Fed up of doing it all

I understand that feeling. I am increasingly forgetful and cooking in general worries me these days. I shall be 80 this Christmas and was really hoping not to have to cook this year but now will be cooking for family for Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Family circumstances make it impossible this year for me to be able to avoid this, but I am really unhappy about it, and feel that after 60 years of cooking for three generations most Christmasses, I would have liked, on my birthday, to be invited out and to sit down to a meal I have not cooked myself. I know I shouldn't be so pathetic, I am lucky to have a family and to see them, but I am finding it hard. If family circumstances are not better by next year they will get soup, cheese sandwiches and shop bought mince pies as I can't face it again.

Can't you divide it up? Some bring the starters, others the dessert or vegetables? You don't have to do everything yourself

The thing is, IMO, if it were left to our men (many of them, anyway) they’d just get some beers and wine in, and order a takeaway.
As for presents, just don’t bother.
TBH in dh’s all-boy family, they never really bothered anyway. To dh, all Christmas ever really meant was huge meals cooked by poor old MiL*.
All the bits I loved - stockings, carols, giving presents, meant very little to him - but I think they do more so now.

One year, when we were living in Oman, we invited MiL and FiL to come to us for Christmas, when it was lovely weather compared with the U.K. in December.

MiL jumped at it. FiL fussed and grumped, saying he couldn’t possibly leave the house in December, what if the pipes froze (in London??) etc.

Mil (who’d been cooking 🎄dinner for up to 12 in a tiny kitchen for 40 years) said, ‘Well, you can do what you like - I’m going!’

Of course they both came in the end, and had a lovely time.

I had a kind of unfortunate incident one Christmas. I also look back and wondered what on earth I was thinking doing it all. We did agree as a family to cease giving presents apart for children, much less pressure and has saved the family a fortune. I basically downed tools with cooking. I'm 63, Ive done my bit and have made it clear I'm no longer doing any cooking. I just had enough. To be honest the 'health crisis' didn't help and in the past I felt I was never appreciated by certain people who attended Christmas dinner. Looking back I think women are mad putting themselves through this. Ì just couldn't stand the pressure any more, I also wonder if it's getting older as I get anxious now cooking an everyday meal and just cannot stand cooking now.

I have to admit that it is easier now my husband has gone. No more helping him with ideas for presents and ending up wrapping them for him. Also no more having to buy presents for the most impossible man to buy for. It is just me, the two children, my son in law, and the three grandsons. I have learnt to use short cuts that I picked up during my time in catering, and I make full use of my son for things like peeling and roasting potatoes. I love putting up decorations and laying the table, but I spread the preparations out so it doesn't get overwhelming.

Grandmabatty

Can't you divide it up? Some bring the starters, others the dessert or vegetables? You don't have to do everything yourself

Our daughters bring lovely delicious starters and afters.

Quite helpful.

Most of the Christmas preparation falls on me, but I enjoy doing it. I love buying presents, and wrapping them up (square or rectangular shapes if possible)

I enjoy decorating the table for our family buffet, but I don't do any cooking as we go to our daughter's.

This thread has just reminded me that I need to get the overseas cards off soon.

I couldn’t leave it to DH. We would get nothing! But he cooks the Christmas Day dinner. I do the shopping, wrapping etc. we get there in the end without as much as a spilt sprout!

Norah

Grandmabatty

Can't you divide it up? Some bring the starters, others the dessert or vegetables? You don't have to do everything yourself

Our daughters bring lovely delicious starters and afters.

Quite helpful.

I think the OP has probably sorted her family.
This thread is 8 years old

I know what you mean Christmas takes up a lot of headspace, or if like me lots of paper I make numerous lists.
I did Christmas lunch for forty years being an only one and my parents not having enough room it all fell to me.
Along came my youngest Ddil and she’s taken over beautifully for the last six years.
They also give me lists of what to buy, then it’s online shopping, so not too bad. But it certainly took a while to get here.
I saw something the other day that made me laugh it said i can’t wait to see my DH face tomorrow when he sees what he’s bought everyone 😄 certainly the case at our house.

ChrisQ I feel for you, you deserve a break ☹️

I've ended up catering for six on Christmas Eve, including two vegan, six on Christmas Day (different people) and eight on Boxing Day.

