When is a budget wedding not a budget wedding?

Things were simpler back then...now the brides are influenced by celebs and online 'influencers' but they dont seem to realise that these people have much more available cash to spare than they do🙄😐

Originally , bridesmaids were dressed as the bride so that evil spirits / devil didn't know who to tempt .

I recall that a bridesmaid's dress was chosen and paid for by the bride and you always received a small thank you gift .
It was a simple affair and you were thrilled to have a special dress and present .

Now , it's become a fashion parade .

I've heard of bridesmaids told to become a size eight as the dresses were already bought for them .
There have been stipulations about make up , jewellery and hair .

Now you have you pay for the honour .

It's not a budget wedding if the bride is wearing a designer dress with all the trimmings and expecting expensive gifts .
I know girls , who can't afford the hen night bill never mind the dress .
And I know some parents , who are still paying for extravagant weddings only to see their children separate and divorce .

What should be a happy celebration of love been two people is often a vulgar display .

What a shame .

Nannan2

Things were simpler back then...now the brides are influenced by celebs and online 'influencers' but they dont seem to realise that these people have much more available cash to spare than they do🙄😐

Some are but not all by a long chalk. There have always been those whp put the importance of the wedding way above the importance of the marriage.

I think the question here is did the bridesmaids know what their ‘job’ entailed when they accepted the position? Bridesmaids are there to support the bride who IS the ‘lead’ in this event. As someone else noted in many cultures this support is common, tho not so much in British culture.
If they knew what they would have to do and pay for why the fuss. If not, then yes, it’s a problem.

No-one is forcing the bridesmaids to go along with the brides requests, it is up to them to say no.

suelld

I think the question here is did the bridesmaids know what their ‘job’ entailed when they accepted the position? Bridesmaids are there to support the bride who IS the ‘lead’ in this event. As someone else noted in many cultures this support is common, tho not so much in British culture.
If they knew what they would have to do and pay for why the fuss. If not, then yes, it’s a problem.

When my daughter was asked to be a bridesmaid, she was flattered and said yes. It never occurred to her to ask for a written contract detailing what her financial commitment would be nor a job description of what would be required of her. Perhaps she should have asked for one.

We have paid for bridesmaids dresses for our girl's weddings. My daughters-in-law (or their family) paid for theirs.

We did this irrespective of the overall costs of the wedding.

My son got married last year. The French family provided and set up all the decor for the wedding and the reception and the UK guests did all the tidying up the next morning. We worked together and it wasn’t a “has to” …..and we all had a fabulous time at a not-over-the -top wedding in France.

My niece was to get married in 2020, but Covid hit, it was supposed to be a biggish do! 1 year later, a lot smaller, only family in the church, everyone else outside, niece said best thing ever! The money they had saved meant they could afford a conservatory and downstairs toilet extension on their little house. Told me if they'd had the wedding as planned, house would have been too small and it would have stretched them to get it as it is now. There's 4 of them now, 1 baby (almost 2) and 1 dog (almost 4).

For them, BUDGET wedding meant alterations to house and a caravan for family holidays (that baby is better travelled than I am!)

I'm now 69, been married twice. First time in mid-70s to a boy from my church in Georgia, US. Large, traditional, not overly extravagant wedding, but it was a small-town "To Do." The marriage lasted 29 years until he had trouble keeping his zipper up. Married a second time when I was 53. Found a restaurant in a large, turn-of-the-century home, closed on Saturdays at lunch. We had 4 kids & 4 grans at the time. We fit the time in between all of their schedules, got married at lunch on the porch, showed up at 11, had a delicious meal, wore a cute dress, and on the road to the beach by 2. Best wedding ever.

It's sad that wedding have become spectacles and the love aspect is rather shy. Some of the nicest weddings and more importantly fun have been Greek weddings in our humble church hall. They went on till the wee hours of the morning. Ouzo flowed and so did food and the band played on. The wedding I have been to lately have been expensive but just not that much fun. You could hold a wedding at my church hall, food, band, etc etc for less that 15k u.s. dollars. In the U.S. that's a budget wedding. As far as this gal is concerned, for sure she is out of line and not being a well mannered bride, in my humble opinion.

Baked

Run child run. Run away and don't worry about some misplaced loyalty. You won't be thanked either way.

Yup. This. If the bridesmaids stick together, there's not much that the bride can do about it...
Or they could view it as their present to the happy couple....🤔

If I was asked to do all that as bridesmaid would tell the Bride no. She could suit herself and certainly I wouldn't be paying for their honeymoon , what a friend, she doesn’t sound a nice person.

Nell8

My sons' weddings were very different. One cost £2000 and the other umpteen times more. Both were wonderful in their different ways. I just wish the budgetters had splashed out on a professional photographer rather than depend on a mate!

