Birthday gift suggestion for friend going through a hard time.

A bouquet of nice flowers and a lovely throw

I personally dread smelly things, as an Asthmatic they can really upset me,
I would much prefer a trip out. afternoon tea at a lovely National trust property and a few photos to remember it by would be lovely.

Perhaps something that will connect her to you when times are difficult. A friend I have has been through a difficult time recently and I made her a very colourful blanket which she loves and puts across her knees. Something that is a hug which she will feel when you are not there.

I think any of suggestions below but defo. not CBD oil, that is not an appropriate gift,in my opinion, for anyone. Google it if you don't know what it is. Enjoy your trip

There’s a gift site called Not Just Another Bunch of Flowers which has options for ill friends.

My suggestions are for things that you would not normally get for yourself as they seem to be an indulgence. So if you have visited her at home before, do you know a favourite cafe/restaurant where you could order and pay for a meal, so that you all have a lovely meal and she does not have to cook or anything but enjoy the choice from the menu. , or pay the restaurant in advance for a lunch and write out a little voucher for her and her mother to go when they choose when they are on their own. If there is a good florist in her town, rather than use interflora or whatever go into the florist yourself and organise perhaps the simplest bouquet once a month for perhaps 6 months or whatever you feel you can afford. You pay the florist, no extras to other people and you can give ideas of the sort of flowers she likes. I love perfume and would rather have something that smelt lovely than those (to me) awful roses that have no perfume, look like buds but never open etc. Or you might not have a set time but you could pay for a bouquet to be sent for her birthday and any significant date, when you first met or some special memory of a day in the past so that she has the lovely flowers but also knows that yo have especially thought of her and chosen those days. Alternatively you might buy a silk scarf. Silk is a sensuous treat to have next to the skin and if you chose one in a lovely colour it would be lovely to wear, would last for ages and personally when I am having a bad day, to be able to chose something beautiful to wear and also have the knowledge of your close friend is a comfort when times are bad. Do you perhaps know some of her friends with cars who live in the same area? If they were the type of friends you felt happy to suggest this to, then you might ask them if they would take your friend and her mother on a trip to the seaside or to somewhere special to them that perhaps is not on a bus route, so you could offer to pay for the fuel and afternoon tea somewhere nearby, or if there was a garden open in the NGS garden scheme then they might be taken to visit that . The pleasure would be that they do not have to organise anything so no worries, just the pleasure of a ride out somewhere. I have done quite a bit of that sort of thing, so a friend waiting for a cataract op is hating not being able to drive and go where she wants at her own time rather than fit in with the buses etc so I have taken her to things she wanted to go to and also we had 4 of us another time so we shared the fuel costs and I picked them up at their own homes , took them to the coast, and we all did our own thing and met at 4pm to come home. Great success and as near to going your own way as possible.. If she has a particular hobby, say gardening, you could ask a neighbour to buy the monthly gardening magazine and put your card with it and post it through her letterbox, so that she definitely gets it, rather than trust the post, and that little card tells her you are thinking of her. Hope that these ideas are of use to you, but most of all having a little card or letter is something to hold on to on a bad day. Of course we all use emails etc but when I am awake and in a lot of pain at 3am, reading a note from a friend helps me to know I am not alone even if it feels like it. So whatever you actually do or buy for her is very nice but what really counts is that lovely knowledge that you have a friend who cares and is thinking of you. All the best.

How about treating them both to a really nice meal out, or a takeaway if that's easier?

If you happen to have an Amazon bag from when you perhaps received a gift , that could be useful as a hamper. The bags are usually bright and tied with ribbon. Would be easy to pack and fill once you arrive at your friend's.

When in doubt presence rather than presents is a useful rule of thumb.

Take her out to lunch or tea, to visit a lovely garden - as you live a distance away, the time you spend with her will mean more than any material gift.
That said, flowers after you have left will undoubtedly be appreciated.

Leave it till after your visit then organise a special bouquet to be sent with some smellies

How about a beautiful ornament, or painting, she will think of you every time she looks at it. Or an unusual vase that is lovely with or without flowers….

How lovely that you will see her. Nice chocs and flowers are always welcome. She can share the chocs.
Lavender oil or similar for her bath if she has one.

Agree, flowers and plants and most important time spent with my friends and family is by far the greatest gift of all. Sounds cliché but its the truth. And if someone is far away a long phone call can be nearly as good. but nothing beats a physical hug and kiss

Why not a voucher for a massage or a lovely alternative therapy, like reflexology?

If your friend likes to read would she like a nice book ? Something she can keep from you. A history of where she was born for example.

I found a lovely little bear in a gift bag on Internet my sister in law was having a really bad time in hospital and it comes with a little card sending hugs to the person she loved it and carries it in her bag whenever she's down she takes it out its really small so would be posted easily

Neal’s Yard make wonderful aromatherapy based products that make lovely gifts of these are in your budget. I was in this position once, trying to buy gift for someone whose was very unwell. They recommended anything with rose oil which is very calming apparently. A photo of happy/fun times is a wonderful idea too, I’m definitely tucking this one away to use myself sometime.

Having had to cope simultaneously with serious illness plus the death of one of my nearest and dearest, what I have appreciated most of all is the time friends and family have given me - visits, phone calls, short but regular Whats App messages.All those have touched my heart, and made such a difference.

Where presents are concerned ,I personally have been lucky enough to receive more fabulous toiletries/ creams/ wellness stuff etc than I really need, and until I can use them, have had to put several away in a drawer.But I have always, always been glad of the immediacy of flowers ( especially the scented ones) and plants - could you not send a bunch or a pot in advance with a message along the lines of 'can't wait to see you - very soon now!' ?
I was given one good sized arrangement in a basket - all house plants, rooted in compost.Not all the plants survived, but two (with some nurturing!) did.They now, six months later, fill the basket by themselves; there are twice as many flowers as there were originally - and every time I look at it my heart lifts to think that, whatever else has happened, I still have that friend of 60 years plus in my life.

Could you make up a nice basket of fresh fruit?

I’m with Septimia, I don’t like false smells in the house, but I do like non smelly candles. I hope you and your friend enjoy sharing some time together and she is not too poorly.

Could make a mini hamper? Either a self care one with some face masks, nail varnish, eye mask, hand cream etc or a food one with healthy snacks, some nice juice, maybe some cheeses and crackers, grapes etc.

Thanks everyone, there are some great suggestions. My favourite is the memory box and the (mini) wellness hamper. I've left it a bit late, but ordered a natural, nerve oil for pain and I'll pop into town and see what I can find tomorrow. And definitely big hugs!

These are all kind suggestions but are they the sort of things that your friend would like?

I can't stand smelly candles - they make me feel like I'm suffocating. As for toiletries, friends do give me some nice ones, including face/body creams, but I seldom get around to using them.

I'm sure that, whatever you give, the sentiment will be appreciated but it might be worth sneakily checking her preferences first.

I would choose natural candles, reed diffusers, lotions etc. by Valentte or Candle Spa. They are readily available on line. Maybe a bottle of her favourite tipple? I’m sure she will be delighted just to see you. 💐

What a kind thought. I can't better the suggestions of lovely hand cream or a cashmere throw. I hope your visit goes well as I'm sure it will.