To Have Or Not To Have Children

Churchview

I don't have children or a large extended family either Strawberriesandpears. They do say that friends are like the family that you chose for yourself and that's exactly how I feel about the friends I love and treasure.

Aww that's lovely! Would you mind if I sent you a message, please? I would find it so helpful to chat to someone in a similar position to myself.

Strawberriesandpears I've just messaged you.

Actually my friends who don’t have children, by choice or otherwise, are the best fun to be with.
They’ve maintained lots of different interests and friendships and seem to be enjoying life tremendously.

I don’t any signs of loneliness. I suppose they might feel differently in extreme old age but then they and people with children and grandchildren will probably be relying on non family carers at that stage anyway.

Ridiculous comment to say childfree people will be lonely. I have a neighbour aged 95 - she has advanced dementia and her children live abroad. They haven't come back to look after her!

I think if you are childfree you are naturally more resilient. I was an only child and went to boarding school so you have to toughen up!

I hear so many stories of estrangement. So having children does not guarantee a wonderful old age!

Keeping fit, voluntary work, hobbies, U3A, and having social interaction keep you mentally healthy.

SIL tried for years to have a baby and despite being pregnant a few times unfortunately she wasn’t able to carry to full term. It’s very upsetting for her when people ask didn’t she want children and pretty thoughtless of them.

No one should be asking or have to explain

When you date the same person for several years 'When are you going to get engaged?'. You eventually get engaged 'When are you going to get married?'. You get married 'When are you going to have children?'. You have a child 'When are you going to have another baby?'.
It is honestly no-one else's business what someone else does, as long as they are not hurting anyone.
Does anyone think that it may be very hurtful to ask the couple, when in fact one or both of them can't physically have children? I do wish people would mind their own business sometimes.

mum2three

I have three children and none have children. My daughter is a career girl and simply has no maternal feelings...; one son and his wife enjoy the freedom they have without children; other son intended to have children but the time just never seemed right.

I have never understood why so many women have babies but are quite happy for someone else to bring them up while they go out to work. For me, being a mother was all about looking after a baby and being a proper mother.

The cost of housing nowadays too often means that 2 salaries are needed to pay the mortgage. Since I never needed to work when dds were small, I did feel a bit sad when the Gdd had to attend a nursery for part of the week, but on realising how much she enjoyed it and really thrived there - ditto later for Gds - I completely changed my mind. So good for socialising, learning to share and take turns, too.

Barleyfields

It’s a personal decision but I always wonder how many have decided not to have children and then regretted their decision when it’s too late.

I know 3 who bitterly regret it. One being my sister. She was very career driven and was blissfully child free until the age of 55 when she was made redundant. I didn't realise she regretted her decision until she told me at the age of 65. I was very surprised by this.

I also know a couple of women, professional, driven , no need of kids but who now feel that at 60+ their decision was being regretted. We just don't really think about how we will eventually age and not be quite so useful. I'm certainly not expecting my children to look after me in my dotage. I'm not particularly a hands on parent/grandparent but it's nice to know they're out there, living their lives

If you don't want children that's absolutely fine. Even though we're now being encouraged due to under population, which is going to be a massive problem in the western world in the near future.

The only hope for the planet is to reduce the human population massively.

It’s unsustainable at present levels.

The last two posts.
Under or over populated?

I’d heard under. Well, in Europe. It’s a growing concern (apparently).

Underpopulation s a concern for the (relatively) short term economics of individual countries.

If we’re concerned about pollution and irretrievable damage to the earth the only way to halt that is to reduce the human population.

The UK used to be 2.4 children. Hence the comedy programme of that name.
It is now 1.4 children.
There is growing concern.

DD told me from the age of 12 years that she would not be having children as she was going to be a career woman.
She married young and true to her word did not have children, she lives abroad and travels the world.
DS married in his mid thirties and had children.
I am absolutely fine with everyone's choices.

It just depends on what you want in life. I know several women who had no interest in having chidren and myself decided at an early age I never wanted to marry and have chidren. Perhaps an omen as I could never get girlfriends when I was in my 20s as I was always in and out of work, and when I did get a regular job, only had short relationships and decided in my 40s to give up.

Can't imagine not wanting children.My husband and I adopted a girl, then 2 years later a boy. That was no problem for us, as my Husbands parents had adopted him at a few weeks old. The children were, and still are our pride and joy.

Fidelity - your children are lucky to have been adopted by you and your husband. You are very special people.