Soon to be daughter in laws kids Christmas dilemma

Maybe not give gifts at all, especially as your budget it tight. Once you make decision, one way or the other, it sets a precedent. With several children involved this could be financially tricky.

That's the best I can offer.

What does your son say, would be my first question.

And after that, even your d - i - l

Have you met these children? If so, get them a voucher each. What ages are they? I'm more interested to know why they aren't living with their mother.....

Are you implying, by your question, that a father is second best and shouldn't be the primary carer of his children?

Why do they “ have a lot on their plate as they live with their dad”?

If they visit you at Christmas it is reasonable to give gifts, you dont say if you have actually met the children, if you havn’t met them, dont give presents this year.

Troubled young children, many from broken homes are just that.

It’s 4 months until Christmas, don’t worry about it yet.

My son had a stepson although he is no longer in his life. When he was though, I never gave him gifts.

If the children live with the dad and you haven’t had any kind of relationship with them, why would you need to buy gifts?
If, however, you have seen the children fairly regularly when they are with their mother then a voucher would probably suffice, but no need to pay too much if your budget is tight.

I think you should give your soon-to-be d.i.ls kids a gift each. You shouldn’t leave them out. You don’t have to spend the same amount on them, as you would on your own grandchild (when it arrives). But the fact remains, they are, in effect, your step GC
Even though they live with their father, they will, I’m sure, be spending time with their mother and your son, over the Christmas period. And, you will get to meet them, I’m sure.
That’s my opinion, for what it’s worth.

Why do the children quote "have a lot on their plate ?

Elsi - all children have broken homes have a lot on their plate, don’t you think?

All children from broken homes, not ‘have’

Everyone loves a present. It shows you care about them especially if they know who you are.

It doesn't need to be expensive. Something age appropriate and fun.

My grandchildren have step grandparents .2 from my daughter and one from my son.Both sets of “step” grandparents have from day one just told people they have x number of Gra children and treat them as their own.
I find it sad that anyone would treat children differently ,my Gra daughters step gran even takes her out on her own without her two wee sisters for granny Gra daughter day and always tells people she’s her oldest grandchild.The 2 who are my daughters have a great relationship with granny Anne and Grandpa Joe who are in contact often from their home 400 miles away.
Why would you ever treat children differently by leaving them out of celebrations? No wonder there are a lot of sad disillusioned young people ,victims of broken relationships and not embraced by new families.
Or maybe we just do things differently here!

Boobaby 84, perhaps you could organise one gift which all three children will enjoy. A board game, puzzle, Lego or a something for the outdoors they could share?

We have 2 step grandsons but they are counted among our family. Although they see their biological father, they see DS2 as their 'Dad' so they are our grandchildren.

So, yes, buy presents. I like Dorrain's idea.

How old are these children? Assuming that they do stay with their birth mother why not make up an activity box containing paper, crayons, colouring books, glue stick……..keeping it age appropriate of course. Suggest that this is kept at mums home for when they’re visit perhaps. If they’re ever likely to visit your home perhaps suggest it’s kept there.
I’m not implying that the children shouldn’t have things at their own home……more an idea for them to feel welcome wherever they visit.

I have a step granddaughter, although I don't often refer to her as that.
She is simply one of my grandchildren and I always treat them all the same, when it comes to presents.

I married a widower with 2 children when I was a widow also with 2 children. On our first Christmas together we invited his late wife’s family for Boxing Day. They arrived with presents for their biological grandchildren but nothing for my children whom they had already met. My DD1 was 15 at the time. She’s now 45 and has never forgotten this.

I have “steps” from my S, and my exDIL , mother of my GD1 has children with her 2nd husband.
They are my GD’s siblings and are treated as GC.
One now has a child of her own and I am referred to as Nanna to him.
I would buy your S’s steps a token gift, they will be happy I am sure.

I’d buy a mug for each child, especially to use to your house to give them a sense of being welcome and permanent. Maybe fill the mug with sweet treats when you wrap them. Do you have a toy box for visiting children, also colouring pens and paper with a couple of board games? If not, this is a good time to visit a charity shop and buy scrabble , ludo or suchlike. These items will act as an icebreaker, time filler to get over initial awkwardness. No need to spend much, a sincerely warm welcome and showing an interest in them is what matters.

This is a personal pov. I have several little 'uns that I buy small presents for - birthday & Christmas - that I'm not sure they'd know me if I met them in the street. Why? Because I have a family tie to their parents/grandparents etc.

I might see more of them in the future, with blended families you just never know