Anybody know any rude songs? Warning crude humour

Oh Lord. I’ve just posted this on the Christmas card thread by mistake. 😮😮😮

It’s from the episode in The Crown where Princess Margaret makes up a limerick to entertain her American hosts.

There was a young lady from Dallas,
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus,
They found her vagina in North Carolina,
And her arsehole in Buckingham Palace.

It was a drinking contest so she was bound to win! 😂

I need a G&T to get over the shock! 😂

Nannee49

This one is utterly pointless but at the same time strangely amusing in it's pointlessness -

Do your balls hang low?
Can you swing them to & from?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you swing 'em over your shoulder like a continental soldier?
Do your balls hang low?

God knows what continental soldiers have to do with anything at all!

In the version I heard it was sung to the tune of the Sailors' Hornpipe. The first four lines were the same but the last two were:-

Do you get a funny feeling when you whack 'em on the ceiling?
Oh you'll never be a sailor if your balls hang low.

A regional variation I expect.

Kate1949

We'll have to agree to disagree Caleo. I'm not sure that children using strong language would be 'having fun'.

Anglo Saxon four letter words for body parts, sex, and excretion are inherently funny because they are irreverently lower class and rural. Ever since the Norman Conquest, continuing through Chaucer and Shakespeare to the present day it's creative to refuse to defer to one's social superiors.

When strong language is used because the speaker has a poor vocabulary then the use of strong language is not creative but repetitive.

'Inherently funny' to some people. Not to me. And no I'm not a prude. I just don't like it.

Kate1949
I think not liking it is up to the individual.
Though she was never on GN, my Mum didn’t like it either. She avoided or scrolled past anything like that when she was on FB.

No^Anglo Saxon four letter words for body parts, sex, and excretion are inherently funny because they are irreverently lower class and rural^

I don’t think that’s necessarily true.
The “upper classes” have long been renowned for not mincing their words but “funny”? I don’t think so. The euphemisms and doubles entendre on eg “Round The Horne” were always much funnier than anything directly crude.

RosieandherMaw

Round the Horne was so funny, even though I wasn’t old enough to get some of the double-entendres.

There was a 60th Anniversary UK Tour in September.
Sunday lunchtimes were always entertaining with the shows like that or The Navy Lark, Life with the Lyons, the Clitheroe Kid and others I can’t remember.

I’m truly shocked that so many grans have repeated the Rugby songs of my youth, I would never do that in polite company.

Here is a tame one with the Women’s Rugby in mind

If I were the marrying kind
Which thank the lord I’m not sir
The kind of girl that I would wed would be a big prop forward
She’d bind tight
I’d bind tight
We’ed both bind tight together
We’ed be alright in the middle of the night
Binding tight together

Other verses vulgar

Flippinheck

I got into terrible trouble for repeating this to a neighbour’s child when I was 5 or 6. I can’t recall who told it to me:

Cowboy Jimmy had a five foot willy
He showed it to the lady next door
She thought it was a snake
So she hit it with a rake
And now it’s only 2 foot 4.

Flippingheck! 😂

friendlygingercat

'Twas on the good ship Venus,
By Christ you should have seen us,
The figurehead
Was a whore in bed,
And the mast a rampant penis.

The Captain's wife was Mabel
She was ready, willing and able
To give the crew their daily screw
Across the the kitchen table.

The first mate's name was Carter
By gad he was a farter!
When the wind wouldn't blow
And the ship wouldn't go
They'd get Carter the farter to start her.

The second mate's name was Topper
By Christ he had a whopper!
Once around the deck
Twice around his neck
And up his arse for a stopper.

And so on.

😂 I remember that one!

I also remember being involved with RSNO Junior Chorus’s show ‘Streets Ahead’ where the children sang ,
‘ Mrs Maguire peed in the fire
The fire was too hot, she peed in the pot
The pot was too wide, she peed in the Clyde
And aw the wee fishes ran up her backside’
I was shocked!

I do also remember songs about Dinah, beginning
‘ Dinah, Dinah, show us a leg’

Love you lot. 😂😂

Schoolgirl humour:

The Jimmy Ruffin song goes,

What becomes of the broken hearted,
Who had love that’s now departed?

We used to sing,
‘What becomes of the broken hearted,
Paid a penny and only farted!’

Magenta8 love your version it's the whole gay, debonair swagger and silliness of the ditty that makes me chuckle