Does anybody have literally nobody?

Thank You for sharing your story stayanotherday. I feel we are not designed for solitude.

I could bombard you with information about things to join and so on but I wonder if the therapy route might be worth another look. What were you hoping to gain from therapy? It's damn hard work and not for everybody but it can lead to better things.

Personally, it's been a more or less constant push back against depression and an effort to get out there. It's like driving I find, a skill which some of us have to learn.

I have cousins in Ireland, which is not a lot of help. I have made really good friends on GN, and they are getting me through this bout of Covid and urinary problems.

Nobody here would bother if my bin was not put out on the correct day. The fool who is renting next door wondered where I worked, knowing I am 81! Unfortunately, 50% of the houses are rented. I am the longest-staying person owning my own house.

I could rely on some people I've met on gransnet to help me out, and I know they would.
Of course, though, as it should be, they have their own lives, families.
I do appreciate those people, though.

I'm 59, never married/no partner/no kids by choice and have only ever lived alone and with pets, which I don't have at the moment. Working f/t. I can't stand most men, with exception to Gary Busey and Erik Estrada!

I have absolutely no family of any sort by blood or law, nobody I would classify as friends, more acquaintances.

Once I'm dead I won't care what anyone does with my belongings but I've never made a will and never would, I don't see the point with my circumstances but I'm very happy on my own, I can do what I like when I like without a partner getting in my way!

I felt, and still do in some respects, exactly the same.
It is only since I've been not well that it has hit home what "alone" really means.

Jeanathome

Thank You for sharing your story stayanotherday. I feel we are not designed for solitude.

I could bombard you with information about things to join and so on but I wonder if the therapy route might be worth another look. What were you hoping to gain from therapy? It's damn hard work and not for everybody but it can lead to better things.

Personally, it's been a more or less constant push back against depression and an effort to get out there. It's like driving I find, a skill which some of us have to learn.

I would agree with * Jeanathome* and give the therapy another try, but maybe approach it differently. The therapist isn’t there to tell you what to do, but to help you ‘talk out’ your situation, and arrive at a solution that suits you.
I have heard many people say, ‘ My therapist told me I need to….’, and this too can make them give up, rather than find a better therapist.

TheWeirdoAgain59

Glad you’re happy with your situation.
But that’s the thing isn’t it, some people are quite happy on their own, and in your circumstances ( no children / in laws/ extended family ) you’ve obviously got used to it.
I think it’s sad when someone isn’t happy ( like the op ) and especially when lonely people have family who don’t bother with them for whatever reason.

Seems a shame to “shut down” as you are so young. As you say, Llanelli is very run down, but the coast further along is lovely. We stayed in Burry Port a few years ago and loved the coastal walks. Are you in a position to be able to move? To Cardiff or Swansea, say, where there’s more going on? Do you have a pet? Dog walking is very social…..

stayanotherday, early fifties is too young to be giving up on life. You call yourself an idiot and a joke, which sounds as if you have confidence issues. In that case why not try another therapist, someone who really connects with you?

I love joining groups and even if not warmly welcomed, I persevere, knowing that it’s healthy for me to be with other people on a regular basis rather than alone at home all of the time.
I’m also a firm believer in having a passion for something in life, in my case, art and music. Is there something you enjoy doing when everything else ceases to exist? With a passion like that, it brings a contentment and other things in life fall into place.

Even if not religious, a church which suits you could provide companionship. I have a couple of friends who I know are not really religious, but their lives are full through their churchgoing.
I wish you all the best💐

There are quite a few older residents in the care home where I work who have nobody at all. It’s very sad.

TheWeirdoAgain59

I'm 59, never married/no partner/no kids by choice and have only ever lived alone and with pets, which I don't have at the moment. Working f/t. I can't stand most men, with exception to Gary Busey and Erik Estrada!

I have absolutely no family of any sort by blood or law, nobody I would classify as friends, more acquaintances.

Once I'm dead I won't care what anyone does with my belongings but I've never made a will and never would, I don't see the point with my circumstances but I'm very happy on my own, I can do what I like when I like without a partner getting in my way!

Make a will leaving your ‘estate’ to a charity you like? If not it will go into government coffers.
If you’re renting a house and have little savings then of course it wouldn’t be worth doing.
You can make a will cheaply by doing it yourself, no solicitor.

What's wrong with 'the Government coffers' - that is what pays for the NHS, Social Services, Education, and so much more.

I have no one - no family & few friends. It's a lonely world especially when those with families & friends can never really understand what it's like, but I have my cat, an occasional chat with a neighbour, I love gardening & painting & try to keep the brain engaged to ward off scary thoughts about the future.

* Decided now early fifties to shut down even though it's very hard and not fun, sometimes frightening.*
You’re still very young, *stayanotherday’. Would you ever consider fostering?

