I think I’ll be alone this Christmas and can’t help feeling sad

Yes, it is a change, but not one to feel negative about. Just plan a new Christmas routine. In the meanwhile just think how fortunate you are to have such a thoughtful and caring son and DiL who have been prepared to give-up their opportunity to have Christmas together in order to spend time with their respective parents.

I can think of no better plan than the one they have come up with, Christmas day at home with their child, and hopefully later, children, with Christmas eve and Boxing day given to their respective parents.

can’t help feeling jealous and sad? How ridiculous, you should be out in the street singing for joy and telling everybody about your wonderful son and family and how well they have organised Christmas to include time with both families. Many who hear your story will be green with envy and sad that they do not have the Christmas plans you have.

I am glad you are starting to think this through and beginning to see the positives.

Honestly, I do think you have been very lucky to have your son there for so many Christmases - I would have found it very hard to know that my son was not spending Christmas with his wife all this time. TBH I would have said no to this. So definitely counting blessings is the way to go.

But now you have some lovely alternatives for your Christmas day with your sister - and a new baby to look forward to.

I know that sometimes things can suddenly get under your skin and it is hard to stand back and think logically. I am glad that you have been able to get these off your chest and move forward. I predict good times to come.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Christmas is always a time when we feel we should all be together, sadly it doesn.t always work that way. My DH and myself have spent most of our Christmases at home just the two of us, our kids are so far away that it isn't always feasible to get together. I would love to see them but we facetime and things so we do see them but it isn't the same. my sister spent Christmas with us before she died so here we are.
I am sure your Sister would love to share Christmas with you OR there are lots of places that you could volunteer, some day centres are open over the festive season and doing something like that you will be too busy to feel too unhappy, although it will be there in the background. There are a lot of people out there that would love to see you, and you will have something to tell y
our family when you are having cuddles with your DGC .
Anyway you have time to think about it, and I am sure you will be ok whatever happens. As my DH says 'it is only one day'

This is why I dislike Christmas OP. It is just one day and really should not cause all this stress 6 months in advance. If you are feeling like this now, make some firm plans to go away somewhere with your sister. Don’t get yourself worked up about just 1 day. This is crazy OP.

Sorry, I think you’re being unreasonable, and I suggest you don’t voice your thoughts to your son and daughter in law

Seriously, they sound a lovely young couple, trying to do the right thing

Embrace the change and tell your son to stay in his own house with his own family! I remember hating Christmas when the children were small and two sets of grandparents. Allow them to make their own traditions .....and how about a holiday for you over the season.

Well it sounds as if you've thought it all through. You sound a lovely sensitive lady...and you have an excellent alternative to your usual Christmas . Xx

Thank you everyone for your support , thoughts and suggestions. I do realise how very lucky I am, it’s just a big change for me and while I know it means my son was raised right, it still scares me. My sister has 3 adult children and they have all moved away, so she has for the last 10 years gone to the local pub for Christmas lunch and drinks with friends/people from the village. Which is lovely and I’m sure it’s something I could get used to. I just wanted somewhere safe and anonymous to express my fears and how I feel. Of course My fears and insecurities about change come from a selfish point of view but I would never risk the relationship I have with DS and DIL which is why I’d rather share on here. I do know how lucky I am and I do realise how ridiculous it seems to be thinking about this in June but it’s just been on my mind swirling around that this will be the first Christmas without my DH and my DS, having got used to Christmas without my husband I will now need to adjust to new changes and focus on the positives - a lovely little baby to spoil and a change in tradition for me!

When my son and DIL had their first child they chose to spend the first Christmas Day with her parents and Boxing Day with us. I was a little jealous (perhaps more than a little). 8 months later my DIL’s father died. He never got to spend another Christmas Day with his grandchild. It is something I think of a lot. Whenever I feel jealous I think about all the wonderful times we have had with our DGC and I am so glad he got that one Christmas Day. I think of it often. It’s just a day. Be thankful they want to see you at all. Many would give everything they have to spend some time with their DGC. Count your blessings.

embrace it and then Christmas day you can go and help at a homeless shelter thats serving lunch to those who have nothing?

You are obviously feeling very sad about the thought of spending Christmas Day as such without your son. However, you will get to see him on the Day and spend time with him and his family ( your grandchild) included on another day too. I think this means you are lucky really. Enjoy the day with your sister. She sounds to be totally alone if not for you. Your son is not spending the day with your DIL's family which is so often the case. Our first Christmas Day alone was pretty sad but was made far worse because our DIL's mother rung me up to say how much she was looking forward to Christmas as everybody was going to spend it at her house! The other daughter and family were also coming over from abroad too. A full house! She also said 'you will be alone as your other son is away travelling isn't he? Well, have a lovely Christmas, bye'. Thank God you haven't got to cope with that.

