Toxic Friend or am I over sensitive?

Dump this so called friend! She sounds an absolute b****.

It's 'you time' now, for all of us, at our age and stage.
Do what YOU want about this proposed holiday.
Sounds to me like a waste of your money and your precious time.

Good friends make you feel valued. Ask yourself - does this apply to this person?

Of you hadn’t seen her for 30 years there was probably a reason for that……………
Also when your lives are so different and you have so little in common why continue

I don't think she's a very good friend and you deserve better.

Maybe give her another 30 years before meeting up again.

That's not a real friend. A real friend makes you feel good and enriches your life - they don't put you down or pull you down. As others have said, I would definitely not go on holiday with her again. You'd be better off going on a singles holiday, where you might meet some like-minded NICE people whose company you can enjoy. Sorry you had a miserable time with her but learn from the experience and don't repeat it, would be my advice!

personally I think you are sensitive BUT I would not go away on holiday with her as your lives are completely different and you have little in common. I have friends who are parents , grandparents and love exotic holidays. I just accept we are different and enjoy chats or little visits but certainly no holidays.

She sounds unhappy and insecure. Don't waste any more of your precious time in her company.

Life's too short to spend it with people you aren't sure about. Better to go on a singles holiday I'd have thought and meet new friends

Truly toxic and fundamentally jealous. Avoid at all costs.

Looking at this logically, you have two choices:
1. She's a friend, tell her that her one-upmanship is very tiresome, and you will not go on holiday with her if she carries on like this.
(there's no loss on your side because you will drop her anyway.
2. Make another excuse and not go and not see her again.

Drop her.

As everyone without exception has said, don’t even think of holidaying with this person again. I won’t call her a friend as she isn’t treating you as one. You will dread it for many months and you deserve so much better. Be honest with her - easier said than done I know - but the worst/best that can happen is that you won’t see her again. Considering you didn’t see her for 30 years I’m sure this won’t be a hardship! You’ll feel so much better afterwards and it will prevent the suggestion of further holidays in subsequent years. Better to cut ties now!

Cannot understand why you decided to go on one holiday with this person let alone book another one when you hadn't see her for 30 years. Why on earth would you do that? You obviously didn't enjoy this holiday so why waste money on another in the company of someone you found insensitive and annoying.

Why would you see this person again? Give yourself some love and respect and treasure your self-esteem. Tell her 'no' in the way that's most comfortable for you. Strikes me you owe her nothing. Good luck, and I hope your life is rich and fulfilled (for all you know her kids and grandkids hate her!!)

What's that old saying: "wìth friends like these...?" I would get in touch with this lady and tell her that, sadly, you won't be able to go on holiday next year after all but hope that she will have a lovely time anyway. Then, after this, I would keep any further contact to the occasional phone call or WhatsApp and Christmas cards. People and friendships change over the years as family circumstances, careers and interests diversify and some friendships adapt and stay the course while others dwindle and fall by the wayside, making way for new friendships.

Oh I do understand and only a few days ago after many years of 'friendship' I have decided to move away. When younger we had many themed suppers together, played cards/scrabble whatever. But over time my friend became embroiled in her 'ill health' and I have to listen to all that is wrong with her health. Plus the death of her parents was worse than mine! Her husband does everything for her, her last op I had from beginning to end... and my husband is sat in on this who needs 24/7 care from me and she ignores that. Last week I met her at a social do and when we said hello she started telling me all her health problems, no consideration for anyone else. I actually said 'oh I need to go and speak to the guy over there', I can't take this any longer. We used to do a morning puzzle but I have stopped that. Not once has she asked how Steve is, presumes that I cope. So to save my sanity I have decided not to be in contact anymore. I understand she has problems but I have no time to deal with them and when I do get a few hours away from caring I need to meet positive people. Choose who you have in your life. Life is too short to be 'ground' down by others that love to moan etc.

Sorry ditch her...nasty digs you don't need. I would not entertain her or smooth her ego. There's a reason you have'nt seen her in 30 years! Life is too short...x

Good god avoid her like the plague. Nobody needs that constant, putdown,I'm better than you down negativity in their life.

Avoid her like the plague. Nobody needs that negativity in their life

With friends like her - who needs enemies?

You're better off without her and certainly don't go away with her again.

I have lots of friends whom I wouldn't want to go on holiday with. I'd have lunch, go for a coffee, visit a museum or even invite for a weekend but spending time on holiday is a big investment and tbh very few of my friends fall into that category but I would still want to be friends with them. I make a "joke" with some of my friends that I would spend a wet week end in a caravan and be confident that we'd really enjoy ourselves but it's a pretty select few!

Newbeginnings - No. DON'T holiday with this unkind "friend". She will continue to hurt you and drag down your self-esteem by enjoying making you make you feel inferior - which I am sure you are NOT. She clearly has a problem and gets some sort of satisfaction from trying to prove that she is somehow superior to you.

I have two single lady friends without children, whom I greatly respect. They are not well off. I love them both, and would never make them feel inferior because they weren't as fortunate financially, or with relationships as I was.

You deserve better than that.

No you are not overthinking it Newbeginnings. No you are not being over sensitive. Yes, your "friend" is demonstrating toxic behaviours.

In reality you may have been "friends" 30 years ago and she may or may not have shown the same behavioural traits then. But 30 years later, each with a life of ups and downs no doubt. She has had children, now grandchildren and you have had different but also valid experiences. She has also suffered relationship difficulties, her marriage broke down, she became single and currently feels she is in "a wonderful relationship", or so she says. You no doubt have also experienced life's ups and downs as do we all. You acknowledge that you have not picked men wisely before which shows you have the ability to self reflect, grow and have humility- unlike your "friend". Well done 👏. Not picking men wisely is not uncommon and you've learned some valuable lessons along the way.

Your friend's behaviour does not require you to put yourself down- whether that is her intention (to make herself feel better) or whether she is unaware, in which case she is unlikely to change. Instead it requires you to ask just one simple question- "Is this a mutually supportive friendship where we enjoy spending time together in each other's company". Why would you ever wish to have a "friend" who puts you down?

At 67 you've earned the right to value yourself, pat yourself for being resilient, withstanding life's challenges. Take pleasure in what you do have in your life and your daily life experiences. That may not include children and grandchildren but that should at the very least include good, supportive friends and robust self esteem.

Why on earth would you want to repeat a holiday experience that runs further risk of your "friend" behaving the same way? Life is too short. Plan a holiday with another friend or explore holiday options with other singles -that may lead to making new holiday companions.

Don't ghost your friend- just simply say you're currently exploring other options at the moment if and when she brings up the subject. If she doesn't not an issue.. Good luck.