I’m on my own in West Midlands. No.1 son lives other side of London with wife and teenage children. He has a busy life working long hours and loads of hobbies takes up his time so maybe see him 3 or 4 times a year. I like to think he would travel up if I was taken into hospital. No. 2 son lives in Switzerland so see him once a year for a weekend visit, not just to see me but also he goes out with his mates. Sister and brother live quite some distance away too. The last of my close friends died last year. So other than my elderly neighbours I don’t see anyone. My brother phoned this week full of the joys of Spring and told me how him and his wife were going here, there and everywhere this Christmas. He said you don’t sound very happy for us so I pointed out he was telling someone who won’t see a soul or go out anywhere how they are enjoying all the Christmas activities and eating out on Christmas Day. He did shut up after that. I’m used to the loneliness now, I shall get some special bits of food for Christmas Day, do a brand new jigsaw and watch the tele.

Try joining a dating agency. They can be great and could produce good friends for you.
Your message is good, clear and informative. You need to write this about yourself, but keep it positive too. I am sure you will find others in no time - it can be very interesting and isn't necessarily about marriage/partnership but can be about just increasing your friends, male or female.
You can find details of these on line - The Times and The Daily Telegraph both run them.

A gentleman (whose wife had died)from our chapel didn't have any relatives at all. He and his wife were only children and they didn't have any children. He always came to our home for Christmas, we loved having him and he loved being with us. I was told by others that it was the highlight of the year, and he looked forward so much. What is one extra plate on the table?

stayanotherday - you are too young to feel this way. It’s been tough for you, but please, believe me, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Be strong.

Stayanotherday
Have you considered getting a small dog - they are great company and get you out which can lead to chats with other dog lovers.
I'm afraid I have nothing more to add so I will wish you all the best for finding friends who appreciate you.

Of course, for the very elderly, this can be true.

However, and wihout sounding harsh or unsympathetic- having no-one must have an element of choice. Even if you have no sibblings or children, no family left- if you hve no friends or acquaintances you can rely on (and vice versa)- then it has to be because you have chosen to take yourself out of the world, somehow.

Circumstances can take you out, I think.

What I find so sad these days is that so many adult children claim to be too busy to visit, pick up the phone, or even text, and the fact that so many of us even repeat this to others, as if to justify why they leave us alone. The fact is, that they can all make time for things they enjoy, and people that they WANT to see.

I had a very interesting conversation with two of my granddaughters at the weekend, where I asked them if they actually think about us, unless we contact them. One of them who is single works, and has no kids, early 20's, was really honest and said no, but also said that she's the same with friends, and is often told off by them for not keeping in touch more often. The other one is a single mum, again, early 20's who works part time, her response was that she's always got so much going on, so does tend to rely on me making the effort. I find this really sad, and wonder how their lives will be by the time they reach retirement, if they can't be bothered to even think about others at this stage in their lives. It also makes me wonder why I make the effort with them, if they don't even think about me, am I really that desperate to be loved??

Since my husband and son died, I’m totally alone apart from my dogs and cat. Apart from the postman and delivery man I can go weeks and weeks without talking to anyone. I did try my local church but it was very cliquey (seats reserved for friends etc.). I do chat to a lot of people on social media but it’s not the same is it? I miss hugs and just having someone who cares. I do wonder if I died at home how long it would take before I was found.

TheWeirdoAgain59

I'm 59, never married/no partner/no kids by choice and have only ever lived alone and with pets, which I don't have at the moment. Working f/t. I can't stand most men, with exception to Gary Busey and Erik Estrada!

I have absolutely no family of any sort by blood or law, nobody I would classify as friends, more acquaintances.

Once I'm dead I won't care what anyone does with my belongings but I've never made a will and never would, I don't see the point with my circumstances but I'm very happy on my own, I can do what I like when I like without a partner getting in my way!

I would say to do a will - unless you don't own your home and have nothing to speak of in the way of savings etc. Otherwise what you own will go to whoever is deemed to be "next of kin". It's laid down in law in Britain - well certainly the English/Welsh part anyway and I presume the rest of the country would be the same??

I know my father said to me years back - when I was finally able to buy a house at last (ie in my 30's - by which time both he and I had realised there was a good chance Mr Right never would show up and I'd stay single accordingly) that I needed a will - now that I owned something noticeable. His words were "....and if you don't make a will your brother will be treated as 'next of kin' and he'll get it".

I already knew exactly what my brother was like (and the years proved me right on that one!) and I duly made out one (leaving everything to whichever environmental charity I thought of first basically - specifically so my brother couldnt get his hands on it). I've amended it to a different environmental charity since - but at least heaved a sigh of relief when our parents died and my brother turned out to be exactly as I thought he would be - and I can at least sleep easy knowing I've made very sure he literally can't get a penny from what I own. My words at that point about him were unprintable and totally unsurprised that I'd been exactly right about him - but always finished with "Thank goodness I've made sure he can't get a penny of what I own - and his children will have to take a running jump off the nearest bridge if they start looking in my direction for anything at that point".

When I moved to a completely new area the local church was a lifeline for me. I didn't know anyone at first but people were so amazingly friendly and welcomed me with open arms. I found myself roped into helping with all sorts of things, some I enjoyed and others not so much. 8 years on I have a group of wonderful friends.