No help, no gift so we are skiing

You must be very rich then SHR if you can afford to pay for everything youreselves without the need to take board money/rent of any kid off these adult kids- as i pay my rent/full council tax (theres no disabled/benefit reduction in council tax here in this new borough) and council have instructed me to ask adult children for help towards it they (council) expect you to- despite youngest being in full time college which the council insist i cant get a reduction on! Plus you were going to gift them £600 each- and yes it does sound like you were making it a complaint about it at beginning of post.🤔

And just to note- both my disabled sons are highly amused about this new phrase 'Neuro- diverse' they much prefer to use 'old- school' basic phrase/name for what they suffer from, -say just neurological conditions will do🙄

*meant rent of any kind

Im a bit confused as to how, even with ADHD or any other issues they can both hold down education and jobs but cant do household tasks though???

Yes i often think my youngest has oppositional disorder as well but hes not been officially diagnosed with that.

Secondhandrose - I think you must know by now that you are being taken for a ride and it’s probably too late to change things now. Sad but true. My three don’t offer to help, they simply get on with it! Even my little six year granddaughter will ask if she can set the table or help in the kitchen. It’s something they’ve all grown up with. Elder son’s partner got the hoover out on Boxing day, and cleaned the carpet! I can’t remember the exact term, but it’s something about rods and backs.

Lots of judge-y comments and I-wouldn’t-put-up-with-its here. Only parents, and to a lesser extent, grandparents of offspring with ADHD really understand what the OP is coping with. I didn’t think her post was complaining at all, rather making the best of it with a smile.

And the phrase "get rid of them" does sound particularly heartless tbh- dont you mean ''help them find alternative accommadation suitable for them now they're older"? How must 'get rid' of them' must seem to these AC is awful- no wonder they dont reciprocate respect or want to give you a gift? It does not seem as though theres much caring/feeling between you as a family.

Nannan2

And just to note- both my disabled sons are highly amused about this new phrase 'Neuro- diverse' they much prefer to use 'old- school' basic phrase/name for what they suffer from, -say just neurological conditions will do🙄

Well, they may be, but it is the correct term. We used to call the disabled a "spastic" but the term became offensive. It is just the change in language that happens, usually because the terminology is used in an offensive manner but sometimes because those suffering from the condition wish to be addressed thus. Neurotypical allow for a description of normality which isn't quite as offensive to those who don't fit that description therefore Neurodiverse is the opposite or difference. There is a whole new generation who would gasp at your sons being amused.

I asked both sons (last christmas) "what part of christmas do you most like?" They said tree/decorations so thats what i put them in charge of.it wasnt perfect but it passed muster.Worked quite well.As i said specific instructions.In 2019 I was very ill and xmas day found them both on phone to siblings asking how to do xmas dinner and with enough specific instructions from the others they muddled through & made a meal between them.

Icanhandthemback- my boys ARE the new generation! (19&24) but think its just a whole recent thing of adopting modern names for something that mostly the media dredge up to use- and actually the medical term 'spastic' is still used in medical world to describe the neurological/ medical condition cerebral palsy- even by their neurologist consultant.

I suppose it's a "welcome to modern life" ?! In our early adulthood we worked either at 15/16/18/21 depending on when education finished.no 'gap' years stuffed with self indulgent getting p****every night and doing shrooms or whatever they pop nowadays! We had VSO if not ready for work yet. And we gained valuable life experiences. We got married young! Anything from 16 onwards, either renting living with in-laws if suprise babe in tow, or took our lives in our hands and threw ourselves on the sacrificial altar of "The Mortgage" !!!! Resigning ourselves to the next 25 by ears of doing without so we could enjoy a comfy playtime retirement like ma and pa! Sadly those somewhat tatty round the edges second hand/ hand me down days of fourth hand cars and rented TV with occasional break every 3rd year to cheapo resort/Devon and Cornwall are gone! We've allowed it to happen and spoiled kids don't come home to roost- they never bloody fledge! You HAVE to put yourself first, it's a killer but time is precious after working life and they've got literally decades to sort themselves out as we had, enjoy your skiing WITHOUT guilt!!😁

I still use the traditional term for a snooty consultant too (t**t) !!!

but think its just a whole recent thing of adopting modern names for something that mostly the media dredge up to use

Some of it might be but Neurodiverse is a term used by ASD specialists. As for using the word "spastic", yes in the medical world for damaged/deformed parts of the body it may well be used but you'd be slaughtered for using it to describe a disabled person. Language evolves so maybe that is a lesson for your sons.

Gab56 speak for yourself about not having a gap year in the 60’s.

I speak for the majority. I know many who cleared off abroad for a few months but you know all too well that it wasn't the accepted norm it became. Most families neede the money of a working teen in the house, well off? Lucky you!

Wishing you a FANTASTIC holiday-enjoy it xx

From the day of their first job at 16 my 3C payed a sum called rent depending on their pay. I wanted them to understand a pay packet comes with obligations and was not all available for use. Much later the money, that I had banked in their names, was given to them as a lump sum for a Wedding, Masters Degree and Teaching degree. It was much appreciated at a time of great expense.

Apart from help and gifts - we are of the mind to spend before we pass, nothing to save for at advanced age. Just care, imo.

I wanted to leave school at 17 years old, my mum was fuming, she gave me 2 weeks to get a job or I was going back to school. I got a job and she took half my wages for food and board from my first pay packet. That's the way it was then, you wanted to work and be a grown up so that's what you did.
I had to do housework, my own washing and ironing, etc; no molly coddling for us, you didn't like it you knew where the door was. I'm thankful to her, she made us grow up and look after ourselves.

Curious what is the situation now? I am learning about Teens with PDA profile, so any updates, please do

Never heard in my life if do many neuro diverse ADH and other terms. I worked in a school and out of a class of 40 only one was a what we called a slow learner, I wonder why it's so common now.

Allsorts

Never heard in my life if do many neuro diverse ADH and other terms. I worked in a school and out of a class of 40 only one was a what we called a slow learner, I wonder why it's so common now.

It isn't common now. It isn't a fad.
There is a much greater understanding of neuro diverse conditions such as autism/ADHD now. With that comes professional assessments and a diagnosis to help and support that person throughout life.
I remember a boy in my Primary school class (1950's) who sat on his own and spent his day drawing and playing with plasticine and raffia. He was called 'backward' but I now know he was on the spectrum.

That sounds like an incredibly frustrating and deflating way to spend Christmas — especially when you’ve put in the effort to make the day special and got very little appreciation in return.

At least you and your DH made a good call turning that disappointment into something positive for yourselves. A holiday funded by “unspent” generosity sounds like the perfect way to reclaim the joy.

😂👏👏👏👏👏👏good for you.