I think I’ll be alone this Christmas and can’t help feeling sad

Christmas Day is one of 365/366 days in the year - unless the religious service is vital does it really matter on which day Christmas is celebrated?

I agree, I do not have any family so for years I have spent Christmas alone, even considering painting my bedroom one year. It is another day in the year.

Can you and your sister go on holiday over Christmas? OH & I are going to South Goa for Christmas and New Year as we could see things could get complicated with family

Oh Liz, then she will miss out on seeing her new grandchild for the whole of xmas not just for xmas day. I think her xmas is going to be just perfect - a quick visit on xmas day - which could be to her and her sister (their aunty) if the two spent it together. then the whole of boxing day with the new little family. It just feels a little bit strange for now, that's all. I am sure it will turn out really lovely and by next year it will be the new normal.

So what effect would it have had on your marriage if your mother-in-law had insisted on seeing your husband on his own every Christmas day for the whole of the day? "little selfish" doesn't come close. You live near them, you'll be seeing your son on the day, you'll be seeing all of them during the season (or at least that is the plan - I can't see it happening if you carry on with this attitude.) Is there a reason you don't spend time with your sister? Does she have arrangements in place or has she been all alone while you've been spending time with your son? I would be really interested to know your personal definition of the word "fair" - it obviously has nothing to do with accepted usage.

I think your son sounds wonderful, I don’t think you realise how lucky you are. Popping around on Christmas Day, when they’re going to be with you on Boxing Day, sounds a bit unnecessary to me, if I was his wife, I think I may be a bit irritated by that!

Damn and blast Christmas. Here we are, not even got to Wimbledon yet and b****y Xmas is causing problems. Why on earth do we go through this every single year?? I'm not even going to comment on the OP. Suffice it to say that there will be very many elderly people who are lonely at Xmas, whose families live probably many miles away.

Liz46, bang on the money! I to do my best to get as far away from Christmas as possible. The grandparents from the other side seem to enjoy all that kind of stuff so only too pleased to let them get on with it.

Nightswimmer

Love your attitude!!

I'm sure you'll get used to the situation between now and Christmas Ami. I can understand you being emotional about the change but they are going to their own little family with a new baby this year.I think your son and daughter-in-law have been so very kind in giving themselves to their own parents each year. They've spent each christmas day apart. Your son still shows kindness by saying that he will visit you on the day for a while and they will visit maybe on boxing day. Can you think back to how you spent Christmas when you married and had children? Did you prefer to stay at home? We did. Be happy for them. Life changes and there are things we have to accept. There are people that have no one, you really are lucky if you think about it. You feel lost without your husband and think you're losing your son too but you're not, in fact you're gaining a lovely little grandchild. We have to accept change as our parents did with us. That's how life goes. If I were you, I would be making plans with your sister nearer the time, and maybe friends who spend Christmas alone and before you know it the day will have flown by. I'll say again that you have the most caring and thoughtful son and daughter- in-law, you really do. Be happy for them

One of the worst things is all the publicity implying it is a terrible thing to be alone at Christmas. It really, really isn’t.

I’ve often talked to people at work around Christmas, and a lot of people actually really love spending Christmas on their own, and get sick of all the sympathy

It does seem odd that a couple would feel compelled to be apart at Christmas just to placate their own parents. Your son is obviously aware of the issue as you have been given 6 months notice of the change of plan. Lots of options have been mentioned but having got it off of your chest I would forget about it and enjoy the rest of the summer.

I hadn’t thought of that Daisymae

Why on earth is the son thinking about Christmas in June, when he’s got so much else going on?

Both my DS and DD have done this when they had a family of their own. Both decided it was rather dull and made different arrangements subsequently.
Spend Christmas Day with your sister and don't sweat it.

You lucky lady - having friends and family nearby. Count your lucky stars and be thankful for what you have. Many of us have GC 1000's of miles away and very seldom see ours.

I agree -middle of June and your wishing your life away ...... or should I say worrying your life away! I think you have too much time on your hands to be concerned with something so trivial and - I hate to say it - you are more than a little self centred to take the trouble to write a post like this when so many readers so many more reasons to be sad.

Look for the joy in life ..... a first grandchild on the way ..... a considerate and caring son ....... and an understanding daughter in law. You have so much to be thankful for when you take in the whole picture of your relationship with your son up until now - so try not to be so self centred, it really isn’t a beguiling quality in the elderly.

so try not to be so self centred, it really isn’t a beguiling quality in the elderly.

How old are you Destin?

I do feel for you but at you will see the baby My daughter lives in Australia I’ve never spent Christmas with my grandchildren and probably never will it’s too expensive to go over around Christmas or for them to come over They spend every Christmas with SIL family very hard for me - I hope in future Christmas you can spend time with your family

Both my sons got married last year and every Christmas day til then I had my boys here at home with me. The, now daughter in laws spent Christmas day with their parents. This year was different and to be honest I was a little put out, but one daughter in law wanted to be with her parents and my son felt awkward as it was their first Christmas day together. My other sons new wife's parents wanted their daughter with them as it was the first Christmas she was married and of course that son felt awkward. . So....... it was agreed that we would have a family Christmas Day on Boxing Day. Christmas day for me was with my partner and we actually had a lovely day. Both sons sent texts and phone calls Boxing Day arrived and we all had our presents, dinner, games and both sons and their wives stayed overnight which was lovely. I think sometimes you have to appreciate that they do have their own lives and we cant always have things our own way, its just finding a compromise and trying not to feel too bad about it.

I don’t understand these parents that expect their grown children to still be ‘theirs’ Surely the very essence of parenting is giving them the tools and the confidence they need to fly from the nest and be their own people making their own decisions

I can’t imagine anything more depressing than having all your family around for Christmas, when you know they’d prefer to be elsewhere

I seem to remember a post last year from someone who was going to be on her own for Christmas for once, was positively looking forward to a nice peaceful day, eating and drinking whatever she wanted and watching whatever on TV - and was having trouble fending off invitations from friends and neighbours who were insisting that she couldn't possibly be alone on the day!

Witzend

I think there a lot of people out there of the same opinion, there’s a lady on the checkup at my local supermarket, not old, who said she was very much looking forward to Christmas on her own, there was I with hundreds of pounds worth of food, much of it would end up in the bin, seeing her point!

The problem is expectations! The longer that you have the same routine every year the harder it is to break it. I reassure my (adult) children that I am fine, I would hate it if they thought I was a needy mother who put them under pressure. And I make my own arrangements.