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The Corona virus visa vi my other half

(78 Posts)
gagsville Fri 13-Mar-20 12:16:38

AIBU to expect my other half to have cancelled his trip to the rugby tomorrow because I have many health problems all of which make me vulnerable to this outbreak? He also has mild heart problems. We both have parents in their 90's. I have not really said much or asked him not to go, but have this underlying feeling of resentment towards him. HELP!

ReadyMeals Sat 14-Mar-20 10:14:04

I have had to ask my younger husband to stop volunteering in a charity shop, where they have no hand sanitiser and only a shared washroom towel that rarely gets washed. Also the risk of a customer coughing over him. He was reluctant but fortunately agreed. I am happy with the risk at his day job, where they practice good hygiene.

123gran Sat 14-Mar-20 10:14:35

Same position here - not letting his mates down definitely comes before me (high risk) and he flatly refuses to change priorities. You find out where you stand when these things arise - no surprise in my case, sadly. Sympathy gagsville and pleased for you that he can’t put you in danger now. Take care of yourself.

Hetty58 Sat 14-Mar-20 10:21:12

My son rents out rooms in his house. He's now bought an extra fridge, kettle, microwave etc. to use in his own part so he doesn't have to share the kitchen. He's low risk - but a worrier!

Perhaps you could protest by dividing your house? That would get your point across. Maybe just the shed and garage for him?

B9exchange Sat 14-Mar-20 10:22:45

I think the rugby has been cancelled?
Think DH is getting stressed (no underlying conditions) but taking usual precautions. What are you all doing about Mothering Sunday, really struggled to find a restaurant table free, so most not worried then? grin

Missiseff Sat 14-Mar-20 10:31:37

Chestnut - particularly the men & their sporting herds??? Never been so insulted! I'm almost 58 and a woman! Both my husband and myself have season tickets for the football teams we support - two different ones - I go to my matches by myself, and I can assure you there are THOUSANDS of other WOMEN that go too. We are both gutted that the football season has been put on hold, that not only can't we go to our own matches but that we can't watch other teams on tv either. We are at a loss.

crimpedhalo Sat 14-Mar-20 10:34:03

We have been self isolating because of my husband's Multiple Myeloma bone cancer. He was to have his 2nd stem cell transplant about now but as he is doing well on the medication we decided to cancel. His two consultants were ok with this. We haven't seen any friends/family/grandchildren since before Xmas.

We are retired in our 70's so it's much easier for us, though we do have our vulnerable immuno compromised 27yo son (who lives with us) with acute anxiety issues to help with. I have only very recently been diagnosed with T2 diabetes, NAFLD, Polycythaemia......and I was 'the carer'! I do all I can to protect us and other people.

Have I been stockpiling.....yes...just an xtra tenner a week on dry goods and tins, but I do have a freezer arriving this afternoon so I can store bread, milk, meat, etc. We have family who have just never understood the spread of germs being dangerous for my husband. I would say look your cold is my husband's pneumonia/sepsis.

Since 2015 no hugs or kisses so we are more than experienced at saying A BIG FAT NO in any given situation. We couldn't rely on them to help us...even my married son never carried tissues and if I offered he would say he was ok thanks!!! Tut tut

This situation just highlights how the general public are at the mercy of people who still 'just aren't getting it'.

I spend time on Facebook reading true experiences from people actually dealing with the stark hour by hour situation.

Flakesdayout Sat 14-Mar-20 10:34:59

My partner is the same. He says he is washing his hands at work but still travels with colleagues backwards and forwards to London. He thinks if he gets the virus he will be ok but I wont. (very low immunity) (Thanks for that comment) but he is still going out and doing his 'thing'. In fact tonight he is going to a family party. I think it will take someone getting this virus who he knows, and this probably applies to a lot of people before he takes it seriously. So yes, I have some feelings of resentment and have told him if I die he will be homeless!!

crimpedhalo Sat 14-Mar-20 10:36:13


Yay....Love it.

Katek Sat 14-Mar-20 10:41:06

We’ve sadly had to take the decision to cancel our cruise in June, but DH was very loathe to cancel a planned business trip which meant flying into Schiphol! Fortunately his client has now postponed the job so it’s no longer an issue, but it was going to take the efforts of the whole family to persuade him otherwise had this not happened. We’re both higher risk so I’m extremely relieved he’s not going. He’s always prioritised work, we’ve had numerous ‘debates’ shall we say about it over the years. What is it that makes them think they’re indispensable when it comes to work? He’s a consultant engineer so not even in any essential occupation in the current situation. SIL is currently in Cardiff having travelled down from Scotland-it would have been good had the cancellation decision been taken earlier. We should be attending a funeral on Tuesday but have decided not to go.

Teacheranne Sat 14-Mar-20 10:48:38

Whatever happens, I will have to find some way of getting to care for my mother ( age 87, with Alzeimers and breast cancer, lives alone with daily visits from either me, my sister or carers at weekends) as without these visits she would not eat. We do all her shopping and cook one hot meal a day as she can no longer use the cooker or microwave. She then forgets to eat regularly and tends to resort to biscuits or chocolate when hungry. We have to be careful how much fresh food we have in the fridge as sometimes it gets left out or sell by dates are ignored. On the daily visits we check these things.

She is safe at home, we have installed a lot of technology which we can operate remotely so she is not ready to go into a care home although we know that day will come. I cannot live at her house nor can I look after her at my house as I am disabled, my sister still has youngish children with no spare bedroom and my brother also looks after his partner who is registered blind.

