I think I’ll be alone this Christmas and can’t help feeling sad

Just read your text. Count yourself extremely lucky my Ds and family live in the Far East I havnt seen them for over 18 months. I found out last Saturday my DD and son in law are relocating to work in Dubai. Felt very sad bout this but nothing I can do it’s their life even though hard for me to conevtobtefns with. You have your family around you how well blessed you are.

Sorry typed wrong should have read hard to come to terms with.

Amicoolyet I hope you feel better for just telling someone (on GN) how you are feeling. You will be fine and you will enjoy your new GC and Christmas will come and go and the change will be bearable despite some nostalgia for the past

I guess I'm really lucky, I have always spent Christmas day with ds and dil, along with dils parents. So when dgs came along there was no change. In the past we took it in turns to host, with everyone helping out but I think the next few years will be at ds house so that dgs can enjoy his presents

Embrace the change.

I spend most Christmas days alone & to be honest I quite like it.Nothing beats the excitement of young children waking early to see if Santa Claus has been kind to them & watching them opening their stockings or sacks ,but once the children/grandchildren are grown to me it is just another day & not worth travelling & arguing about.

I don't seem to have noticed posts from fellow grans for whom church takes up a large portion of Christmas. I still enjoy being in the choir after 36 years in the same one.

The 'Crisis at Christmas forays were at times when I was invited to help. I am usually so tired after (first) Midnight mass, preceded by a warm-up then start singing carols at 11.30, then mass followed by drinks with the clergy till about 2 a.m.
Christmas morning, singing again at the 11 a.m. mass. AlI I want is to go to sleep after lunch, for a long time.
This was the norm when my husband and son were alive too.

Can i just say,although its 6 months away, any body and everybody is welcome here. DM if you need to.

This might have been said before but why not have a Christmas day with all the trimmings on another day with your son,dil and grandchild? It is great and feels like the real thing. We do it most years as both sons have wives who have big families . One year it happened on 2nd December! I know it's not quite the same but it's à lovely family day.
Hopè you enjoy the day whatever you decide to do.

That's a good idea Millie everyone can relax and enjoy an extra special day.
You can still have a good day Amicoolyet with your sister and knowing your family are having their special day. As you are in good time could you offer to help with a Christmas lunch/day with other less fortunate people that's what it's all about.

Perhaps we could stop trying to turn the OP into a caring/sharing do-gooder. People either have the inclinatuon for that, or they haven't.

Doubt if she's still reading this anyway.

All round to Elvive's for one big party then.

Just offering alternatives gonegirl nothing wrong with "do gooding" as you so charmingly phrase it.

I am normally sympathy itself when it comes to parents or grandparents being on their own at Christmas, but have realised that one has to “get a grip” if one is not to appear needy. Being invited out of duty is a poor replacement for being wanted!
And I fail to understand why OP is obsessing about this with 6 months to go. Unless her son wants to give her time to get used to the idea - and form a Plan B?
I might be able to understand better if she came back and explained why the pattern of the last few years has been as it is- that just sounds weird to me. Couples belong together - Mum would not have been necessarily left out if she had included the S and DIL in her plans .
Of course if OP is disabled, extremely aged or incapacitated in any way, it might be different, so OP why don’t you give us the background to help us understand? As an afterthought OP asks if she is being a little bit selfish
just a bit, methinks.

Elvive - get the sprouts on !

I feel that the poor son maybe really worried about the reaction he’s likely to get, why else would he be making plans in June?

I think I've got some sprouts from last year ( frozen)

OP Do you suffer badly from anxiety? You seem to be worrying needlessly what is going to happen in 6 months time.
As another poster said enjoy the seasons.
I was alone one Christmas, daughter traveling, son in another part of the country, I Did not tell most people and when they found out they said it you could have come to us. Lovely as that was, I said nothing because that day was very relaxing on my own. Both AC contacted me by phone. I watched what I wanted on the television, ate what I liked without feeling stuffed, could drink and not have to drive. It was only the one Christmas this happened but I remembered it fondly.

Some of the comments are quite unkind. OP is just trying to explain how mixed up her emotions are. Although she’s been widowed several years her son has made sure that she’s not been alone at Christmas. Now things are changing and she will be alone for the first time. I am widowed but we had got used to spending Christmas alone as the AC had left home before DH died, she hasn’t had that experience.
I haven’t spent a Christmas alone since being widowed but have always made sure my AC know that I wouldn’t mind.

I really sympathize with you. I appreciate that it's 'just one day', as so many others have said, but when you've had your own family traditions for years, then suddenly it all changes, it can make you feel sad.

Even for those who are not religious, Christmas can still be a very important occasion for many of us, for when families get together. When family dynamics change, it can be hard to get used to new ways. I'm in a different situation to you, but this is going to be our first Christmas ever, since my own children were born, that my family aren't all going to be together, and, whilst I knew it would happen one day, it still upsets me. I guess it's just something that we have to get used to.

You have the birth of your grandchild to look forward to, so try to focus on that, and congratulations on being a grandmother-to-be!

BlueBelle I totally agree with you and I have been astonished (not specifically about this OP) that so many parents use emotional blackmail and self-pity to try to control their adult children, instead of realising their job is done and getting on with their own lives.

I get the impression from GN that we are, mostly, an active, vibrant lot, not sitting in corners sniffing into hankies and feeling sorry that our adult, independent children no longer dance attendance upon us.

Would we really want such puppet children? I certainly wouldn't.

Elvive please may I bring my cat?

I have no family alive any more and I manage fine- doing what I want when I want.

Charley, I'm not really a cat person but I think it will be fine.

I also think that some of the comments are unkind and from un-empathetic people who have no idea, being widowed takes normality away and of course time is of the essence ie how long since widowhood. I have had gatharings for christmas, the week before because I remember how valuable that week was to a small family, that one week in the year which could be taken over by dashing up the motorway, entertaining and so on, rather than a time for family bonding, after the rush to christmas is over

So the gap between christmas and new year is not nice for a widowed or single person. We have to find ways to get through that time, one year I bought treats and dvds in but still had that deep inner yearning for times gone by. They were not enough to fill that lonely gap. One year I bought a big project, a spinning wheel to prep and build, it took the whole holiday and as well as treats and films, it worked. Last year I had christmas day with family and then back home to the solo life, knowing that there are countless numbers of us.

This year, maybe a holiday, after my gathering of course but the op was only saying what was in her mind, why the judgemental mean posts?

Speaking as one widowed 18 months ago I hope my comments do not come across as unkind or demonstrate any lack of understanding or empathy, but merely common sense and pragmatism.
I would never have dreamt of expecting my daughters to be apart from their husbands over Christmas. There was a point, before the relationships had developed into what was clearly destined to be a life partnership when that might have been acceptable, but certainly not once married.
Why on earth could they not both spend alternate Christmases with OP and the in-laws? Could both families not come together? And what about OP’s sister - has she been alone all these years?
As we move up the generation “ladder” we have to accept we are no longer the centre of the family hub and once there is a baby it is hardly surprising for the young family to want to spend their child’s first Christmas as a family.
Chin up!
It’s not a big deal unless OP chooses to make it one.