Toxic Friend or am I over sensitive?

I agree with all this- you don't need people like this in your life. I know they exist- going on holiday once with a good friend nearly ended my friendship and I determined never to do it again, and I haven't!

She’s no friend………she’s simply a self obsessed, mean, over critical, verbally abusive sad female……. I won’t even refer to her as a lady. I certainly wouldn’t be going on holiday with her again…….EVER!

Why did you think it a good idea to holiday with someone you had not seen for 30 years for goodness sake?

The time to "say something" was during the holiday with her.

Why did she do all the talking; didn't you respond to her put downs, or start a new conversation about your own life and interests?

Why are you asking strangers if you should share a holiday again? You must know the answer to that.

Send her a post card " Dear susan; after our first trip I've decided not to holiday with you again".

I cannot understand people who track down folk on Facebook, or look up old friends they haven't seen in 30 years. If you haven't seen a person in that time something wasn't working. It's a cautionary tale re holidaying with friends. I'd be saying sorry, Ive got other plans and would suddenly lose her address and phone number. Grief like this you don't need.

You need get a ' friend ' like her ! Get out of the proposed holiday ASAP. If its any comfort for you remember she is probably jealous of your lifestyle. To answer your question- yes she is toxic. How dare she put put you down in this way and critise every aspect of your life!?
Do conjure up an excuse about the holiday, she will probably see straight through it but at least she will get the message. On a second holiday she will repeat her performance, she won't change, please don't waste your money or energy on going away with her again . Be brave and get out if this proposed holiday in Europe by any means you can. Good luck , you have had sound advice on here. I wish you well.

Her life can't be quite as fab as she's claiming or she wouldn't have time to waste telling you how pathetic yours is! You have better things to do than tolerate her tactless rambling.

Don't need a friend !

Negativity beyond toxic ..
Run, do not walk.

Travel by yourself; consider speaking to a local travel agent regarding "circuit trips" - they could be local coach trips covering a specific region you have never been and / or flight + coach or rail and can be local or international.

I can only say ditto to all the above!

She is the same person you knew 30 years ago. I know the type. Hasn't changed. Self absorbed and insecure.

Any of us here on GN find granny- bores..boring! Please don't put yourelf through this again.
In terms of what to do, just be clear that you can't do next year for whatever reason. I imagine things will cool off for another 30 years by which time it might not matter! You sound a great friend and she doesn't deserve you xc

She sounds like a right b****. Personally I wouldn't cross the road to have coffee with her. Yes it may not be that easy if your life revolves round your grandchildren to find common ground with someone with no children, but it's not that difficult.

Forgive my bluntness but she wants to go on holiday with you because other people shun her. Ring her up and tell her that you found her lack of positive interest in your life quite depressing, and have decided against the Europe trip. You'll be doing her a favour.

By the way, she wasn't too good at picking men wisely either. But then plenty of us aren't!

But you didn’t really know much about her did you if you haven’t seen her for 3O years, I personally wouldn’t have gone but you did. You are worth so much more than this. What an arrogant person. Mark it down to experience and avoid in future

Run for the hills my darling. She is NO friend of yours.

Wow , smacks of envy
I think she's jealous of you and the life you've led so she uses the one thing you haven't got , grandchildren .
I think you'd be better off making an excuse for next year's holiday . You may have been great pals 30 years ago but life changes people and we grow in different directions . Why do women with partners and families think that single , childless women have lives that are lacking . My husband and I have children but no grandchildren and that's all we hear about when we are out with friends
We have full and busy lives and we don't feel sad because we don't have them
I want my adult children to be happy and live the lives they want . If grandchildren arrive , it will be lovely but if they don't I'm not going to feel I've missed out .
Keep the friendship on your terms but don't invest too much in it .
Jealous friends are such hard work

Don’t go - book yourself a holiday that you will look forward to instead. Then relax. You don’t need to keep in touch with people who you don’t like.
I hope the provisional booking didn’t involve a deposit.

Many thanks for your comment Caleo. My friend definitely qualifies as a scratchy person.

Crazyh, Many thanks for your feedback. The Birthday lady is lucky to have someone as kind and sensitive as you as a neighbour.

Windmill, I love your brilliant phrase 'fattening up her ego at the expense of your self esteem'. ! Hope you dont mind if I use it, the next time I encounter toxic behaviour from anyone. I will call out their behaviour by smiling benignly and say 'there you go again, trying to fatten up your ego at my expense'

You are you and you are just as valid as your friend or indeed anyone else. I would take a wide berth of her and start making lists of all the good things you do, places you visit, nice people you mix with, great books you read and own them. They are what make you you. You really don't need people like your friend in your life. You should come away feeling that you have had a nice time. Perhaps let her go gently and focus on what makes you you.

I have a friend who makes hurtful or sarky comments from time to time and I am sure she has no idea. I put it down to a cultural difference. I do limit the time I spend with her because of it. Someone said it was a one upmanship thing but I just can’t be bothered analysing it. I don’t think she has many close friends !

What a horrible woman. I think you should stick to friends who make you happy and feel good about yourself. I should give her a wide berth in future - and certainly don't holiday with her again!

Say a permanent goodbye this horrible person.
She is not deserving of your friendship.
When people behave like this -they are actually jealous of you.
Don't apologise if you cancel an arrangement.
If pushed tell her what you think of her.
Tell her no thank you I prefer to go on holiday with a real friend and you aren't!
I bet that she doesn't have any real friends.

You've suspected that she's toxic and she is .

I went through years of a toxic friendship.
I wouldn't today.
I helped a lady run her evening classes in exchange for free lessons.
I did more and more for her.
I house sat.
I cleaned her house.
I completely blitzed her overgrown garden.
I did parties for her.
After about for years of being told how wonderful I was - suddenly our relationship became thoroughly toxic.
I'd gone over to her house to feed her cats and found her sleazy,unfaithful boyfriend there.
He made passes at me.
I fled.
I think that he told her that I made passes at him in case I said something.
She became utterly vile to me.
She humiliated me in class.
She gossiped about me.
She was mean and spiteful.
She criticised me.
She liked to remind me that I was overweight.
She had no sympathy only anger if I wasn't well.
I loved the classes so much and had so many friends there that I tolerated it.
I wondered how far she'd go.
I'd heard of her physically kicking a man in her class.
I found out from a friend that she'd done it to another lady and that turning against people was a regular thing with her.

Geez Esmay what a sicko! You are very good to have been friends with her for such a long time!

This so-called ''friend'' is extremely toxic, gobby and obnoxious.

How DARE she try to tell you how to run YOUR life and YOUR body?

I'm 60, never married/no kids by choice, I chose never to have kids when I was 6. I don't like kids, and men are not my most favourite thing in the world, either. I've lost count of the number of people over the years trying to tell me what I should and shouldn't do with my life and body. I give them all the one-finger sign and avoid them as much as possible.

I also tell them I don't want to know about all their kids/grandkids and in-laws, etc., not interested.

Cancel the Europe trip, someone so full of herself isn't worth it and tell her to her face to mind her own business!

She sounds like various women I have known over the years. If I worked with them, I couldn't avoid them but I certainly wouldn't socialise with them in my spare time. Life is too short to spend it with obnoxious people, save your precious time for those who appreciate your company.