Amicool, why are you sad? Your son has spent all xmases with you. I am of the opposite opinion. When my children got married, I said I didn't mind where they spent Xmas, as long they spent it together. I have a thing about couples being apart for Xmas lunch. I'm on my own, so, I rotate between the 3 children.
Why do t you spend the day with your sister and see your son at some point. Nothing to get sad about. They are not ignoring you totally. Just enjoy the day, wherever you are spending Xmas. And it's 6 months away ?

Are you a Christian? In which case this is of enormous importance to you.

If not forget it.....and put your name down to volunteer somewhere.

I realise all families do their own thing, but as others have said its only one day. It sounds as though you have a lovely son and daughter in law, who have split themselves on Christmas Day to accommodate you.

Have you thought of just going out for a Christmas meal with your sister, and telling your son you will be out, and not to worry about popping round this year. He may be relieved just to be able to chill out with his wife and baby all day.

There is nothing to be sad or jealous about.
There is enough love to go round.

make arrangements with your sister - she's alone, what does she normally do?

Good heavens! Concentrate on looking forward to your new grandchild. Christmas Day? As others have pointed out, it is June! It's not even as if you'll be on your own at Christmas - you'll have your sister. (What would happen to her by the way if you were invited to your DS on Christmas Day - would she be on her own?) You need to think about how lucky you are having family close by,who can 'pop round' a lot of grandparents on this site would love that.

I think you are lucky that they are carefully considering how to meet their own needs as well as ensure that you are not entirely alone!
It is one day, and as they are coming to you at some point over the Xmas period just plan a nice time for when they come and then arrange a nice time with your sister on Xmas Day. Change happens ; its hard I know but that's the way it is.

I'm sorry that you are feeling like this in June. I do know how you feel though as my son used to spend every Christmas Day and some of Boxing Day with me until they had a child. Then recently I found out that my DIL parents have been going to their house every christmas day morning for brunch and I have never been invited, ever. My GS is 13 and GD is 10! I feel hurt. We live about 20 miles from them and I am sure we could have got there and back to do the christmas dinner ok. I usually drop the presents off before Christmas and have to text to see if they even like them. So make the most of what you have because you dont know how lucky you are. Arrange to have them either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day and spend a lovely day with your sister. Enjoy.

I haven’t spent Christmas with my son and his family for at least 10 yrs he moved abroad and I understand they love Christmas at home circumstance meant I couldn’t go to them. I don’t like it but it is what it is be thankful for what you’ve had and now you need to fit in with their plans.

I have been on my own on Christmas Day for years. It is only one day for crying out loud!! Buy exactly what you will enjoy to eat - I have Lobster - have a good walk and then relax. The next day things are back to normal for a lot of folk.

Please understand I have no intention of causing a rift and of course I have to let go of my DS at some point, and I realise how lucky I have been that he’s married and worked close by, I have just been aware of the changes and although I am terribly excited to be a grandma I just wanted to share anonymously and seek support and suggestions as I know I’m not going to be the only gran/grandad who’s experienced this! But it’s all new to me x

Book a Christmas Day Meal somewhere for you and your sister and just enjoy your day.
Of course, they want to spend Christmas Day as a family.
I'm sorry to have to say this but I think that it's a bit odd and self centered that you are jealous and sad and think it is unfair because your Son, quite rightly is going to spend Christmas Day with his wife and baby.
Are you not excited to be having a first Grandchild?
Seriously, are you for real?

It is a long way off and things may yet change. Still, I do understand how you feel. When my DS was little we spent Christmas Day with my parents (who were next door!) and got up very early on Boxing Day to drive to the other end of the country to spend the rest of the holiday with my in-laws.

When DS married and had a family I said that I'd be happy as long as I could see them some time over the holiday period. Consequently arrangements change each year and sometimes they spend most of Christmas with us or us with them. Since DS left and my parents and in-laws died we've had a couple of Christmases alone - the first ever. That seems very strange. However, we've visited neighbours instead.

I'd let them have this year and then see what happens. You could suggest varying things each year or maybe they'll come up with a good idea. Just enjoy the baby!

It sounds like the arrangements are exactly as they should be. Of course your son and his wife want to be together with their baby. I expect if they invited you then they would feel they must invite DILs parents as well and that would all get too much.

It will feel different for you, but this is exactly what family life is all about. We have our children for a few years and then they move on and establish their own traditions and routines. You are so lucky to have your family nearby so that you can see them often.