Christmas Day dinner

I am just staggered that you all think 74 is old. I have a horse, still ride, am unable to drive owing to poor sight, so bike 3 miles twice a day to see to her and granddaughters pony, in all weathers, my choice. Cooking Christmas dinner is a doddle, just can't see what all the fuss is about. Just say NO if you don't want to do it.

you're missing quite a lot Truddles, not least that nothing you have said answers the question asked, addresses the issues raised or gives any help or comfort to the OP

"If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

as said by Thumper in "Bambi"

I'm much younger than 74 and I've no intention of cooking dinner for anyone.
Why?
Because I don't want to.

Truddles

you sound as though you might be quite young?
you certainly do not understand that a woman of 74 who has done all the cooking for over half a century jsut doesn't want to anymore.
It is not loving to force her into it.
In fact you sound rather smug.

The crux of your problem is that you plan to spend Christmas together but neither one of you wants to do the cooking....fair enough!

After all these years, you have earned the right to retire from the holiday kitchen. Let your daughter know that you are 'passing on' the virtual baton, but that you still look forward to spending Christmas together. Let her know (in no uncertain terms) that this means you won't be cooking this year or any other year, going forward.

As others here have suggested, a traditional, homemade style holiday dinner can be ordered in advance from a local caterer or food store. In fairness, perhaps you can offer to share the cost. There.....problem solved. Happy Christmas!

Hi Greciangirl,

Invite your daughter out for lunch next week. When your in a busy cafe she won’t want to cause a scene,( hopefully).
Give your reasons for not wanting a Christmas lunch at yours, if she tries to cut in with her bulling just say stop I’m taking, you can have your say after me. If she still refuses to see your side of this, just say ok we aren’t going to agree so let’s just have Christmas in our own homes the way we both want our Christmas to be. We spend our Christmas’s in the way we want to and I have four grown up children who in turn have nine children giving us nine grandchildren and one great grandson I’m in my 70s and buy a lot of ready prepared Veg and meat thous making cooking a breeze.christmas meal will be done the same way.have a Merry Christmas and a happy new year

I know of one ma in law who served up a ham salad for Christmas dinner one year. After that, the grown up kids realised they had to step up to the mark. So maybe serve something basic, blame your age! She will then have to realise she is now the one who has to do it, if she wants it.good luck!

I’ve enjoyed reading all these posts! Lots of different viewpoints for Greciangirl to think about.

My tuppence worth ...

Firstly, how come some people even leave it until 10 days before Christmas to decide what they’re going to do?
?

That’s just added stress!

Secondly, I don’t know your family dynamics and maybe your daughter might if offended, be one of these ‘no contact’ types of people and you might be walking on eggshells around her. Many grandmothers on GN seem to have estranged families. Do you fear something similar if you don’t go along with her blackmail?

I don’t think 73y is old.

But, if you don’t fancy all the palaver, you shouldn’t have to!

Your daughter isn’t inviting you for Christmas dinner, now or prolly never. (Like the new word - from Gonegirl on another thread and it made me smile!)

Your best choice in my humble is (to keep the peace, preserve strong family ties and save all this angst from ever happening again!) would be - cook the bluddy dinner one last time‼️

Tell your daughter this is DEFINITELY the last one - so enjoy it everyone!
?

The, try to enjoy it all yourself. The planning, buying, chopping, peeling, stirring ... all the time sipping from a glass of something delicious in the kitchen whilst your partner sets the table and sorts out the drinks.

You can sing happily to yourself ‘this is the LAST time’ ??

Then when it’s all over, no last minute plans and worries next Christmas! Peace reigns.

Happy Christmas anyway - whatever YOU decide! x

Oooh... rather smug? Lots of presumptions there... perhaps I am just a person who appreciates how lucky I am to have my remaining family around me on Christmas Day, to celebrate our time and love with one another? I will be travelling 300 miles to see my darling family. My husband will be travelling 7,000 miles to spend time with me and my daughter and grandchildren. It’s important for us all to spend as much time as we can together, and we do so joyously and without grudge, no matter what.

100% with you.

Greciangirl, if you really can't bring yourself to put your foot down (as you should) maybe now is the time for your oven to stop working (just remove the fuse from the switch) so it'll have to be at your daughter's place!

I sympathise with you although I love cooking Christmas dinner for my brood and am not yet ready to hand over the apron. One daughter did offer last year, but she isn't actually a very good cook and never cooks enough. However, I do think it is a bit late in the year and a bit close to Christmas to put your foot down when your DD has obviously presumed they will be coming to you. BUT you can make it as easy as possible. Turkey crown ( no complicated cooking or carving) , frozen roast potatoes and only two veg, carrots and sprouts, frozen. Ready made stuffing balls, pigs in blankets and gravy. Christmas pud and single cream. Absolutely no extras and only just enough to go round. Then make it known, as nicely and lovingly as you can that that you hope they all enjoy the meal as it will be the last one you cook as you are now too old. Is there an apron you usually wear? Maybe you could formally and with a big smile, officially and literally hand it over. You love your family. Don't turn it into an unpleasant event. If it is to be the last one you cook, it should be a celebration of all the Christmas dinners you have cooked in the past. Enjoy it!

