Friend Short Tempered

She sounds stressed to hell, taking it out on you as you are her good friend. Not sure what you can say or do, tbh. Is she elderly? Suffering from poor health perhaps.

I have a friend who behaves in a similar manner. To keep the friendship which I do value I have accepted that she has a somewhat histrionic personality.

Sometimes people just want to have a rant, they dont want advice or sympathy just someone to nod and agree.

Elowen33

Sometimes people just want to have a rant, they dont want advice or sympathy just someone to nod and agree.

I agree. The best thing sometimes is just to have a sympathetic ear. Sort of walk with her through it. More suggestions - and it's natural you want to help -are great for some, just the ticket, but for others it's best to let her work through it unless she specifically asks for advice. You've tried so hard it does you credit - time to try another way?

Would she consider employing a project manager?

www.checkatrade.com/blog/cost-guides/house-renovation-project-manager-cost/

Not sure that checkatrade is a reliable source, but there will be others.

It's really hard to cope with an angry friend especially when you're trying to sympathesise and be helpful.
As you've been friends for a long time I guess that she thinks that it's okay .
Either you walk away from your relationship or you grin and bear it or perhaps tell her how you feel .
I'm feeling disenchanted with several of my friends.
I really don't feel well and they don't seem to understand that I get tired.
I continue to be polite,sympathetic and caring towards them and I can't say that they offer the same courtesies to me .
And I've got increasingly fed up with it .

I have moved many times . Her upsetment is understandsblr . Try just listening and not being
SO JUDGEy . You Are not really a very good friend .

I presume she’s under a lot of stress and probably kicking herself if I was in your position I would agree with all she’s saying and emphasise but not offer any real ideas as she will only see you as someone else to blame
Just be there for her and praise any parts that are completed

Elowen33

Sometimes people just want to have a rant, they dont want advice or sympathy just someone to nod and agree.

Think Elowen has nailed it. It can be infuriating when someone seems to be suggesting the blindingly obvious, which very often is the case when they are on the outside of a problem. Not only is it not helpful, it assumes that you won’t have thought of it yourself. If your friend is already feeling that she did the wrong thing by moving (and it can be an expensive mistake) being treated as though she’s a bit dim to boot could be the final straw.

At the risk of offering uninvited advice myself (), maybe stop the suggestions and just sympathise? Let her get things off her chest and agree that it must be awful, then change the subject. Or a strategy I sometimes use is to ask directly- ‘are you looking for advice or support, as I’m here for either’?

In these circumstances I think what she wants from you is just a listening ear and maybe an occasional open question like "oh dear so how do you plan to move forward on that one?" Or " That must be hard. Have you decided how you are going to move things on?" Etc

Unless she asks for advice just listen dolly. As others have said your friend is venting and it seems views you as a safe person to let off steam with. It can be hard to be constantly on the receiving end I know but a listening ear is worth so much.

I do think from your post that your friend just needs a listening ear. How big is this bungalow 18 months seems an extremely long time for renovation has she perhaps taken on too much without the funds required and it's causing her frustration.

Syracuse. I don't agree with your comments. DollyD is a good friend. She has done her best to try to help her friend. She's come on GN to try to find a way to help her friend get through this stressful episode. You are the one who is being judgemental. DollyD is a kind, supportive friend in my opinion.

I agree syracuse was somewhat sharp. The poster is a good friend trying to help but as my daughter once said to me ‘stop being a solution woman’ because it wasn’t helping.
So sympathetic listening with the occasional word of support is the order of the day.

Your post made me smile Silverlining! Some people would rather moan than fix things with a little lateral thinking!

I can’t help wondering if she is getting any help from her son since she has moved to be near him and his family.

From personal experience I would agree with 'not being a solution woman ', Silver.
I just don't agree with the OP being referred to as judgemental.
A close friend of mine always tries to come up with a solution, when all I want is for her to acknowledge that she has heard what I said.
But I know that her advice comes from a kind and caring heart.
The OP has shown great kindness and patience over the past 18 months.

Reading this reminds me of certain friends who truly just don't listen with their ears . I have on the odd stressed occasion phoned them to express my stress situation , not wanting advice or solutions , just to get my feelings out . They interrupt and overtalk and give opinions which isn't wanted . Kindly hearts but not really understanding.
Op sounds a wonderful kind understanding friend , deeply loyal , so I suggest just listen , mmm and ah when needed until she gets it out , which she will , till the next time .

Ignore Syracuse, her comments are nasty. Doodledog has it right, be a sympathetic and listening ear, as you have been doing; it's all about being heard and getting things off your chest to a good friend who doesn't immediately offer solutions, at that moment she just wants your non judgmental friendship, you sound a lovely friend and I hope she appreciates you.

Elowen33

Sometimes people just want to have a rant, they dont want advice or sympathy just someone to nod and agree.

On another thread, the advice was to nod and say something innocuous like "Goodness".

It is exhausting, though.

My question is: your friend moved to be near her family. Are they helping her out at all? Is she disappointed that they are not giving her the support she hoped for?

However don't ask her this! It could cause a rift.

I’ve a friend of 40 years who is like this. Theres always something that is a big negative in her life whether it be a property that she bought and wishes she hadn’t, problems with an old friend that she looks after, husbands health issues etc. I’ve learned from experience that she just wants a moan, not practical solutions and so I just listen and say things like ‘oh dear’ ‘you’ve so much going on’ ‘you’re coping well’ etc etc. this seems to work. I don’t offer solutions, just listen to the moaning and letting off steam.

It’s instinctive to try to find a solution that will help when someone is ‘ crying out ‘, so to speak, but as most posters suggest, it’s a sympathetic ear that’s required.