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“Because the problem is the gravy”

(57 Posts)
millymouge Mon 15-Dec-25 10:50:20

This was said to me by my neighbour the other day when we were talking about how she was coping as it is coming up to the first year from losing her husband. She says she has got used to not putting out two plates and automatically making a second coffee. But the problem is her husband did like his gravy, and she says however hard she tries she always makes it for two just can’t seem to be able to make it for one. I’m luckily enough to still have my DH but when I thought about it there would be so many things I would have trouble making and doing just for me.

Aely Tue 16-Dec-25 21:44:44

It took me a long time to correctly adjust the amount I cooked to just enough for me when my children left home. Although there is five years between them, they both took off for Uni at the same time, so there was no gradual decrease.

Peaseblossom Tue 16-Dec-25 21:45:24

Freeze one!

RosieandherMaw Tue 16-Dec-25 21:52:22

That’s not going to bring him back.
It’s not about gravy or amounts but triggers

Guesswhat Tue 16-Dec-25 22:04:29

I still shout out loud the answers to questions on The Chase, University Challenge etc. To an empty room.

I still expect my late husband to look astonished/proud/dismissive/ . . . whatever . . . as I show off my knowledge or ignorance in an overly excitable manner.

He died eleven years ago.

Smintie Tue 16-Dec-25 22:15:15

For me, the thing that broke me was sweetcorn.

I don’t like it, but my husband (who died two years ago) loved it.

I was cleaning out the freezer and found last year’s crop, lovingly grown by me, for him.

It sounds so silly but it just broke me, realising that I’d never grow it for him again and he’d never be here to eat it again.

It is the smallest, strangest things that make the grief manifest and bring you to your knees.

Much love to your neighbour @millymouge

cc Thu 18-Dec-25 06:59:26

Such a sad thread. I'm not widowed but found even the three weeks that my husband was in hospital very lonely especially when I was imagining the worst. I know it will happen one day. I sometimes wake in the early hours thinking about it with dread which is ridiculous I know.
My thoughts go out to those of you who are on your own, particularly those for whom this is the first Christmas without your husband.