Care home thoughts

I know MissA, their quality of life is diminishing rapidly - but they are absolutely adamant that it’s what they want, however challenging. The crunch will come when one of them dies, because my mum is the brains and my dad the physically active one now, between them they just about manage.

Care homes are a necessity for many elderly folks. I dont see much difference in many of the larger ones that provide a suite with all the facilities they would have at home. As long as a range of activities are provided, good homely cooked meals and helpful friendly staff, it works well. However many care homes lose clothes (in the washing) and other personal items such as jewelery can go missing. There are also issues with other residents becoming aggressive and upsetting others. The management tend to be good but are too soft on staff if something goes wrong. It's important that the whole family keep regular contact with their parent/spouse when they are living in a care home.

The best advice, as above, is to maintain constant contact with the home - enough that they are well aware of it, and aware that you will ask questions, if necessary, and expect answers.

Worth checking Care Quality Commission reports.

I live in a nursing home, moved here 2 years ago. Fiercely independent ? There are residents living here who are fiercely
independent. I made the right decision and choice so certainly no regrets

Yes, and also asking things such as is it ok to pop in at anytime? If not, why not, because some places do prefer to keep mealtimes visitor free.
Ask about activities, and how they are personalised.
Can you go along on activity days to help?
Can your relative chose their bedtime, stay in their room if they want to, have safe, supervised access to the garden.
Are pets allowed?
Will they be able to attend church if they wish, and what are the arrangements for baths/showers, nailcare, hair washing and cuts.
Can they choose where to sit, and with whom, or sit away from others if they want to?
Ask to see a typical menu, and can they have coffee or tea, or another choice?
Can they have a newspaper delivered, and access to books?
Can they stay up until they wasn't to go to bed?

And can they string a sentence together, because I can't, so I'll shut up.

At the care home I visit all of the above are absolutely fine.

Recently visited a spinster who has been in a care home over a year. She was so animated telling me about all the things she enjoyed doing there and how kind the staff are it made my heart sing and confirmed some care homes are doing a great.job.Yet.it is definitely not the poshest place .Don't judge on appearances!

My husband asked to go into a care home. He wasn’t able to garden, fix things and had stopped reading. He had jobs where he was always around a lot of people and our lifestyle at home had become limited due to his illness. He loved being in the care home. He thought he was in charge and would keep watch when the supervisor went out. He loved all the activities and tried to get me to join him to come and live there. He said it was like being on vacation. I think he loved all the attention.

Some of the men in the last place I worked used to "help" the maintenance man, even if it was just holding a door open for him, or something like that.
We also had a gardening club for anyone interested.

I really loved that job. (nt sure the maintenance man did sometimes!)

The best care homes encourage residents to help, it gives them a purpose and helps them feel part of the organisation..I love these stories of residents 'supervising' and feeling needed.

Apparently it can help with the effects of dementia, too.

Actually having a "job" to do.
I've no idea it that is measurable, but I read it somewhere, years ago.

I worked as housekeeper in a care home a few years ago, all men, quite a few with alcohol/drug problems, not all elderly. There were encouraged to help around the home (set/clear table, tidy garden, make bed, tidy room, put laundry away) but unfortunately the majority of them told staff "that's what you're paid to do "

My dad has been placed in three care homes. first one was a NH- he was discharged to their care, after a stint in hospital, he ended up back in hospital mal-nourished & dehydrated.
Brought him home from hospital & never returned him to the nursing home, we cared for him at home- even though his 5 free weeks wasn’t up!

Second home, lovely & bright, all the carers were very attentive first day- I visited tea-time, day after, he’s walking with someone else’s zimmer frame (he has bad mobility issues due to Alzheimer’s) no carers in sight, nothing on his feet but socks, wet up to the eyeballs. I visited every day, (we are supposed to be resting) as he’s there on respite- carers just huddled chatting at the dining table, my dad wet up to the eyeballs😞

Last home he’s put in permanently- same again all lovely on the surface- but dad is left in large lounge on his own, ( other residents retired to their rooms) I found him wandering around no zimmer & wet through or mucky- mum or myself ended cleaning & changing him- ended up with Covid - he’s now back at home & that’s hopefully where he will be staying until he dies.

That's just awful.
It gives all care homes a bad name when some places treat their residents in that way.
I'm glad he's home now, and hope you can get support to look after him.

