GN makes me lonelier

One of my friends leads a very full life. She teaches Yoga and Pilates, belongs to a Book Group, goes on a lot of outings with U3A , and lunches with friends. But she tells me she finds the evenings on her own very lonely.

I was sitting at home yesterday thinking about the day stretching ahead of me until my son came home from work. First his ex came in with my youngest grandson for a quick visit and after they left my daughter arrived with the middle grandson so we sat down with tea and biscuits. By the time she left I was thinking "Aren't I ever going to get some time to myself?" Some of us just aren't ever satisfied are we?

I get where you are coming from. Life is a bit challenging at times but please keep posting on GM. I enjoy your posts and sending a big hug to you ❤️

Hellogirl1 a poignant post. 💐
and not boring at all, just sorrowful.

I think the GM thread has changed from the early days of GN.

It used to be very matter of fact - the weather and planned happenings during the day. Now, it is much more chatty and responsive. Obviously, things evolve but I'm not very comfortable being there nowadays.

Kate54

Perhaps we need a light-hearted ‘boring morning’ thread to level things out a bit.
My contribution today would have been ‘Took a broken mop, an old picture frame and some worn out windscreen wiper blades to the tip. Considered clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. But didn’t.’

Now, you see, to me that sounds an exciting day! I love going to the dump. There’s usually a cross section of folk there, sometimes someone I know to chat to, and quite often there’s a to-do about someone throwing the wrong thing into a skip and staff have to become involved! All life is at the skip, evidenced by the fact that the car in front of me recently was a Bentley.

Elvera1

Hi Rosie
I was widowed unexpectedly 7 months ago. I’ve got two teenage girls that now I’m bringing up alone,, but I still feel incredibly lonely. The girls are getting older now but still need me to be around to keep an eye on them.
I’m still working as I’m mid 50’s, which keeps me busy to a point, but not having my lovely DH to spend time with or chat to, it hurs. Everyone else seems busy don’t they, making plans etc.

I read the Good Morning thread too every day, I enjoy reading it. I don’t post as I haven’t got anything of interest to say. So I totally get where you’re coming from.

So sorry Elveral. I was widowed quite suddenly in my fifties too. That was nine years ago but it still seems like yesterday. Sending you love and strength.

flappergirl

Elvera1

Hi Rosie
I was widowed unexpectedly 7 months ago. I’ve got two teenage girls that now I’m bringing up alone,, but I still feel incredibly lonely. The girls are getting older now but still need me to be around to keep an eye on them.
I’m still working as I’m mid 50’s, which keeps me busy to a point, but not having my lovely DH to spend time with or chat to, it hurs. Everyone else seems busy don’t they, making plans etc.

I read the Good Morning thread too every day, I enjoy reading it. I don’t post as I haven’t got anything of interest to say. So I totally get where you’re coming from.

So sorry Elveral. I was widowed quite suddenly in my fifties too. That was nine years ago but it still seems like yesterday. Sending you love and strength.

Thank you Flappergirl. Some days are easier than others as you know.

kittylester

I think the GM thread has changed from the early days of GN.

It used to be very matter of fact - the weather and planned happenings during the day. Now, it is much more chatty and responsive. Obviously, things evolve but I'm not very comfortable being there nowadays.

I have been on it for eleven years and do agree the dynamics have changed.
However, I think it has mainly become more supportive and not so impersonal.

Silverbrook, I am obviously not making myself clear. I agree with everything you wrote. But the OP and others have talked about being devastated by seeing children and grandchildren less, I can fully understand that, but that also bothers me, because I would be afraid to load all my purpose in living on such a frail barque.

Everything in life is so transient and fragile, even family ties should not be the be all and end all of life. There need to be other things as well, so that as one thing collapses around us, there is somewhere else to go. It doesn't mean you do not grieve over what has passed.

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug, RosiesMaw. Down days are hard to climb out of, aren’t they? I don’t post about my activities either as my days are all very similar.
🤗

Chin up, Maw.It is what it is and we have to get on with it.

I often link down days to anxiety about the future, especially when family move away. We’re self reliant and being any sort of burden is simply not on the agenda but every now and then it all piles in and normal feelings become a bit of a whirlpool.

But we’re NOT sinkers, we’re swimmers.

I remember my sister and my mum telling me how lonely they were and I was full of advice of what they could do . I was working full time had a partner, a horse and a couple of dogs there was always people popping in and my son lived fairly near.
20 years on I now know how they felt.
my son and family live abroad,mum and sister are no longer here and the husband has moved on.
I still have a dog and help out with a friends horse Im healthy and solvent but living alone can be so hard. The days are long and only one friend calls in once a week, sometimes apart from talking to other dog walkers I don't speak to anyone apart from my son who face times me every night.
Like me, 20 years ago, he cannot understand what it feels like.

