Feeling betrayed by name change

Hi Bernadette totally understand where you are coming from but don’t let it turn into a big deal. Why don’t you have a chat with dd and ask her why she changed it around? Could just be she thought it sounded better that way or maybe she was being hounded by the other grandma. She may be intending to use your name anyway - my mil was known by her second name as her first name was the same as her mother’s.

Whatever the reply just accept it and put it to bed. If you have a fit and healthy grandchild be grateful.

😊 if you do ask her why maybe say it casual cool without emotion 😊it's just a question

Life’s too short to worry about such things, enjoy your new grandchild, they have had a change of mind so what. The fact you babysit doesn’t really come in to it, I’m assuming you do it for love not kudos

what name will the child be referred to ? i had a friend who was always known by her middle name . Look at Prince Harry - real name Henry. People will change names over their lifetime so don't worry . What is more important is the relationship between you

It’s best to try not to take the change in name order personally. ( hard I know). There’s probably a practical reason such as the flow of the name or what the initials might spell the original way around, or simply that as they get to know their baby the name seems to fit her better that way around.

OH has a very old unusual and lovely name- and I would hve loved for one grandson to have it included. And I also feel my mum's name is lovely, and would have suited our grand-daughter so well. But it wasn't to be- and that is truly none of our business.

My mother's choice of names for me would have given me the initials JAP as a child. She decided it was unwise so soon after the war, so I didn't get the middle name. There is much to consider in choosing a child's name. My brother has always been known by his middle name - and hates his first name - because the combination flows better that way. My DD's names have no family connection and my DS's middle name has family connections as it is the name of one of my cousins and my uncle, but wasn't chosen for that reason - I simply like the name! Sadly he hates it!
My GD has the middle name of DiL's Granny. She is a lovely lady and if she is named after her I am not jealous in any way. In fact I wanted the children to call me 'Granny' like her as I like her so much. I was concerned that the other Granny might want the same title but my DS said that was OK as we could be Granny C... and Granny H.... My GS started calling me 'Granny B...' my DD's name as he associates us together! The other GPs are 'Granny and Mac' - name he calls his granddad - we've no idea why! Thankfully we all get on well and I don't think we are competitive about these things. I love the way my GS finds his own way to address things and wonder what my GD will call me when she starts to talk! GS is addressed by the shortened form of his first name and is very indignant if I use his full name - 'I not Zebedee, I Zeb!' As far as he is concerned that is his identity.

My new baby great grandaughter has just been given my second name as her second name and I am thrilled. It wouldn’t matter to me where it came in the listing so why not just be pleased they have chosen it I would 🩷

Do you say something? No. Their baby, their choice.

I'm sorry you feel hurt.

I’d be gutted too but hope I’d hide it really well from everyone - nothing to be gained I’m afraid.

ordinarygirl

what name will the child be referred to ? i had a friend who was always known by her middle name . Look at Prince Harry - real name Henry. People will change names over their lifetime so don't worry . What is more important is the relationship between you

Harry is a diminutive of Henry, not a different name though.

Many people are known by shortened versions of their names although I seems that many children are being registered with the diminutive form now eg Evie, Rosie, Archie, Fred

The child has your name so be happy. This is not really about the name though. I'm guessing you feel put out about other things to do with the other grandparents. Watch out.. we often imagine the grass is greener when in fact they very green where we are standing 💚

It’s difficult, but let it go. One DGD was given MIL’s and other grandma’s name but not mine.
I have a close relationship with her, which is all that matters.

Like Undine, I'm also "gobsmacked by the lack of empathy" from some people. Gosh, do you belittle your children or grandchildren when they state their disappointments?

You need to give your head a wobble!

paddyann54
Astonishingly similar with my 3 DGDs, first had as middle name one from her mum’s family, second had her maternal grandmother's name as middle name. I was quite content with this. Third DGD’s mum wanted for her first name an abbreviation of my name which I really disliked. Happily after tactful and friendly discussion she had my full name as her middle name. I admit to being surprised and touched by this. For her first name she has a Victorian name which was later discovered to have been the name of a great great grandmother who was a variety hall dancer many years ago!

Two of my cousins gave our grandmother’s second name to their daughters as a first name, they just both liked both Granny and the name. Another cousin had no choice of middle for any of her children. Her MiL insisted on all the girls having her first name as a middle, even though some were sisters. As for all the boys - not FiL’s name but the nearest sounding boy’s name to MiL’s first name!! I don’t think this edict has been passed down to the next generation!!

I’m maternal gran and share my first name with the paternal gran. Our name dates our births to late 1940’s, early 1950’s. I learned to embrace my name as an adult when I realised my parents gave it to me because they loved me. Given the choice I’d have preferred my maternal gran’s name. My parents saw her name as old fashioned, so chose a modern name for me.

When our first grandaughter was born, the 6th grandchild for me, her daddy wanted to use her two grandmothers first name as her second/middle name. My daughter put her foot down, no offence, she said , I love you both but don’t like your name.

No offence taken. We grannies both too smitten with that baby to give a fig

I think it’s her baby and her choice. Just enjoy the baby and try to put aside your hurt. Don’t let it come between you.

Bernadette My first GD was named after me, after her first name [which I choice along with my D]. So, her first name, then my first name & my surname. I only have one first name, so same as me, just added first name in front.

My D & GD lived with me, so we were very close, even so, I was very surprised and pleased when my D came back from registering the birth and told me her choice, we hadn't discussed this before.

After this my D meet her future H, had another child and moved into their own home. After about 2yrs he got his wish and we [all the family] were cut out of their lives. I learnt that my beloved GD's name had been changed to have his grandmothers name and his last name, where mine once were. He is her step-dad. They even changed her birth certificate. Yes, illegal to do this, but they did.

Didn't think my heart could be broken anymore, but more it did. I still have her original birth certificate and other documents, stating her original name. One day she will learn who she really is.

Yes it runs deeper than the name really. I carnt go into everything but we are not wanted. The odd time we go round her husband runs upstairs and the half hour we stay to say hello to the children he doesn’t come down. Also when we’ve asked to take the older child out he says no as he wants to do something with him. But we can have the children when they work.

Elrel my daughters 3 have middle names from my late Dad ,my great granny and my first daughter who only lived 4 days.My lovely dad only had daughters but there are now12 members of the family who have his name as a first or middle name.He would be amazed.My son was called after two GGf,s and we use. His middle name and have since he was born…I promised my OH,s granny that’s what we would call a boy if/when we had. I wouldn,t have called. Him after either. Of his Gf,s Iwas born a diplomat my MIL said

Quite right. If her daughter was dying of cancer and in pain all day then she would have something to moan about, what's the matter with these people who complain about the least thing?

I think it's completely out of order your son in law hides from you. Do you know why? Is he neuro diverse?

Probably just flowed better. You could just ask them tactfully by asking just that. Neither my sister nor I had second names as my mum thought pretentious! When had mine gave them second names but not from the family. Not worth falling out over. You could always call her by both names if it sounds OK. My aunt did that with one of mine. Sounded weird to me but she obviously liked it.