My mum had to be discharged from hospital into a care home last December aged 92. I looked at seven different homes the two best ones wouldn’t accept her because of her mobility even though it was her social worker that recommended them.

The third on my list was my only option. The hospital and social worker were ringing everyday to see if I’d found a suitable one.
Turned out to be a bad decision. My poor mum was assaulted, after only three weeks. She was put under
Safeguarding, the police were called and the carer involved was suspended. I was all for moving her immediately but was reassured she would be very closely watched and looked after. She was.
The manager left shortly after and everything improved. Mum never really settled but her dementia was worse than we thought, she had forgotten the incident the day after.She passed away in June.
It’s a very difficult, and heartbreaking decision to make, especially if your loved one doesn’t want to go into care. I would look for personal recommendations if you can.

On another note, how lovely to hear Anniebach is happy and well! Good for you Annie.

Thank you midgey , yes I am happy with the nursing home I
chose, I think the fact that I decided I needed to leave my bungalow helped and aged 80 not 92.
I lived in Mid Wales, certainly did not want to live in a nursing home there, was given choices of many and chose a nursing home in South Wales 2 miles from where I was born and grew up.
I experience all on MissAdventure’s list, always asked not told
what I need or like. Go to bed when I choose, have my meals in my own room my choice. I have rheumatoid arthritis in every joint , toes to shoulders. Not helped by the problems of Covid and my daughter’s illness and death.
The nursing home has 4 residences , 1 for nursing care, 1 for disabled young people, 2 for dementia, the four are separate,
Choosing a nursing home where I use to live certainly helped, I was able to ask locals for their views on it.

MissAdventure

That's just awful.
It gives all care homes a bad name when some places treat their residents in that way.
I'm glad he's home now, and hope you can get support to look after him.

Just mum & I looking after him, care package went- mums a self funder costing £680 per month for carers (1 hr Am & pm) to tip him into bed as mum has done everything by the time they arrive. We worked out it would be £45.000 per year for cheapest care home 😩
I’ve worked in care & I’ve seen it all!
It doesn’t pay to work, pay your taxes to have it all taken away when the time comes to go into care- whilst people who have drank, smoked, haven’t worked get it all for free 😩
I hope by the time I need care I hope this government has sorted out social care, or brought in a law for euthanasia.. drastic I know but I want a choice

MissAdventure

Some of the men in the last place I worked used to "help" the maintenance man, even if it was just holding a door open for him, or something like that.
We also had a gardening club for anyone interested.

I really loved that job. (nt sure the maintenance man did sometimes!)

Good homes are few & far between

Katyj

My mum had to be discharged from hospital into a care home last December aged 92. I looked at seven different homes the two best ones wouldn’t accept her because of her mobility even though it was her social worker that recommended them.

The third on my list was my only option. The hospital and social worker were ringing everyday to see if I’d found a suitable one.
Turned out to be a bad decision. My poor mum was assaulted, after only three weeks. She was put under
Safeguarding, the police were called and the carer involved was suspended. I was all for moving her immediately but was reassured she would be very closely watched and looked after. She was.
The manager left shortly after and everything improved. Mum never really settled but her dementia was worse than we thought, she had forgotten the incident the day after.She passed away in June.
It’s a very difficult, and heartbreaking decision to make, especially if your loved one doesn’t want to go into care. I would look for personal recommendations if you can.

😩 🫂🫂🫂🫂

midgey

On another note, how lovely to hear Anniebach is happy and well! Good for you Annie.

One of the lucky ones

Good news from anniebach

The best home when I was social working was the scruffiest one. The residents mucked in - there was one man who replanted the garden every day - the plants got moved around a lot, but he was happy! If someone suggested they fancied fish and chips in newspaper, the menu plans were ditched and off they went in the minibus to the chippy! One old lady had a parrot in a cage and she taught it to say "Bugger off Bert!" - he was her ex husband! She also wore her catheter bag strapped to her thigh with a sexy garter! All part of the crazy mix in this happy home where people could be themselves.

I used to have a job keeping SSD happy as they were sticklers for rules - I turned a blind eye a lot! - and zipped the lip, and kept my fingers crossed.

My mum went into a care home at 92 and initially it was fine. However the manager left and it went downhill very quickly. She was eventually moved into a nursing home and received excellent care there. The staff are everything.