RosieandherMaw
I completely understand your post because I am in tthe same boat. I was widowed at 50 and I still miss my husband enormously. I live alone but like you enjoy the companionship of my dog.
No siblings or relatives other than my son who lives abroad and my daughter, son-in-law (both work alcoholics!) and 2 grandchildren who live nearby. They lead extremely busy lives so get togethers are few and far between. The good times when I was needed have naturally dwindled as the GC have grown older and I have adjusted accordingly.
glasshalffullagain Fri 15.42 has written an interesting post I think.
MOnica says women are far too dependent on families but I don't think I nor my friends are. We accept that society has changed. Working parents are busy people, concerned with their careers, their family, their social life and IF they think Granny might enjoy their company a bit more often do they have the time?
So ....widowhood results in feeling down in the dumps sometimes. When that happens to me I wallow awhile and then do something nice, a long dog walk, a bike/ bus ride, a swim for example. I have acclimatised myself to lone trips to restaurants and various entertainment which hugely mitigates feeling sad especially on weekends and Public holidays. It's a bit of a battle isn't it...

I have a DH and family living nearby but it’s not all as it seems. I’m very cross and hurt at the moment, with one family, DH agrees with me but refuses to be drawn in and won’t talk about it.
So loneliness comes in all forms. All I want to do is sit and wallow, but I’m going to give my head a shake and get on with my own things today and hope this horrible feeling doesn’t last long. I’m Sorry your feeling down. Hope you feel much better today.

Some lovely responses and my thanks for all your kind thoughts.
I seem to have triggered something though and realise from the many posts that just when you feel alone- you are far from it!
I am not devastated at living a distance from my AC and GC - nor have I built my life around them. Oddly, if I had moved nearer any of them when Paw died, I might be lonelier when they were busy (as they are!) or away. I resisted that move because to move nearer one would have doubled the distance to the others - my choice. I also think it is harder to form new friendships in a new place at our age, particularly on one’s own. GrandMattie and others have perhaps proved me wrong but my friends and neighbours from our 40 years in this village would be hard to replicate.
It is what it is - so, here I am, 24 hours later, having boxed up my inner Moaning Myrtle and told her to clear off (for now) and feeling warmed and touched by your many understanding responses 💐

Hope you have a sunnier day, in all respects, RosieandherMaw and everyone else.

Dear Rosie etc,
Thanks so much for this thread.
I do think it's part of being human that we have these depths of emotion.
My DS has been through a bad patch and I have been thinking about what helps one's mood.
One friend of mine buys a new lipstick! My daughter has a glass of wine but I don't recommend that.
Monica's point of view is interesting.
Have a friend who lives alone in family house and does not know what to do now. I tried to tell her it was freedom now to do what she wants after years of looking after other people. Easy for me to say.
As Emerson said ' it's on the debris of our despair that we build our character '

Rosie for one reason and another I’ve become a bit of an expert at going through loss. Some I could prepare for and some I couldn’t. However well you prepare you will always feel grief, sometimes when you’re not expecting it. Let your inner “moaning Myrtle” out of her box to express that grief, it will help you get back on track and as you can see you have helped others express theirs.

Rosie
I'm with you and feel the same. Poignant thread. Best wishes.

^I have been on it for eleven years and do agree the dynamics have changed.
However, I think it has mainly become more supportive and not so
impersonal^

My point about the GM Thread's change is that now it could easily emphasise how empty one's own day is by comparison.

Glad to hear that you are feeling better, RosiesMaw . Please remember, everyone is entitled to a moan ( or, indeed, a curse, if it helps).
We don't have to be Pollyanna all of the time.
I wish for you a sunnier today.

Sorry, my italics didn't work.

kittylester

^I have been on it for eleven years and do agree the dynamics have changed.
However, I think it has mainly become more supportive and not so
impersonal^

My point about the GM Thread's change is that now it could easily emphasise how empty one's own day is by comparison.

I see where you are coming from, Kitty, but some people ( myself included) enjoy hearing about what posters are doing. Sometimes I feel quite lonely, because I am unable to have that kind of life and am stuck at home unwell for weeks at a time.
However, I don't see it as a reason for people not to post about what they are doing. Should people not post about their families and activities?

Just as a matter of interest , have any GN succeeded in meeting new friends/ acquaintances later in life? I used to go to Church which gave that sense of connection and belonging. I don't believe though.

Hope for a decent day today.

This has turned into a very interesting thread, hasn’t it? Monica’s viewpoint resonates. How resilient we are at this stage in our lives depends on so many factors - when we left home, how old we were when we married, our personalities, our sense of independence (only child?) ,how we’ve dealt with those hard knocks which come to some much earlier than others.
But whatever our levels of support (family or otherwise) we can still be ‘ambushed by grief’ as one GNer beautifully put at a time when I was at a low point.
Have as good a weekend as possible ladies. The sun is still out and I’m notice there’s some rhubarb ready to pick….