I intensely dislike christmas.

So pleased with my son and lovely daughter in law. Agreed absolutely no adult presents and no fancy dinner. Just a fun time for the very small people,

Christmas is the worst time of year for make I absolutely hate it cannot wait for January the second

I dread Christmas and that everyone is supposed to love it .
I feel more alone and tell myself it’s only a couple of days but it makes me feel more sad and isolated

Your not alone i dislike it as well, i dont see my 2 children their decision not mine so i dont have to worry about it really, my partner and i just cook ourselves a christmas dinner we dont bother with cards or presents and do we do not feel in any way like scrooge we just enjoy our day and do what ever we want, you should just say your not doingchristmas this year and let them get on with it, do what you want and enjoy.

I so agree, Christmas is my “dreaded” time, just get it over with, grit my teeth and then relax in January

spoilt brats is more appropriate, and you don't have to like Christmas, I am like you in having a hatred for it, stems from childhood for me, always ends in tears , its too commercialised and as I am not religious it is irrelevant. Much prefer Pagan celebration, winter solstice, I remember saying that I was a pagan to one religious person, didn't go down well. and at least a brilliant excuse not to see them is covid....

If that’s what you want to do it, life is too short to spend time thinking about what you rather do. Christmas is just one day of the year, maybe you could arrange a spa day for your daughter and yourself to have a day together after Christmas or if finances don’t stretch to that just a walk and lunch together?

Surely if you hate it all so much, your family must be able to detect it - unless you are a fantastic actor.
Why not just say to them all ‘I really don’t feel up to it all this year, so I think I’ll just stay on my own’?

I really feel for you grannyscrooge. Have you tried asking your daughter for help with the day itself. Let her know how much pain you are in and an extra pair of hands would be helpful not just for the cooking etc but also to keep the kids under some sort of control in your house. I have 4 grandchildren and yes at Christmas they are as high as kites and I do fall exhausted into a chair once they are gone but wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m sorry I can’t offer any practical help but just thought maybe a wee heart to heart with your daughter might help. ❤️

I really feel concerned for you that you feel this way about your family.....and your grandchildren in particular. You sound very miserable and depressed for whatever reason.

Perhaps you could make a concerted effort to join in the family enjoyment this year, keeping in mind that so many people have lost loved ones during 2020 especially, and would right now give anything to have 'another Christmas' with their loved one/s who is/are gone.

With that in mind you might find you can actually enjoy the Festive Season once again with the right mindset.

* I have 2 grandsons who are spoilt little gits who I don't particularly enjoy seeing. I miss my daughter, their mum, because she has no time to have a chat anymore, it's all about these little gits that ruin my house, open drawers and dig through my personal possessions like they own the house*

It’s not that she doesn’t have time for you
It’s because you have such a horrible and unrelentingly negative view of her children that she doesn’t WANT to talk to you.

I would have thought this year is the year to ring the changes . Just say your worried about getting covid before the vaccine is available so don’t feel able to meet up this year . You could send money for their meal or some kind of Christmas hamper from a website if you think they will struggle financially ? Once the routine is broken it will be easier to say just pop round for a couple of hours in future years.

Dear Grannyscrooge: you need to acknowledge the way you feel, actually it will help you. There is a difference between caring and being a doormat. Please tell your relatives that you are in pain and unable to host people this year. Maybe one day you can all pool together and find a cottage where everyone can help. I tried for years and realised it was really such a chore I started going to volunteer at a Christmas lunch for those in need. I can't do that now, but it broke the pattern. Parents these days have the child/ren at the centre of their universe and think everyone else needs to as well. You would be amazed at how many others feel the same as you.

This year is the perfect year to break as you can say you need to keep yourself safe and everyone else with Covid19 around. Once cycle is broken, it'll be easier to suggest something different next year.