I've told them all I refuse to spend my day slaving over a hot oven so I'm doing a rolled duck joint (son's favourite) and pigs in blankets on Christmas Eve, plus the vegan equivalents, baby potatoes and prepared salads.
On Christmas Day it'll be a rolled turkey breast joint plus pigs in blankets, baby potatoes and salads.
A large chocolate bauble pudding that suits everyone for both days.
Cheese and biscuits for supper.
All courtesy of Tesco delivery 👍🏼

My daughter-in-law has offered to make a fresh fruit salad 😇
I'll tell them all to bring some drinks with them.

On Boxing Day we're taking everyone to the local carvery for the full roast dinner.
It's a third of the price for the same thing on Christmas Day!

I want to have time to enjoy everyone's company, especially the grandchildren who we don't see that often as they live away.

One year when my own three children were small I realised afterwards that I hadn't seen them open one present, as I'd been in the kitchen half the day.
I vowed never again!

Deedaa

I have to admit that it is easier now my husband has gone. No more helping him with ideas for presents and ending up wrapping them for him. Also no more having to buy presents for the most impossible man to buy for. It is just me, the two children, my son in law, and the three grandsons. I have learnt to use short cuts that I picked up during my time in catering, and I make full use of my son for things like peeling and roasting potatoes. I love putting up decorations and laying the table, but I spread the preparations out so it doesn't get overwhelming.

Easier without your husband?? I was a little surprised at this comment because I would give anything for my husband still to be here. The light went out of my life when he died and I certainly didn’t find it a chore to do things to help him, or to think about what to buy him.
Your comment shocked me and I think many other widows will be rather upset by it, as was I. You are so lucky that you still have him, but you don't appreciate him. How sad.

Sorry - but enjoy all the hard work .

Exhausting as it was I look back with some tears -
the hike round the shops ,the endless preparation of food (people all wanting different things to eat ).having to cut my son's hair in the middle of last minute present wrapping (his gifts not mine) and my father endlessly complaining ...wanting his Christmas dinner at 12.00 when some people hadn't even arrived .
And then ,two years of being alone with my father and two years being alone as he's passed .

Although very relevant, this thread is over seven years old.

nanasam

I've had to limit him to 2 a day, lemon otherwise we won't have any left! I couldn't bear looking at him with his spanked puppy face.

Lemon left this site some years ago.
This thread is 7 years old

I might be over 7 years old but it’s still relevant now!

Some of the Christmas stuff I like and some I hate. I’m completely tired out by new year but it’s a happy tired as they’ve all gone home and I’m left to my knitting.

Absolutely relevant !

You need to plan in advance with all those either in your house household or are coming for Christmas and delegate. Why should it all rest on your shoulders and the longer you allow it to do so nothing will EVER change!

The last two years things have changed after me ‘doing it all’ for 50 years.

Dh and I spend Christmas Day on our own. Lovely! Doing what we want, having a full Christmas dinner when we want and watching want we like on tv. I always say to Dd , come if you like but they like to spend Christmas Day in pjs , and lounging around.

Boxing Day we all go to DS1’s. 16 of us and 3 dogs. Chaotic fun and lots of laughter.

So no stress or work for me. 🤶

I was reading my way through this thread and hadn’t noticed it’s 7 years old. I was delighted to see MissAdventure and hoped she had rejoined us.

If you’re reading somedays MissA I hope your health has improved and you might be able to come back soon. You are missed by many on Gransnet 💐

Last Christmas Day my husband was in hospital following a major stroke. We took some nibbles and spent the day with him. We had our xmas lunch on Boxing Day. He finally came home mid February but changed forever sadly.

Our son should start chemo between xmas and New Year following major surgery for pancreatic cancer in October so we are hoping we can all enjoy the day together with daughter and her partner. My husband always did all the veg prepping (we have loads) but daughter and I will have to do it. Son always does dishwasher and pots and pans with a bit of help from daughter’s partner.

Heartfelt wishes to you all Primrose53, and I hope next year is kinder to your family xx

Hugs Primrose53

It seems as if you will enjoy your Christmas Primrose.
I hope that the year ahead brings better times for you and yours