Funeral

Can I ask how do those who have done so feel about scattering ashes. Does that feel like a final goodbye if the cremation has been a quick one?

IMO Funerals are not for the dead they are for the living. When younger I thought I could tell my family how to grieve my death but as I get nearer to my end I have completely changed my mind. I've been to a few funerals over the years and my experience has been totally different to what others have found. Several have been for friends who have died far too young because of illness or accidents and others have been for elderly people and not unexpected but the love, respect and kindness shown for the deceased and their family has been uplifting and an important part of grieving. I hope when I die that my funeral will help my family and friends because I know they will be very sad to lose me despite my many imperfections. My only contribution apart from my body is a small list of music that is personal and I keep changing my mind about!

a small list of music that is personal and I keep changing my mind about! - oh me too!!

With regard to so-called ashes. For me they have absolutely nothing to do with the person who has died. Even if you get the correct ones (and how on earth would anyone know), it is more ashes of the coffin.
With my parents, I arranged with the Crem to do as they wished with them - had nothing to do with me. For my son, I was in such a stage of shock I found myself collecting that plastic urn of them. Never knew what to do with them, kept them in that for several years in shed and when i moved out of that house, noticed the plastic had cracked so very little left in it.
Have told Co-op funeral plan, to do as they wish after my crem, not to disturb my family about them.
To me, the death of a person is their end, BUT, hopefully there are many memories of their life to be talked about, discussed and whilst there are people around who have those memories, that is their little bit of eternity.

Franbern I have said half jokingly that I wouldn't mind my ashes being used to plant a pink old fashioned rose with a wonderful perfume. A very good friend died a couple of years ago, her family requested "no flowers" so I made a donation to the charity they requested but also planted a rose with her name that reminds me of her, it's doing well.

One thing I would like my funeral to be used for is to thank those who have enhanced my life.

One thing I've wondered about is, if you pay in advance for a direct cremation or funeral service, what if, ten or fifteen years down the line, the company or funeral directors has folded?

I imagine there must be some sort of guarantee/scheme that no matter what, your money and plans are protected?

Gracey

One thing I've wondered about is, if you pay in advance for a direct cremation or funeral service, what if, ten or fifteen years down the line, the company or funeral directors has folded?

I imagine there must be some sort of guarantee/scheme that no matter what, your money and plans are protected?

Make sure the funeral firm is registered with the FCA.

In the event of going bust, the plans are transferred to a new provider.

If they’re not with them, I suspect you lose the money.

Thank you Calendargirl

That's worth knowing.
So many people pay in advance for their funeral/cremation.

I think the funeral can be one last gift.

I have been to many funerals. Yes, they are sad... but happy too - and full of love.

We scattered the ashes of my in-laws in our garden. So I guess they'll be living on in some respect.

My parents wrote their wishes in a notebook and told us where to find it. It was simple and did help to know we were doing what they wanted. My grandfather ( who was in his mid nineties) had made it clear he wanted bright colours at his funeral so everyone obliged to- all be it with tiny touches of the specified colour. He had joked he would come back and haunt us if we wore black and misery!
Mums address book stored with the notebook, had a list of people to notify, and who they were ( ie cousin, school friend) which was also very helpful. By the back door she had a list ( with contact details) of people to contact for instance for ambulance if something happened - ( son, daughter, GP, homehelp etc) which was also helpful- I would not otherwise have known how to contact some people when Mum was in hospital otherwise.

foxie48

Franbern I have said half jokingly that I wouldn't mind my ashes being used to plant a pink old fashioned rose with a wonderful perfume. A very good friend died a couple of years ago, her family requested "no flowers" so I made a donation to the charity they requested but also planted a rose with her name that reminds me of her, it's doing well.

foxie, I wanted a rosebush with my mums name to plant in her memory.

There was a beautiful scented white one with her name but she despised white flowers. Aptly she always said white flowers were for funerals and the dead