Adult children don't seem to get old age!

What is your actual problem? Physically not managing to do much or complaining about family member moving back?

What do you want them to ‘get’? Your own situation or older age generally?
If it’s your own situation & difficulties, you’ll have to spell it out to them. They probably don’t want to see you as vulnerable & want to think you’re as strong as you have always been. It’s a shock when realisation suddenly dawns that our parents aren’t what they once were.
If it’s old age generally, perhaps you’re expecting a bit too much of them. They haven’t experienced being old themselves.
Old people were young once, but how many of us really empathise with the difficulties young people experience now? It’s a different world.

Have a candid, but pleasant chat with them

If you are "talking the talk", about older age, I cant see how they are going to understand.

I don't have much problem with my own AC who are no longer spring chickens themselves. We compare our arthritic fingers!

However I host young people from around the world who work in exchange for bed and board. Sometimes I really have to explain what I most need help with. It isn't often cooking because I can still do that but anything that involves lifting from heavy shopping or boxes (I'm decluttering) to digging, carting wheelbarrows full of compost from one end of the garden to another. General labouring!
The one here now has fixed up my bike to make it roadworthy. I'm thrilled.
Maybe, as others have suggested, your own DC hate to think of you getting old.

It’s exactly how I’m feeling at the moment. I tried to explain to my daughter the other day that I was getting to be rather housebound and her reply, in a matter of fact way ( which was correct and to the point) was that I needed to think about getting a walk in shower ( which I can’t really afford) and that I needed to declutter my house because ‘if you’re housebound you need to be in a pleasant environment’. Again, perfectly true. I guess I wanted something more caring, but, at the same time didn’t want to be regarded as a doddery old woman.

How do you know your mother was living a stress free life at your age. It may appeared so superficially, but she could have been wracked by stress and worries. You may well appear stress free and relaxed to your children.

I should have known better I suppose. Do some of you sit here waiting to jump on the next unfortunate who is reaching out slightly befuddled by it all?

I am not jumping on you, but rather suggesting that just as you read your mother's situation at your age as pleasant and unstressed, perhaps this is what your children are doing to you.

Sometimes when the swan is gliding serenely over the water, their feet are working like blazes to defeat the current.

Perhaps your children see you as settled happy with few problems, when actually they are completely misreading the situation.

I get it lafergar we go to visit our DD in Australia, have done on and off for years. Now we are heading towards our mid 70’s we go for longer and try to go once a year.
We have seen all of the continent that we want to and DH has pulmonary fibrosis so isn’t able to be as active as he used to be so I have tried to explain that we just want to walk the dog on the beach in a leisurely manner, go for a paddle or some easy swimming in the sea. Tennis in 30degree heat is no longer a pleasure (if it ever was)
We don’t want to explore unless it’s to the nearby brewery by the river.
She seems to think that we are having a terribly boring time and need to up our game!

lafergar

I should have known better I suppose. Do some of you sit here waiting to jump on the next unfortunate who is reaching out slightly befuddled by it all?

How do you expect your children to ^get it) They’ve never been where you are whereas you have been where they are.

I am a similar age to you well certainly nearer 70 than 60. I am not quite sure what you are asking but my adult children don't really have any concept of my age probably because to them I don't seem any different than I was 20 years ago. I fortunately don't have any medical impairments so I still function pretty much as well as I always have.
Have you explained any of your thoughts to them?

Some interesting ideas. How can anybody "get anything" they haven't lived? By being empathetic.

By taking time, by having some imagination and care.

As I explained rosie I am severely hampered by chronic pain caused by medical negligence. I prefer not to bother AC with this.

MayBee70
You obviously know this but if you feel your mobility is worsening you really must get on top of the clutter.
Your mobility could possible at some time necessitate a walking frame or walking stick.
Common sense dictates that you must have clear uncluttered walk ways.

M0nica

I am not jumping on you, but rather suggesting that just as you read your mother's situation at your age as pleasant and unstressed, perhaps this is what your children are doing to you.

Sometimes when the swan is gliding serenely over the water, their feet are working like blazes to defeat the current.

Perhaps your children see you as settled happy with few problems, when actually they are completely misreading the situation.

Thank You Monica, On a purely practical note my mother never had to worry about paying for a dentist for example.

Comparisons are not helpful and life has moved on. I know this but my mind wanders off there.

Lafergar
Sad to say but your the one who’s not getting it One could have all the empathy in the world but: unless or until you have actually been in that situation you can’t possible get it

OK, as you wish, have a nice day.

You are in chronic pain but do not bother your children with this No wonder they do not respond with sympathy.

I am very doubtful about empathy. the phrase about 'walking in someone's shoes'. Everyone's feet are a different size and shape and walking in someone elses shoes would be very uncomfortable, but for reasons that relate only to the person wearing shoes that are ill fitting

I'm not sure our daughters 'get' my 4 miscarriages, 2 TKR, and other ills. However, I knew my Mum and grandparents were devastated by all male pilots in our family being killed in the war.

I was told a bit and felt their sadness. Perhaps talk a bit of your pain?

I should have known better I suppose. Do some of you sit here waiting to jump on the next unfortunate who is reaching out slightly befuddled by it all?

Nobody has ‘jumped’ on you OP.
How did you want/expect people to respond? You said that your AC don’t ‘get’ old age, but you don’t want to bother them with your troubles. Unless they are medically qualified and/ or have some peculiar insight, I think you’re expecting a bit too much from them.
‘Shy bairns get nowt.’
The same applies to old people.
Ask them to do things for you if you need them to help you.

lafergar I'm sorry you are in pain . I have hip arthritis which is painful and I have told my ACs. As they know I have difficulties they respond and help as much as they can
I think you should be open about your pain with your ACs and may find as I did that they will show empathy. 💐

We can't really expect those younger than ourselves to "get old age" they don't have aches and pains, feel constantly tired, no longer can spring clean the whole house in the course of two days, or whatever else we are bothered by.

Nor are they mind-readers,

So sit them down and explain exactly what your situation is, what you would like help with, or concern expressed for.

You have to share your worries with your children. It's not fair to expect them to be mind readers.

Roles do reverse as we age. I tried to explain that in my first reply but you didn't respond Lafergar.

Let them help you. Don't suffer in silence.

Monica, I believe used the phrase " jumped on".

empathy
/ˈɛmpəθi/
noun
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.