Does anybody have literally nobody?

Dear Stayanotherday,
You are not an idiot and you are not a joke.
Please don't believe that.
Please take small steps to finding someone on your wavelength.
What are your interests?
We are all on your side xx

I know of one or two with literally no relatives and not married so try and be there as much as I can but I do have a fairly large family far and wide . I once nursed a man of 86 who was quite a bad tempered person with no relatives . However an elderly lady with a strong northern accent used to ring up the unit and ask after him saying “Everybody needs somebody”. We nurses clubbed together so she could come from east London by taxi and back to visit but she declined saying she wasn’t strong enough to do it .

I have to spend a lot of time on my own in my room in bed because I am chronically ill. The Internet can be really good for providing a little human connection. Look at all the people chatting on this thread. Most of us are probably on our own right now.

You don’t sound like an idiot or come across as a joke at all.
may I suggest another forum you may be interested in? www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/
Seeing many other people were going through the same thing as I had was really eye opening and helpful. Much better than any therapist I saw. Chin up! ;)

Hi , I'm own my own , my 2 sons visit on Sat & Sun , all through the week I'm on my own with my little dog , if you want to chat please PM me

I remember some nurse or doctor saying she had been surprised to find so many patients who had literally nobody. No relations, no friends. It’s very sad.

I’m on my own but keep occupied as bedbound watching films, chatting to friends on social media.

I keep sane by playing word and number games. I too moved to S Wales 10 years ago. There is no way of hoping to join in nor be accepted.

When I step outside, a dead silence greets me if anyone else is around.

Soul destroying really.

There was a case some years ago, of a working young woman who had died in her flat, with nobody finding her for some weeks.

I think everyone just assumed she was busy, like them, when she disappeared.

It's often rent owing that alerts people.

stayanotherday
I am dsaddened to read your posts here. Wales must have changed a lot since I left the land I still refer to as Home. We usually make everyone welcome . The evacuee we had during WW2 became a close friend till her death in 2018. as were members of her family.
I am a member of a web group called Looking Fabulous Forever but frankly we don't often talk about make up, everything else, yes! The owner is Tricia Cusden and she is great. Do Google for info and join. It's free and I guarantee you will be made welcome. Real contact is best, obviously, but if that can't be managed then an online community really can help.

Eirlys- I am also a member of that group - a Super Trouper!
Its a wonderful group and like you say, we talk about anything and everything!

Stayanotherday I hope all the responses to your post are a help to you. Personally I'm wondering if you are actually depressed and not just feeling down. Others have agreed that
you're living in a rather depressed area, and your age points to your being either menopausal or post-menopausal and those two things alone would be enough to make you feel 'Oh what's the point!'. Perhaps the first thing you should do is see your doctor. As so many have said, early fifties is much too young to give up, and you've had many excellent suggestions as to how you can take charge of your life and turn things around. And I'm sure you do really want to do that! I am not in your position but I do spend a lot of my time alone because my husband died young and my wonderful family are spread far and wide. I no longer, at the age of 83, have the energy to go looking for things to do and new people to meet. I am also losing my hearing which makes social interaction difficult. Anyway, I've done all that and I've got the t-shirt! There are, however, two things that I keep at the forefront of my mind. One is the "attitude of gratitude" and the other is The Serenity Prayer. Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit low I find it hard to make a list of the things I'm grateful for and at other times the list is endless, but I do try to envisage something, however small, every day.
The Serenity Prayer - 'God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.' In all my life I have never come across wiser words.
And there is one other thing, and that is NOW. Now is all we have, so forget about the past and the future, and concentrate on making Now as good as you can. Once you succeed in making every Now something you enjoy and appreciate everything will be so much better.
I do hope you feel better about yourself soon and that posting on here will prove to have been a turning point for you x

Taichinan what a I u

I am so sorry to read your post stayanotherday and am at a loss as to what to say to you. My life is different in so many ways, not least of which, I’m old, mid 80s. You, my lovely, are so very young, especially to have made the decision in your early 50s to”shut down”. I was an only child, my parents’ friends were childless or had grown up children so I grew up surrounded by adults. I was determined this wasn’t going to happen to me, and it didn’t. After 62 years of marriage, my DH is still with me, together with three daughters, eight grandchildren and five great grandchildren, all but a handful living locally, keeping in regular touch through WhatsApp groups, etc. You don’t come more blessed than that. So I feel I can offer you nothing except to recommend this group. It’s so good stayanotherday - I’ve just had my hip replaced & the support and encouragement I’ve received from GN in the last couple of weeks has been invaluable. So stay with us on here & chat when you feel like it. There will always be someone on the other end. Sending you loads of hugs.

Please ignore the above post from me. My phone played up. Lost the whole message. Will try again later.

Anybody who wants a chat please PM. Thanks

A fleeting thought but have you considered researching your family tree to see if there are any distant relatives anywhere.
A close friend of mine did her H’s some years ago and discovered a distant cousin they knew nothing about and living about 10 miles away from them.
They made contact with her and she thought she was totally alone, never married and no relatives.
They had an instant rapport and became good friends until she died.
Her whole close knit family embraced her and they all benefited from her will when she died.
This certainly was not the reason they did it , they are a lovely welcoming family who enhanced her life.
How wonderful it would be if you could find family you have no idea about.