Let them come. Give them salad. I cannot imagine how I would feel if you were me. I am 79 and have not cooked a Christmas dinner for anyone since my husband passed in 2009 and if any of my children asked that of me they would get short shrift.

You can order some food from Tesco(I know they do this) or other supermarkets to arrive at THEIR address and let them get on with cooking it. It does not have to be a lot. The supermarket delivers to any address if you follow the leads to changing address for one delivery. Then enjoy yourself like I do. Watch what you like on TV. stay up all night if you want to. You don't even have to answer the phone. Let them call the next day.

People need to start being firm about Christmas - my MIL does not want to go to her oldest son's for Christmas (my husband's older brother) but has been talked into it. My family all prefer Christmas Day at least on their own, us included, if we are close enough (most of us are not) then we/they will visit Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Stand your ground - if you do not want to go, then don't! Simple as that.

Lots of good advice on here, I like Urmstongran’s suggestion, say you’ll do it one last time, and never again. Then buy the frozen this, that and the other as many have suggested, to cut down the work on the day. Maybe even set the table on Christmas Eve so you don’t have to think about that on Christmas Day.

My dear mother told me when my first child was three, that she wasn’t going to cook any more Christmas dinners now, as she was too old, and she’d got two married daughters and she (and my Dad) were going to spend one Christmas with us and the other with my sister. There were no ifs, buts, or maybes, that was what was happening. At this time she was 53 years old!!! And she lived 250 miles away from us, so if she spent Christmas with us, it meant a minimum of a weeks stay. Mum never was diplomatic!
Anyway we accepted what she said and they came to us until five years ago. My parents in law came the year they were at my sister’s.

However, now I reap the benefits of our example, we are now at one or other of our children’s houses on Christmas Day. But I did enjoy all those Christmases, complete with my rather bossy Mum. Sadly Dad is no more, but 92 year old Mum goes with us to whoever is hosting each year as she now lives only ten minutes away from us.

This is only my second post so I'm still relatively new to this and I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this topic. Please advise if it isn't.
After having a frank discussion with my work mate about the menopause and its symptoms recently, she later confided in me that since experiencing the menopause 2 years ago, she has lost all interest in the bedroom department. Whilst she has a supportive and patient partner, she feels desperately sorry for him as he is somewhat younger than her (she's in her fifties) and she feels that she really must turn matters around as it has been going on for so long with no sign of change. She did say that this is totally out of character as to how she was before entering this phase of her life so it isn't as if she had a low sex drive before. She has said that the only way she can bear to be touched is if she has a good old drink beforehand, but this clearly isn't ideal. I suggested speaking to her GP, but she is reluctant to do so as she doesn't think any of her GPs would or could offer any suitable advice other than to talk to her partner as they are all in their thirties. She also doesn't want to search the internet for answers, but she gave me permission to ask others for advice when I told her about GN. It's been useful to me as a new gran. Does anyone know if this is something that can be reversed in any way and if so, how can she or should she go about it?

nannyYvie, you're in the Christmas forum!

It would be better if you posted in the chat, or health forums.

I’m 64 and obviously some of you are a lot older and fitter than me. I now have a shot hip. 2 years ago I did Christmas for 14 family members - I thought I’d die. We were so overcrowded DD and BF slept in the conservatory (on camp beds). Last year I had 10. This year I’m only having 3 on the day and 6 family members, 3 days later (dinner in a freezer already). I couldn’t cater a huge number of family members again.

Oh crikey. I'm so sorry for posting in the wrong place. Have no idea how to correct it. Thank you for putting me straight MissAdventure ?

OP. We would all like to know what you have done. You can't put off making a decision much longer.
Have you given in to the bullying or have you stood up for yourself?
I do hope it's the latter.
Enjoy your Christmas.

I have a friend who is one of six children. They now all have family and they usually try to get as many as possible together for Christmas Day lunch - which is usually around 24 people! They take it in turns to go to one another’s house each year, and it is the full turkey dinner. Last year one brother said he was happy to take his turn, but he would be buying frozen Christmas meals from Iceland and cooking them in the oven/microwave. Everyone was happy with that, and that is what happened. I was told it all went very well. Greciangirl, could you consider getting frozen meals from Iceland or M&S, and adding extras like pigs in blankets, a special stuffing, microwave red cabbage etc? Hopefully you will find an acceptable compromise and all enjoy the day.

Just don't do it.

I have just had access cut off from my grandson because I didn't invite my dil for Christmas lunch for two years. I was I'll with rheumatoid arthritis and could hardly get out of a chair. They forced themselves on us last year and they sat down and did nothing to help not did they bring any food. Now the situation is going to.need family group counselling to resolve. Seriously she's worrying about first world problems and holding a grudge and using our grandson as blackmail if we don't jump to her demands. Now we are cut off we are devastated but we are going away for Christmas.

We shall collect cockles from the beach, chill white wine and dunk in home made bread. Maybe a swim after lunch. Maybe not .......

I think your daughter is being very selfish. She should be cooking for you, you have done more than your share, it is her turn now. If she wants a dinner with all the trimmings then she can do it herself. Stand your ground and do Christmas your way.