Feeling betrayed by name change

Goodness! I am once again gobsmacked by the lack of empathy and understanding on here! I totally get why you are feeling the way you are, Bernadette8, and I wonder what the history is, and why you feel neglected. I would feel the same, and as this is your daughter, not daughter-in-law I might take the opportunity when you're alone, just to inquire why - the answer might make you feel better. You cannot help how you feel but it's rarely productive to let adult children see that they have upset us over something like this. They then feel guilt-tripped and angry - for I often think this is a generation that expect parents to give everything and expect nothing. My remedy for all this sort of thing is to give up expecting any emotional nourishment, understanding or support from my children, to give as much as I comfortably can, and to find meaning for my life elsewhere. It's a lot more fulfilling!

Get a grip. If your daughter was living with cancer, weighing less than 5 stone and in constant pain then you would have something to moan about.

Exactly, undines. One cannot help how one feels but one can help how one behaves. So the OP, in my opinion, should behave as if there's nothing the matter.

Which there isn't. Her name has been added to the grandchild's names. How nice, rationally, for her and for the grandchild.

I am amazed at what other folk find to worry and get upset about. I wont allow myself to be upset about the little things in life.

It’s a lovely tribute to have your name as part of the baby’s name, I’d just try and take it that way if you can. If I said anything, it would be very casual, wondering why the names had been swapped round - I’m sure there’s an explanation other than ‘We decided Other Granny is more important than you!’

My gran was very superstitious, and believed if a child was named after a relative, the relative would die - so there was no naming babies after grandparents in my family! My husband’s family have a family surname which is handed down as a middle name, and we gave that to our sons as a middle name, and the son who has children has given them all the family middle name. It’s a family tradition, so it didn’t really bother me one way or the other.

I hope you can enjoy your grandchild, despite your hurt feelings. At least they haven’t dropped your name!

Good book Don't Sweat the Small stuff. Yes life is short. Sometimes it helps to look at the bigger picture. But I am sorry you are upset and I'm sure your daughter would be too or embarrassed about it Maybe you don't want to upset her about it it might make her a bit wary for future regarding upsetting you. My daughter was going to use my middle name if she had a girl which is a name I've never liked through life as it was old-fashioned in fact I'm just coming to terms with it now but I love the fact it was my Nanas name she was a lovely lady. I remember my reaction was "oh I'm sure you'll find another name that you like equally! " I regretted you saying that afterwards it was just my initial response anyway, it was a boy🤣🤣🤣🤣

When my son was born, I wanted him to have my Dad's name as his middle name...my Dad told me how pleased he was but asked me to rethink as it was 'bad luck'!
He was so adamant about it, I asked what names he liked and we chose another.
I've never actually heard the 'bad luck' line from others, has anyone else ever heard this?

The arguments that come about because parents named their children possibly after someone in the family, bah!!
Imagine if you fall out with the person/s you named your child after, would you now hate their name/s?
Just go with your own choices and if they happen to be family names, so be it, but don't let anyone argue with you over your choices as you - as the parents - are the ones using the names most!!

I know someone whose name comes out as SLOB in their initials, and someone else who is CJD and they were born around the time that was happening!

Just be thankful of your DGC and enjoy spending time with them.

Enjoy your new granddaughter while she's little, whatever her name! I get the impression that the problem is that you were told in front of a group what your Gd's name would be before it was finally decided! There could well be very good reasons why the name order was changed which were not evident originally.

We've had a few "discussions" in the past about family names. Certain names have never been considered, including my real first name (which I hate!). However, I was absolutely insistent that one of my grandsons was not going to have the name (accidentally, but it was how the order came out) of a famous post-WW2 comedian, and his sister not that of a 1990s punk rock star! My DD and son-in-law's horrified comments were along the lines of "We never thought of that"!!

PS. Dowsabella is actually a genuine very old family name. Apparently she grew up to be a woman with a very strong character!! No-one in my family has EVER been named after her

I was a tad pleased that my first GD was given her middle name from a very long line of" Marys " . Would I of cared if not - No.Such a stupid nonsense.

None of my grandchildren have been named after me or my husband, but that doesn’t indicate anything other than they preferred different names. My daughter in law’s mum has a slightly uncommon name that is also my DIL’s middle name, so when she was pregnant I actually made it plain to my DIL that I thought it would be a lovely idea if she wanted to perpetuate that name. Instead their little girl was given a rather unusual first name and her great grandmothers’ middle names. 😁

None of my 4 granddaughters have any of my names its not worth stressing about!

I can't imagine anyone using a grandparents name as a first name for a child. I am imagining names that were used in the 50s - 70s. Tracy, Denise,Kevin, Darren... Susan, Darren... the list goes on!

My gran was very superstitious, and believed if a child was named after a relative, the relative would die

Yes, PamQS, my grandmother always said the same. So she wasn’t happy when I was named after her, but I’ve beaten the odds so far. 😂

I’d have been delighted and honoured to have had a grandchild named for me, OP, whether with a first or second name. Unfortunately not one of my gaggle of grandsons looked like a Maggie .

Oh, I’ve just noticed that your gran thought the relative would die, PamQS. Mine thought it would bring bad luck to the baby.

Here here Undines

Don't be difficult. Be happy they've given the child your name. It doesn't matter what order the names are.

Our DD2 was named for her two grandmothers following our choice of first name. The order of which was because they flowed better. On being told of the names, one of the two grans (they always had a slight amount of competitiveness), promptly said to the other ‘see, they put my name first’. Cue much laughter all round. The story is still told today even though the baby is now in here 40’s.

None of my grandchildren are named after either me or my my parents, although the in-laws’ names are the middle names - even my daughter who was very close to my mother, did not name her daughter after my mother. Mind you, my parents’ names are very old fashioned , but it didn’t stop me from being hurt.
Bernadette you should be pleased, they have chosen your name as the middle name.

eazybee

What a fuss about nothing.

Agree 100%

Humiliated

Are you serious? Humiliated, really?

That’s hilarious.

Buttonjugs

I can't imagine anyone using a grandparents name as a first name for a child. I am imagining names that were used in the 50s - 70s. Tracy, Denise,Kevin, Darren... Susan, Darren... the list goes on!

Well, Elsie, Mabel, Florence, Lily, Evie, Ava, Amelia, Maisie etc and Wilfred, Alfie, Henry, Arthur, Albert, Frank, Harold, Frederick etc are all very popular names now.

So perhaps it won't be long before Patricia, Susan, Margaret, Linda, Valerie, Angela, Christine, Christopher, Derek, Graham, Anthony, David, Richard and Gary start appearing on the school registers.

😃

Feeling guilty now that I didn't pick MIL's name for one of my DD but she only had one name and I wasn't keen on it.
That's made a comeback too.

You have every right to feel hurt,I would but don't fall out about it you have a lovely family and that's precious x

My cousin gave their youngest baby both grandmothers' names as middle names. As it happens, the mother's (very old fashioned) name came first followed by the Mother-in-law's (equally old fashioned) name for no reason of status but, I think, that they flowed better that way round. Think along the lines of Millicent Jean rather than Jean Millicent. I am sure that this is a similar reason to your daughter. It is not worth getting upset about. In any case, it is not uncommon to use the middle name as a first name. The most important thing is that you have a beautiful baby granddaughter to love. Congratulations on becoming a grandmother.

It's hard enough trying to agree on names for new babies without grandmothers getting upset too.

I didn't finally choose the name I really wanted for DC3 because MIL made a cutting remark about it when I told her.

Chill out - your name is there. Probably just sounds better. If that’s all you have to worry about, life is good!