So, if the carers cannot increase their visits due to staff shortages, do we leave my mother to potentially die if we siblings are forced to self isolate? No one has suggested how such people will be looked after.

bruff Sat 14-Mar-20 11:11:48

Gagsville nothing to worry about now no football no rugby
You the your OH can go out to and he can treat you to dinner

Tillybelle Sat 14-Mar-20 11:24:24

hugshelp I read my newspaper online. OI paid an Amazon subscription for an online version of the Guardian.

Sorry about your daughter. Maybe she has her head in the sand through fear. It might be that she is forced to stop exposing herself to so much public contact, perhaps she will be told by her Doctor not to go out.

harrigran Sat 14-Mar-20 11:24:47

I think it is a bloke thing. DH is older than me and has health problems but does just carry on as normal, he says we are all going to have to get it so might as well get it over with.

Jillybird Sat 14-Mar-20 11:25:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ginny Sat 14-Mar-20 11:27:36

How did we manage during the war ?
You could not ‘catch’ the war . When an air raid was signalled, those that could got out of the way.

ReadyMeals Sat 14-Mar-20 11:36:51

Talking of mothers day, my daughter and grandson were due to come up for a visit (UK mothers day next weekend) and two days ago she spent the evening with a friend who had slight cold symptoms, then on Friday phoned her as it had become really bad and she was finding it hard to breathe. Now because they have stopped testing people who are handling the illness at home, there is no way to know for sure whether it's really covid or just the chest involvement you do sometimes get with a bad cold. This means a) my daughter can no longer visit us just in case, and b) if she does get sick herself (she will recover fine I am sure) we still won't have the reassurance of knowing she's then immune and can't give it to us later. I wish they'd get the testing back on track

Bbarb Sat 14-Mar-20 11:53:18

I feel the same resentment as gagsville - my OH is still going out to his auctions, meetings, pub - but had the gall to tell me not to attend our 'chair exercise' class (total membership of 8 people, if we're all there) because I might bring it home.
Its the feeling that he considers himself above possible infection so has no need to curtail his pleasures, whilst I might 'catch something' so should stay isolated.
How very dare they?
(I have cut my swimming sessions, and my voluntery work, but feel somewhat guilty about that).

polnan Sat 14-Mar-20 11:59:57

During the war, there weren`t so many people here..
and during the war, we weren`t in a globalised world
and during the war, we produced most, if not a lot of our own food and products, ie. not so globalised.

during the war,, there wasn`t this foreign travel, (I know men and women were shipped etc. to other countries)

during the war.. we were a lot healthier.

need I go on...

no disrespect.. just saying

hereshoping Sat 14-Mar-20 12:24:43

It is surprisingly difficult to self isolate when sharing a house.
I too have a raging sore throat, came on suddenly last night, doesn't seem likely to be a symptom of coronavirus.
I live with H (70 like me) me and MiL (92 and immobile).
Am spraying everything with Dettol spray after I use it but my husband is not one to bring a cup of tea or anything to eat to me if I'm ill, so if I want anything I have to get up and get it.
Am contemplating giving up and going back to normal but being extra careful.

Irenelily Sat 14-Mar-20 12:34:44

In answer to Anncan, about getting through the war - no television to keep on going over what is happening! Radio didn’t have the same impact. I’ve given up watching the News repeatedly going over events and asking all and sundry for their opinion. I get what information I want via my IPad. People have got to work, at the moment schools are open although it will soon be Easter Holidays. Common sense is needed-by the Government- and all of us!,

cc Sat 14-Mar-20 12:50:28

My DH is really being pretty sensible, we've decided not to go to a 70th birthday party next week because of the coronavirus. I've just been on a short holiday, a birthday present from my daughter, and am taking extra precautions for a couple of weeks to help ensure that I don't pass on a possible virus to him - sleeping in another room, washing hands more etc.
He has an inherited heart condition, controlled by medication.

Xrgran Sat 14-Mar-20 12:54:01

Sore throat is first sign of coronavirus

Then temperature so anyone with sore throat should be self isolating. The advice I have is to gargle as much as you can with warm salt water and drink hot peppermint tea with honey.
I’m amazed at the selfish behaviour this virus has brought out and I’m sure there are going to be whole families torn apart when this is eventually over. We can’t cope with these big emergencies unless we stop thinking about our own personal needs and start thinking about the needs of our families and others. It’s a time to take a long hard look at ourselves and our relationships.

oodles Sat 14-Mar-20 13:03:55

getting through the war - people had sirens when there was an air-raid coming and air-raid shelters, children were shipped out of danger zones, the government gave sensible advice and there was societal pressure to stick to it, not to waste petrol and save space on transport for troops. This was a pre-antibiotic era and people were not so blase about infections, although the famous slogan coughs and sneezes spread diseases was 1946. there wasn'tthe air travel either, if you were weeks on a boat you'd presumably know by the time you got home whether you had a bug or not, we had isolation hospitals too, so if someone had a dangerous infectious disease you were isolated
We also had rationing so no one could hoard more than they needed. including paper

Bluecat Sat 14-Mar-20 13:06:01

We need social distancing, testing and tracing and we need it now. If that doesn't happen, the virus will run wild like it is doing in Italy. The "herd immunity" theory isn't proven to work - it is a gamble - and people of our age, plus the sick and disabled, are collateral damage.

The editor of the Lancet and other eminent scientists have written to the government to beg them to act now, or many thousands will lose their parents and grandparents. I doubt they will listen.

Basically, the only hope if you're high risk is isolation. The Italians are having to do it and we should do it now. Going to large events, or even small ones, should be out of the question.

Notright Sat 14-Mar-20 13:40:43

OK Gagsville - guess you've read the news all matches cancelled/postponed.