Old Age is a Country

I feel as if I have been propelled into old age. My husband took half of me the day he took his own life 2 years ago.

I agree with you Madeline, the hardest thing is not knowing how you are going to be on any particular day. It makes organising anything a minefield.

MooM00

I feel as if I have been propelled into old age. My husband took half of me the day he took his own life 2 years ago.

So, so very sad to read this. hugs and love coming your way, it is hard losing them any way, but suicide is the hardest of all. I sadly know that only too well.

I just live as able as possible through all the various stages of life any age can feel unusual or different but you just get on getting on don’t you ?

Rosieandhermaw* So true. There is no Sat Nav for either.

Thank you, Win, for the hugs and love. It is really difficult. The grief is exhausting, dealing with the loss of my Husband through suicide.

So very true. In younger years I would repeat the mantra that old age is not for cissies but I know now that I didn't really understand. So much older now, I do!

I have so many advantages: loving DS and DD and 2 GC, though not nearby; many good friends, now sadly reducing; no money worries; interesting and meaningful volunteering as a befriender; really good health for my age, 80 thus summer. I should be grateful.
But - sorry if this upsets anyone - there is no true joy without my DH. I tell people that we had a ridiculous amount of fun (we did) but I mean joy.
Last summer I was very ill and weak following two operations, and truly I would have been quite glad to have died.
But I'm back to my previous fit and healthy self, better than most of my school friends, all turning 80 this year.
Of course, I know this could change very suddenly. I just feel I've had my life, thank you, and don't need any more.

Actually I think it’s natural, as we move towards the end of our lives to feel in some way that we have had enough. Maybe natures way of preparing us to let go.
A bit like pregnancy when you have loved what is happening but then your body and mind just reach that feeling of ‘enough”.
I don’t think we should worry when that feeling comes as long as it’s a feeling for a job well done, and nearly completed.

Having said that Romola I do understand the loss of that one person who made life joyful and how hard it can be to carry on without them. 💐

As I said in another thread what I seek now is contentment.

RosieandherMaw

And widowhood is a foreign country in which we find ourselves unwilling immigrants.

Got to live with them both though

My feelings too.

Taichinan

FGT my son gave me that poem in the form of a booklet for my 60th birthday almost 24 years ago! I still don't wear purple - that's an old person's colour 😉 - but I wear every other colour under the sun. My home is colourful too - some people might say they need sunglasses to enter 😂

Your home looks beautiful! I too have a bright and cheerful home. Not as colourful as yours but with plenty of light furniture and nice cushions. Most of my furniture comes from The Cotswold Company. They do have some gorgeous stuff!

Romola it is true that true joy dies when our life's partner dies.
But contentment shouldn't be underrated and is something we can teach ourselves. It has taken me a very long time, but there are times now when I really do feel it.
I like the sound of the words "An Attitude of Gratitude" and I use them as a sort of mantra when I'm feeling down. There's the obvious happiness of knowing that all our children have grown into adults to be proud of and watching our grandchildren doing the same, but there are the little things. For instance, I love the view from my garden room windows over fields and water to distant hills, and always try not to take that for granted. And I take a ridiculous amount of pleasure from sitting on the bench beside the little pond in my garden and trying to count the goldfish - it's a great pleasure on a sunny afternoon.
And by the way thank you to those of you who said you liked my colourful room - those colours make me feel happy too.
I am frightened now that dying is not such a remote prospect, I won't pretend I'm not, but as there's nothing I can do about it I just have to hang onto my attitude of gratitude.