“Bet Lynch”

Just because she doesn't have the Bet Lynch looks now doesn't mean she's still not beautiful to those who love her. A photo on her 83rd birthday. What's wrong with that?
Why do women always have to look good no matter what they are going through?

Anniebach

Facebook gives privacy?

Well, he shared a happy story on Facebook but then the media picked it up and make more of it.

The photo he posted last year of Julie show how much she has changed since then, dementia is very cruel.

Anniebach

Facebook gives privacy?

It can do, depending on how you have your settings. You can lock your page down so that no-one can see it unless they are on your friends list.

I thought it was pretty unkind but he must have a reason. I think my main problem is that she can’t consent to it.

I think he sees her every day, accepts how she is, his dear wife and just didn't think it would be publicised by the voracious press and might shock people who remembered her as Bet Lynch.

She looks happy which means she is loved and cared for and that's all that matters.

I remember when DH's aunt had dementia and refused to have her teeth in or have her hair cut. She looked completely different from the very smart woman we always remembered.

Should we hide people with dementia away?
As if we're ashamed of them?

Allira

I think he sees her every day, accepts how she is, his dear wife and just didn't think it would be publicised by the voracious press and might shock people who remembered her as Bet Lynch.

She looks happy which means she is loved and cared for and that's all that matters.

I remember when DH's aunt had dementia and refused to have her teeth in or have her hair cut. She looked completely different from the very smart woman we always remembered.

Should we hide people with dementia away?
As if we're ashamed of them?

Yes, I agree. I do understand the whole consent issue, but having been through dementia with my mother and MiL, I get this side of the debate too.
I remember a cousin coming to the care home to visit my mum, who she hadn't seen for several years. There was a photo of my mum outside her room, and when my cousin saw it, she said 'that's not my auntie' and point blank refused to see her in person.
But that was how she looked. That was her reality.
A friend who works in a dementia care home said this, and I think it is very true.
"I don't see any cruelty in the photo, I see a woman with a big smile on her face looking happy. It's disgusting that people think that her husband should hide her away as if she's something to be ashamed of. To her husband she's still Julie, still the woman he married and he's still proud of her. Dementia isn't pretty, it's cruel and it's harder on the loved ones who are watching dementia slowly taking our loved one further away from us but we still see the person inside, we see glimpses of the person they once were, they still deserve to be loved and valued and seen. I think people need to learn about dementia and see that those who live with it are still human, still important and more importantly they are still loved."

Thank you ViceVersa

Your friend is very wise.

Yes Viceversa I am so glad more people are understanding this photo and perhaps his reasons He doesn’t see her as different, the changes have been gradual for him for us it was an OMG moment but he is with her all the time and obviously wanted to capture the happy moment of her birthday, and my goodness she looks happy clean and tidy
I have photos of both my Mum and Nan with me when they didn’t look their selves but they are my Mum and Nan and I can never see them as anything but beautiful and no I didn’t ask their permission they would have had no idea what I was talking about

Why Facebook?

I agree Anniebach it's one thing sharing a photo with family and friends but quite another to put it out there in the public domain. I would be horrified if this happened to me.

Well as the OAP I stand by my original thought that it was unnecessary and very unwise.
He may see her as she is, his wife no matter what, but to the public who remember her it is a shock and somewhat cruel.

I think Scott did a good job in showing Julie as she is now. But apparently he's now deleted that particular photo.

There's far too much obsession with looking ''glamourous and perfect'', if that's how Julie looks now then so be it.

She's still a gorgeous lady now as she was years ago, well, I think she is.

She has a brilliant son, grandkids, 4th hubby, fans and many more that love her to bits and that's what counts, not that she's old, toothless and her mind is going.

She was fantastic as Marlene Dietrich in Stars In Their Eyes in 2003, it's a pity she lost but she should have won!

Apparently a lot of other actors in Corrie didn't like her, lots of witching and backstabbing but ''nice'' to her face.

She was only 18 when she had her son Gary.

She's a legend!

AGAA4 I fully agree with you 100%!

Yet again, why Facebook ?

Anniebach

Yet again, why Facebook ?

I don't know, he must have had his reasons. Perhaps he was naive and thought he was only sharing it with family and friends and didn't realise the media regularly take photos from FB?

She will always be beautiful to me. Leave her to live her life. Love you Julie. 🤗❤️🌺

Unnecessary.

Not everyone with Alzheimers will be able to access dental care. As my mother progressed with dementia, she became less and less willing to allow any intrusive medical care at all. I don't think it's fair to criticse her husband for that. Everyone is different.
I have the same issue with my disabled son, who will not let a medical professional of any kind within 10 feet of him.

^ Should we hide people with dementia away?^
As if we're ashamed of them?

Julie’s choice was always to look smart and well presented.

My question is, Would she have put that photo up herself, or agreed to it being put up?

If you don’t know the answer, then was it respectful to post it?

How many people without dementia say oh don’t show that picture or *oh I look dreadful in that picture. Please delete it?

It's a very unkind thing to do. She hasn't been seen in public for a while, possibly because she was aware enough of what was happening to her and didn't want to. Why, now she has lost capacity, should anyone else put her in the public gaze again? Awful.

2507C0

It's a very unkind thing to do. She hasn't been seen in public for a while, possibly because she was aware enough of what was happening to her and didn't want to. Why, now she has lost capacity, should anyone else put her in the public gaze again? Awful.

She hasn't been seen in public for a while
Apparently she is seen often being taken out and about in her neighbourhood.

Her neighbourhood is not Facebook so still why Facebook

Anniebach

Her neighbourhood is not Facebook so still why Facebook

You'd have to ask him that. How should any of us know why he chose to post it there?

I'm really wondering what's driving the ideas of the many people who were 'offended' in some way or other by this photograph. To me, these ideas are all fuelled by the belief that women are only worth having any visibility if they look pretty and vibrant, and that as soon as women cease to be as attractive they're worthless and should live a 'private' life.

Julie Goodyear's husband is just that - her husband, her next of kin who's been with her solidly for years. Now he can't post a picture of the woman he loves because it makes others cringe? And all that backlash causes him - the person who's with her daily - to have to remove it. The lady is suffering in exactly the same way as tens of thousands of others who are no longer as eye-catching - does this mean we have to be shielded from her? Why does everybody have to be seen in a flattering light? This is reality and her husband is marking that - incidentally Julie looks as though she's enjoying herself - still possible for a person with dementia, and that's what we should be applauding, instead of averting our eyes.

ViceVersa

Anniebach

Her neighbourhood is not Facebook so still why Facebook

You'd have to ask him that. How should any of us know why he chose to post it there?

Why does anyone post on Facebook? Happy birthday pictures, holiday pictures etc.