Nell8
That is the one thing that I wish I had spent money on , a photographer!
Which if you knew me is absolutely absurd that I didn’t as I am the one who is the ‘unofficial photographer’ at any & every event .
We gave my expensive camera to a very good friend who took one or two group photos then left it in the boot of the car 🚗 😭

soos45

My son got married last year. The French family provided and set up all the decor for the wedding and the reception and the UK guests did all the tidying up the next morning. We worked together and it wasn’t a “has to” …..and we all had a fabulous time at a not-over-the -top wedding in France.

❤️ sounds like an ideal family scenario & joining of two families

Bumface

Theexwife

Maybe your daughter should not be involved in the wedding if she can be so negative about her friend behind her back, nobody has to do the brides bidding.

Budget is relative, £10,000 is a lot to some nothing to others.

Do I detect the fluttering of a Harpy's wings, again.

I think you are missing the point. My daughter is not snarking behind the bride's back. She has not mentioned this to anyone apart from me and I think she is entitled to vent to her mother as the bride's behaviour is upsetting her.
The point, that I obviously failed to make, was that large amounts of money are being spent in some areas of the wedding but the bridesmaids are are expected not only provide their own dresses etc. but also stand in as unpaid staff. If this really were a budget wedding the bride would not be splashing so much cash on various other things.

Bum face ,
I think it is totally outrageous that it has been deemed a ‘ budget Wedding’ the budget part is for the bride only obviously!
If the Groom is paying for his Groomsmen & the Bridesmaiids for themselves ,that’s a bit awry for a start .
However, I do not think it is out of order to ask the Bridesmaids to pay or contribute for their own dresses in this day & age when money is tight , in which case it would be fitting for the Bride or Bridezilla in this case to treat them to hair & makeup .
What are the food arrangements then , that they would be expected to “serve” ?
I can understand also everyone pitching in if the couple in question were pushed for funds and had other things going on .
It sounds like this day may not be the one the bride was hoping for as resentment may set in 🤔

My son is getting married this summer. They are both very laid back and want to do it fairly cheaply. They don't have to do this but decided it is iniquitous to spend a fortune on one day. They plan to self cater! I am not delighted at this!! They have asked friends to bring desserts rather than presents. They finally agreed a few of my friends could help in the kitchen thankfully. I think we will be in for a busy time beforehand and on the evening!

That is not a budget wedding by my standards, it's a nirmal these days of let's have big show but not pay for it, get itgers to do a lot of the work. Not organising and paying for transport from ceremony to reception for bridesmaids is appalling never mind all the rest others are expected to do. Think I'd be saying Thank You, but No Thank You to the bride.

I am always a bit puzzled when couples who have been together for some years and have children together say they ‘can’t afford’ to get married. They really mean they think they have to have an expensive do to impress everyone. It’s ridiculous. If you are committed to your partner and want it to be permanent just have a small wedding and maybe in the future, on a big anniversary, push the boat out if you can afford to.

Nell8

My sons' weddings were very different. One cost £2000 and the other umpteen times more. Both were wonderful in their different ways. I just wish the budgetters had splashed out on a professional photographer rather than depend on a mate!

I recently read an article by a wedding planner who stated that when economising it is better to cut out the fancy cars (only seen briefly) than skimp on photographer, as he pointed out those photos will have to be a forever memory so had best be good.

Except that many of these big weddings are the start of quite short marrigaes, so the photographer's contribution may end up in the rubbish bin after only a few years.

It is not unusual here for brides to spend $80,000- $100,000 on a wedding and reception. Personally I would rather have a deposit on a house. Not many have quiet weddings the first time around,though.

Gosh, glad I do not live in Australia. Most of the weddings I have been to, in my generation and my children's generation, have been modest ones.

My son got married 2 years ago. They had been together for a while and had a little boy. They got married in registry office and only had family about 20 of us. D in l bought a dress on line about £40 I think. Son wore his kilt. After ceremony we went for a coffee while they had photos taken then we all met up at a restaurant. Dh and I paid for meal as a wedding present. It was a lovely day and not expensive.

DD1 married her partner of 11 years in Italy, with about 20 family and friends there. Glorious, probably expensive (I didn’t pay). Two years later they’d had a baby, and divorced the following year.

DD2 marries next year, partner of 7 years and they have two children. Again I’m not paying and have no say, but I think it’s insane. She refused to consider a pre-owned or hired dress. To expect people to pay for a summer holiday abroad at a time and location they may not ordinarily have chosen strikes me as utterly unreasonable. I don’t want to go abroad at all but I doubt she’ll ever forgive me. Even going just for three days, with two nights in the cheapest accommodation, is a ridiculous and totally unjustifiable waster of money IMO.

Friends’ daughter marrying after a long time together did local registry office and a pub lunch, perfect.