Fleurpepper

Of course, for the very elderly, this can be true.

However, and wihout sounding harsh or unsympathetic- having no-one must have an element of choice. Even if you have no sibblings or children, no family left- if you hve no friends or acquaintances you can rely on (and vice versa)- then it has to be because you have chosen to take yourself out of the world, somehow.

You might view that comment as not harsh or unsympathetic but some people just might.

Juniewoonie I remember your post when your son died and have often thought of you since.

petra

Fleurpepper

Of course, for the very elderly, this can be true.

However, and wihout sounding harsh or unsympathetic- having no-one must have an element of choice. Even if you have no sibblings or children, no family left- if you hve no friends or acquaintances you can rely on (and vice versa)- then it has to be because you have chosen to take yourself out of the world, somehow.

You might view that comment as not harsh or unsympathetic but some people just might.

I can see the point you are making Petra but I think that what Fleurpepper is saying actually might be true.. Perhaps the OP is just trying too hard and is needy.. it could be worth trying activities simply because you enjoy them., without having the agenda of trying to make friends.. I agree with posters who suggest activities such as art, crafts or singing where everyone is concentrating on the skills involved.. I think it takes a lot of time when older to gradually build up friendships.. I also think it might be worth seeing your GP to assess if you are depressed.. Don't give up.. everyone has value..

growstuff

Well, you've got us now stayanotherday.

Yes indeed. Always someone here to chat to.

Yes, I am completely alone ...having moved back to the UK from living in France just as COVID struck I was unable to join clubs, volunteer etc as I had hoped, even unable to volunteer at the hospital (I worked in the NHS before I left the UK) I was unable to get a NEW DBS check, AND I was unable to buy a car as I could not get my UK licence back ! and the small local bus route was changed to exclude the hospital ! sadly without a car and transport it is now impossible to volunteer as there is nothing around me to volunteer for ! My only daughter now 44 has not contacted me for 17 years...my husband died in France in 2019 ...my only brother died in 2018 and I have no other relatives. Luckily I met a couple at my brother;s funeral who have become friends, and have invited me for Christmas day and I am very grateful to them ! I do travel a lot as long as I am able but am dreading getting to the stage where I will be alone, maybe ill or incapacitated and having (IF there were any !) to find a care home for £8,000 a month, as no palliative or social care is available. I would choose Dignitas but not allowed ........as long as I can get out each day to just people watch in town over a coffee I can keep going ! Not feeling sorry for myself, simply stating a fact !!!

ALANaV

Yes, I am completely alone ...having moved back to the UK from living in France just as COVID struck I was unable to join clubs, volunteer etc as I had hoped, even unable to volunteer at the hospital (I worked in the NHS before I left the UK) I was unable to get a NEW DBS check, AND I was unable to buy a car as I could not get my UK licence back ! and the small local bus route was changed to exclude the hospital ! sadly without a car and transport it is now impossible to volunteer as there is nothing around me to volunteer for ! My only daughter now 44 has not contacted me for 17 years...my husband died in France in 2019 ...my only brother died in 2018 and I have no other relatives. Luckily I met a couple at my brother;s funeral who have become friends, and have invited me for Christmas day and I am very grateful to them ! I do travel a lot as long as I am able but am dreading getting to the stage where I will be alone, maybe ill or incapacitated and having (IF there were any !) to find a care home for £8,000 a month, as no palliative or social care is available. I would choose Dignitas but not allowed ........as long as I can get out each day to just people watch in town over a coffee I can keep going ! Not feeling sorry for myself, simply stating a fact !!!

I was discussing care home fees today with a friend and we both decided we would much prefer to live in a hotel, it would probably cost less.. I think Simone de Beauvoir did this..

All it takes is a series of events to slot into, or maybe out of place, and thats it.
You're out of the loop.

Can I just say re the therapy that sometimes its a long term project. I had a very difficult childhood and didnt get myself to therapy until I was in my late-40s. It took eighteen months of meeting weekly with the therapist until I managed to acknowledge some of the issues holding me back in life. Good therapists dont give advice, they guide the process whereby you talk everything through and find the answers yourself. Its hard work, but boy is it worth it. My life was transformed from being a silent, lonely outcast who never felt they belonged, to leading the kind of life I had always yearned for. Please dont be hard on yourself stayanotherday. I did that too, but everyone is worth it and you may well come to understand, as I did, that life dealt you a few lemons at a formative stage and that many of the sunny, outgoing, popular people never had those things to deal with. If you can get to a place where you like yourself then you will find others will like you too.

I moved in to a street of bungalows and me and husband are the youngest in the street. We’ve been here for 3 years and have adopted so many people in the street. We made afternoon tea for VE day/Coronation even for the Queens funeral. Everyone gets a box of biscuits at Christmas. Some of my neighbours are truly alone and one has a son in America he hasn’t seen for 30 years but speaks to once a month. We are still young enough and fit enough to help where we can and so we do. I would hate to find myself in a situation where the only person I talk to is a TV (although I do shout at it). I love that so many of GN’s look out for their neighbours, I love the sense of community.