Funny things overheard

At school pick up a little girls was saying that she was having a fancy dress party. She was going as Elsa and her dad was going to be pissed off.

The mum quickly stepped in to say “he is going to be Christoff”

Not over heard but still funny. Young waitress in a coffee shop. I ordered a pot of tea with extra hot water. She brought my tea but with only one teapot. I asked where my extra hot water was and she said in the teapot I boiled the water twice.
I smile to myself when I tell this story - I just wasn’t clear enough with my request 😂

Narnia

In a shop listening to 2 assistants as they stocked shelves, discussing someone that needed to see a "vaginacologist" 😂😂

🤣🤣🤣

On a flight from Washington to London - the row of three behind me comprised Mum Dad and Young Child (10 ish) - They were discussing food choices they'd make whilst on vacation - I wasn't really listening until the child cried out "I don't wanna eat squirrel" I could only imagine what was on the rest of the menu!

I was waiting in the chemist for my prescription. A rather inebriated older gentleman came in to collect his prescription. The assistant said "what's the address?" He staggered about a bit, then said"I know this, no, don't tell me".......

I was walking through town and passed a group of American tourists with their guide who told them ‘in the next street we’ll pass the amazing Westminster Abbey’. I live in York.

These are cheering me up today. Love them…

Years ago I took a call at work from the leader of the Royal Marine's band. When my boss returned from a meeting I said, 'Leon Solent rang and wants you to ring him back.'
My boss creased up...

An elderly lady was talking to her friend about her husband who had recently died.

“Those LGBT nurses were very good- they were out at all hours”

Her daughter interrupted her and said “I’ve told you before Mum, not LGBT. They’re from GSTT- Guy’s and St Thomas Trust’b

Many years ago a friend had a party for her birthday which happened to be on New Year’s Eve at midnight nothing happened and friend said that as she was Jewish they celebrated New Year later in the year not on the 1st Jan.
As we left another friend said “I’m not doing that again, next year I’m only celebrating with genitals!” - she meant gentiles!!

my mum this year said she was going to see the paedophile so he can do her feet! I said you mean the podiatrist mum! paedophile is something completely different!

In tesco I heard a woman say she was looking for automatic duck. It's called aromatic duck!

Years ago I was a passenger in a car when the car in front of us stopped suddenly and we went into the back of it. The policeman asked the lady why she had stopped so suddenly and she said it was to turn right. He said "then why didn't you indicate, you know you have to indicate when you change direction?" She said "but I didn't change direction, I always go this way" !!
PS No one was seriously hurt thankfully

My aunt was talking to a friend recently and told her that she had been shopping at a certain butchers shop since "before I was born" - still trying to work that one out!

A couple of things from long ago. My mother's cleaner told her how her friend suffered terrible from her leg ulsters. Also an elderly woman was boasting that her daughter had congealed lighting behind her pelmets. Very 60s😀

My first day at a new civil service job and keen to impress, the staff gathered at lunch time in the break room and the manager was doing the crossword.
"Regan, Cordelia and......" he said
"Gonorrhoea!" I proclaimed without hesitation. Everyone laughed , I blushed !

If you know football then you'll understand this one..
Wife to husband.. " what's a grapefruit pass ?"
Very patiently he explained ." It's a great through pass "

I'm embarrassed to admit the wife was me..iv never lived it down with the men in the family.

Luckygirl3

On a village bus. Two women sitting in front of me. "Have you seen the new doctor? Skinny as a rail. Needs a good meal. What must his wife be thinking of?"

I was the wife .........

Spent an appointment with my doc discussing HIS weight problem, so you are doing it right.

I do often find some funny mistakes when people are discussing their pills and getting the names wrong

I used to run a supermarket cafe and whilst out clearing tables one day I overheard two elderly ladies chatting. Of course, said one, he couldn’t find his shotgun so he had to use her tights! I scrubbed the table behind them for about ten minutes but never heard any explanation.

I was walking down a gentle hill and two cyclists were puffing a bit as they cycled up (all in lycra etc, maybe early 60s) one said 'Have you tried that wine I mentioned?' the other replied 'Oh you have mentioned it before, we tried it but we prefer our usual Malbec' - made me laugh and just shows what a middle class area I live in when the cyclists chat about wine!

A couple in the doctor's waiting room: man 'I hear that William will be taking over from Charles as king soon. The late queen was 23 when she came to the throne'. Wife 'well, Charles must be over 80 by now'. I could have told them that Charles is currently 76 years old and won't be 77 until 14th November. And the late queen was 26 when she came to the throne.

Years ago a friend was just getting up to get off a bus in Cambridge when he heard a man sitting behind him say to the person he'd been talking to
"and ninethly"

Just tickled us so much

Not overheard by me but read in a magazine. Man overheard in a store changing room saying, “ You know Grace I’ve never been entirely satisfied with your nipples”. Poor lady! And whatever could have been wrong with them?

A work colleague opening a bank account for a student told us ‘I don’t know why they want to learn about dead people’ They wanted to be an Optometrist. The colleague didn’t understand why we were laughing at her.

grandmac

Not overheard by me but read in a magazine. Man overheard in a store changing room saying, “ You know Grace I’ve never been entirely satisfied with your nipples”. Poor lady! And whatever could have been wrong with them?

More to the point, whatever were they doing in the changing room 😳