To Have Or Not To Have Children

The choice to have or not have children is for the parents only. It has nothing to do with anyone else and they shouldn't have to give reasons.

I'm in total agreement with the woman who said she's fed up having to give reasons for her decision.

It’s a personal decision but I always wonder how many have decided not to have children and then regretted their decision when it’s too late.

I know childless couples who are very happy with their decision not to have had children. If you are both in agreement
its up to you, Every child should be a wanted one. Its no one else's business.

Our eldest daughter and her husband made a decision not to.
She’s not far off 50 now.
No regrets.

Better to regret not having had children later than to regret having had them now?

Nobody has to give a reason why they had children so those that choose not to have them should be afforded the same courtesy.

Of the ones I know -
Some feel they dont have time
Some feel they would rather prioritise a house
Some feel there are enough kids around already

Or a combination of the above.

Nobody’s business I certainly wouldn’t feel the need to explain if I hadn’t of wanted children

Well fancythat how about some Women do not have a Maternal instinct, rare I know but definitely a good enough reason not to have them. Simply not wanting to have Children is a good enough reason, no explanations necessary.

I’m more concerned for all the parents that give it almost zero consideration and keep popping them out.

I agree Judy54.
A person I used to work with, decades ago, didnt want them.
Her choice.
She used to bring it up from time to time. I used to think she didnt need to. We all understood. It wasnt a big deal.

I admire people who decide they won’t have children, for whatever reason. Children should be wanted. How many are not and have a miserable life?

I wanted children more than anything in the world.

AGAA4

The choice to have or not have children is for the parents only. It has nothing to do with anyone else and they shouldn't have to give reasons.

Absolutely. No-one should have to justify their reasons to anyone. My daughter's always been adamant that she didn't want to have children, and very open about it. Didn't stop people asking when she was going to have babies though, especially after she got married last summer. Many women aren't particularly maternal. I'm not.

I had been married quite a long time before I had children, partly because we delayed for financial reasons and partly because it took a while before I conceived the first time.

I never discussed it with my immediate family or close friends but several acquaintances and work colleagues assumed that I had chosen to be child free. Several people thought it was a good thing as I obviously wasn't the maternal type and others thought it was selfish of me to not want children. I had not wanted to discuss my childlessness with any of these people let alone asked for their opinions. I still don't understand why they thought I had to defend my perceived position.

I don't think there is such a stigma attached to choosing to be childless as society is generally more tolerant of people who don't tread the well worn path of conventional behaviour. Also we are more aware of the fragility of the world than previous generations have been.

IMO nobody should have to justify having or not having children to anybody.

DD was 4 when she first expressed doubts about having children and around 20, she decided she wasn't that keen onhaving a committed relationship with anyone.

No on in our family has ever questioned her or felt the need to know why she has made these decisions, She is now in her mid-50s. DS went the conventional route, wife and babies and we have never questioned his decisions either.

I just think whatever a couple, or woman, decides is entirely up to them.

We have 5 children between us, 4 doing well and contributing to society, and one trying to make it with a band 😱😱.

As an only child I longed for a big family and I feel privileged to have this happen.

The couples I feel most empathy with are those who try and try for babies, get pregnant and lose them, and people ask them when they are going to start a family.

I have three children and none have children. My daughter is a career girl and simply has no maternal feelings...; one son and his wife enjoy the freedom they have without children; other son intended to have children but the time just never seemed right.

I have never understood why so many women have babies but are quite happy for someone else to bring them up while they go out to work. For me, being a mother was all about looking after a baby and being a proper mother.

I have a few married friends who chose not to have children, for different reasons. One because she didn’t want the risk of having a child with the same character as her (horrible) father, one a career girl who chose to be sterilised because she was certain from childhood that she never wanted children, and one who is very environmentally conscious and thinks there are already enough children in the world. None of them regretted their choices - I think those who are most likely to are those who make a purely economic decision, or whose partners don’t want them so they go along with that.

No reasons or justifications needed, people should really not have to explain.

It’s an entirely personal decision, and nothing to do with anyone else at all.

Some people long for a family of their own, others don’t have the desire for children. (I realise, of course, there are couples who long for a child and are unable to have one, which is desperately sad and my heart goes out to them, but I think this thread is more along the lines of people who decide one way or the other about having children).

The decision is, as I say, a personal one, and it’s not for anyone else to question that decision.

With all due respect, mum2three, not every couple can afford for the mother (or father) to be a stay at home parent, even if they would like to. You have been very fortunate to be able to do so, for others that choice isn’t an option in todays world.

Having young children now means forever juggling work and childcare. It costs a fortune, means parents hardly see them between weekends, there are constant panics over sick children and breakdown of care.
Two of my daughters could only pursue their careers because they had parents and in laws nearby, giving years of free care. The daughter with no relatives available was away from breakfast to bedtime, paying the same as their mortgage each month for care.
Eldest daughter is childless, well-off and high up in her job.
Children are our future. It should not be so hard to have them and look after them.

mum2three

I have three children and none have children. My daughter is a career girl and simply has no maternal feelings...; one son and his wife enjoy the freedom they have without children; other son intended to have children but the time just never seemed right.

I have never understood why so many women have babies but are quite happy for someone else to bring them up while they go out to work. For me, being a mother was all about looking after a baby and being a proper mother.

I think you’ll find those of us who had to work as no real choice, or choose to work as had great careers, including me, are all “proper mothers”

A very rude and patronising remark!

My grandmother once told me that she was very scared and wished she had not got pregnant at the time my father was born. He was born in 1915 and my grandfather was not with her as he was a medical officer with the Anzacs in Gallipoli. My grandmother said that she didn't regret having my father but at the time of his birth the world seemed too awful a place to bring a child into.

I wonder if subsequent generations have wondered about having children for similar reasons.