I could have written this post. Totally understand. I think your family are being very disrespectful both to you, your home and your adult son who does not disguise that he cannot manage the day. I manage similar by setting ground rules. So Its COME and very WELCOME in the morning. We'll have a Secret Santa max spend £15. We'll have something nice to eat (used to be sit down pancakes but now its Prosecco and little nibbles). We will open the Secret Santa presents and everybody will stay in the same room and be involved. And then you will leave and go home to your own houses and have a riotous time and leave me be. IT WORKS.

If you don’t like doing it, explain to your family and don’t do it . Or don’t explain and don’t do it. It’s horrible being in pain and feeling fragile but no point in being a martyr about it, that just gives you emotional as well as physical suffering. Be assertive.

I'm not as far along the scale as you, grannyscrooge, but I must admit I'm not a Christmas lover. I enjoy the present giving and receiving for immediate family, and the special food etc, but I think Christmas starts far too early (like in October for some people) and a lot of it seems so false. A lot of fuss and ridiculous expense for just a couple of days, which most people have forgotten or ignore the original meaning of anyway. For so many it's just an excuse to get pissed, cause family rows and get into debt. I'm always rather glad when it's over and the decorations all come down. And this year it will be a time when many entirely ignore all the covid rules, with the inevitable spread and increase in cases and deaths afterwards.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You’ve got to escape by the sounds of things, book a holiday and disappear for Christmas/New Year.

We have felt the same since parents died so we are just 3 now and we do what WE want! One year it was a picnic in the rain on Filey beach followed by a curry!
This year it is a cottage in Northumberland overlooking the sea and steak for dinner ! Partner!s kids never ask what we are doing so we please ourselves with my single daughter who always puts in the effort !
We give presents and cards but no more big Turkey dinners!! Such a relief and we are not selfish just done our share for over 30 years !!

You’ve started opening up on here Grannyscrooge. I think this could be the beginning of improving your Christmas experience. It’s not too late to admit to your daughter that you’re struggling. Mums put so much pressure on themselves to make everything ‘perfect’ especially at Christmas. A few practical changes, like asking your daughter to bring some food, maybe a Christmas ‘picnic’ tea?
How do you think your daughter would feel if she knew the truth? Would she reject you, or still want to see you on your terms because you’re her Mum, who obviously loves her very much?
Time to ‘fess up I reckon. All best wishes to you and your family.

Poor you it is so hard to break all the expectations, I have managed to do this now but it was hard. I just ended up saying look I am too old now for all the fuss so please just let me do what I want.
I put those brass type hook and eye locks on my bedroom etc to keep `the little darlings` out of there.

I’m sorry you feel so low about it all, OP.
Can you not just tell them you’re terribly sorry, but your health and the pain you’re in, mean that you simply are not up to doing it all yet again this year? So they’ll have to make other arrangements?

It’s a bit late to say it, but not too late now, I would think. Plenty of time for them to organise Christmas at home, if they can’t go anywhere else.

I think this year has given a lot of us the chance to stop doing things we don’t want to do. I have hated Christmas since my mother died , at Christmas, 28 years ago. This year it will be a short visit , to drop of gifts to GC and then back home, feet up and eating in front of the tv. Maybe it will be different next year, I don’t know but the expected patterns have been broken . Sounds bad but at least this terrible pandemic has done one tiny useful thing in giving us all a good reason to stop doing stuff we don’t want to do just to appease others’ expectations. Good luck and “Bah ! Humbug !” Have the lovely day that YOU want.

Sending you lots of sympathy Grannyscrooge. I don't mind Christmas Day, but the run up to Christmas has always bothered me. I eventually realised it was because my parents always had a huge row just before Christmas and I was waiting every year for the same emotional upset. I think you need to start working on moving your commitments. Start on Christmas Day with a few hints about not being able to do this much longer (You can even add "what will you do when I've gone" if you really want to). Then at intervals through the year drop huge hints about it. You could base it on getting your DD to host or on passing on responsibility for everything and just using your house to host. I think if you can shift some of the responsibility you will enjoy Christmas more. Just think how nice it would be to turn up at your DDs have a lovely meal, give out the presents and leave!