Developing resilience.

A very good question. They do say your 'body armour' is formed throughout your childhood. Is it formed through the love and nurture you get from parents? Is it formed through hardship? Regardless, the 'spade work' needs to be done while you are growing up. I think if you do obtain your body armour in childhood you are set for life. if not you have to form it yourself. Unfortunately life for so many chips it away entirely or is never formed at all. Hence, so many mental health problems for people resulting in suicide. There is a saying, 'It is very easy to be happy when you are, but very hard to be happy when you are unhappy'.

Resilience is something that comes from within you, when you think, 'Up with this I will not put,' or equally 'what can't be cured must be endured', or “Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense."
Possibly platitudes, but on occasions the iron enters my soul and I fight on. I have also learned to recognise that if it fails, let go and get on with the rest of my life.
But at least i tried.

I think you are born with the ability to be resilient.
You can either cope or you can’t.
You cannot learn how to be resilient you just are or not.

I had to learn resilience due to an abusive childhood.

When you know you are not loved by your parents, you have to find an inner strength.

I have managed to get through many big hurdles in my life, there has only been one sadness that left me broken, I cannot talk about it or even think about it as it’s too raw but I am healing.

Personally I find resilience is something that has to be worked at, a determined effort. I don’t think I’ve ever worked as hard at anything as I did in the year after my husband died, just to get through each day was exhausting.

I do have some role models whose attitudes I try to emulate.

Kathleen Scott (widow of Captain Scott) who spoke of her “great task of happiness” and died saying “a happier woman never lived”.

A Benedictine monk who spoke to me of his life’s work of “the beautiful labour of contentment.”

And finally my aunt who widowed after almost 60 years simply told me’”I have made up my mind to be happy.”

So I guess I think resilience is a sort of mental muscle that you can exercise and develop. Starting in childhood is best but it’s never too late.

I think some of us are slightly better equipped to cope with all life has to throw at us, but I think much has to do with upbringing and peer support

I actually believe resilience can be developed and worked on, I believe all can develop resilience with the right support.

Early in my childhood I began working to the mantra 'never make a bad situation worse'. I am not sure that I actually put it into words until later.

For a number of reasons, a health problem and, as I now realise, neural diversity, life was quite difficult as a child because, despite loving parents, I always felt very alone. I seemed always to be at odds with the world.

I just decided, quite pragmatically, that given the problems I faced, nothing was to be gained, by making my situation worse by my own actions. I was clearly quite successful at it. As an adult I was told that the doctors commented on the my remarkable equanimity in dealing with my medical problem, that often caused children real mental distress.

I do not think it is a question of being 'happy' in face of diversity, but rather of minimising the unhappiness.

Usedtobeblonde

I think you are born with the ability to be resilient.
You can either cope or you can’t.
You cannot learn how to be resilient you just are or not.

I don't wish for this to develop into an arguement.....plenty of that elsewhere! Also just because I started this idea doesn't mean I have any ownership over it....but I think I would disagree.

I think you can work at it, develop it. Not ruminate, try to note the positives,( try to be active where possible)

Sago

I had to learn resilience due to an abusive childhood.

When you know you are not loved by your parents, you have to find an inner strength.

I have managed to get through many big hurdles in my life, there has only been one sadness that left me broken, I cannot talk about it or even think about it as it’s too raw but I am healing.

What a sadness for you so early in life 💐

It is true that resilience is formed in childhood. It is harder to come by as an adult but having a good support system will help. Examine the motivation of situations and people that you struggle with and allow them to be difficult while you remain true to yourself.

Cossy

I think some of us are slightly better equipped to cope with all life has to throw at us, but I think much has to do with upbringing and peer support

I actually believe resilience can be developed and worked on, I believe all can develop resilience with the right support.

I believe the same

If you are broken in childhood by neglect and trauma, you have to out the work in alright.

I have no idea how you develop resilience. I have needed it by the bucketful in my life. Looking back I have no idea how I have got through some of the things I have. I suppose just keep getting out of bed in the morning and do your best.

"You cannot do anything about the past but you can do better with the future."

Kate1949

I have no idea how you develop resilience. I have needed it by the bucketful in my life. Looking back I have no idea how I have got through some of the things I have. I suppose just keep getting out of bed in the morning and do your best.

Jeanathome
Please don’t mind your post to me.
I like that we all have different ideas and views.
You certainly haven’t started an argument with me 😎

Thanks Usedtobe

Usedtobeblonde

I think you are born with the ability to be resilient.
You can either cope or you can’t.
You cannot learn how to be resilient you just are or not.

I think that if you decide that you were not born with the ability to be resilient, and cannot learn how to do so, you will always be the victim of your circumstances, whatever happens to you, big or small disasters.

If you decide that, born to it or not, you will cope, then you will get through what life throws at you.

I think some people are in situations where the amount of resilience needed just to survive the day is huge.maybe just too great without support. This is where friends, family, community groups are so important.

I think I learnt resilience as a teenager. My older sister became mentally ill and took up my parents’ attention, so I quickly realised it was up to me to get on with sorting myself out, an approach which has continued throughout my life.

Victim or victor? Your choice.

LauraNorderr

Victim or victor? Your choice.

I don't think life and human beings are quite that simple.

LauraNorderr

Victim or victor? Your choice.

I agree LauraNorderr with this. It’s a mindset.

No jean. It's not that simple. Maybe it is for some people, not everyone

I watched a Tedtalk by a New Zealand woman who in the early 2000s lost her daughter and her best friend in a random car crash.

Since then she has made it her mission to teach children, especially, to develop resilience. Two of her main pointers I remember from the talk are 1 to accept that basically "shit " happens and 2 that when you are in the early stages of getting through a terrible time always think is what I am doing helping or hindering my recovery.

There was much more to her talk. I will try and remember her name. But she teaches resilience in schools which is something perhaps we need in our schools. Maybe it is taught here as well.