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The Corona virus visa vi my other half

(78 Posts)
gagsville Fri 13-Mar-20 12:16:38

AIBU to expect my other half to have cancelled his trip to the rugby tomorrow because I have many health problems all of which make me vulnerable to this outbreak? He also has mild heart problems. We both have parents in their 90's. I have not really said much or asked him not to go, but have this underlying feeling of resentment towards him. HELP!

sandelf Sat 14-Mar-20 13:40:59

Shocked and saddened by this thread. Don't they have any idea! At the moment I don't think they are sure if people are infectious before they feel ill - I (and him as much as...) are just not going near to other people. (The big upside for me is I don't have to go along with smelly unhygienic men giving me 'warm' hugs) - you know the ones. BTW didn't you always know Salmond is a creep.

hugshelp Sat 14-Mar-20 13:46:06

Thanks Tillybelle - I've just checked out the price of a subscription to DHs regular paper and it's half the price of buying it in print - might be able to sell him the idea when I point that out, he's quite frugal.

Coco51 Sat 14-Mar-20 13:49:55

I can understand how vulnerable you feel - I have to take immuno-suppressants and feel quite scared about going out. My partner and I have had an essential shop this morning and planned a home delivery so that we can avoid going out.
I don’t think it is unreasonable for your OH to cancel his trip - after all there will always be another rugby game but not another you or himself for that matter

Boz Sat 14-Mar-20 13:57:10

Civilisation has been heading for trouble for some time.
For any one interested read very short story by H G Wells
"When The Machine Stops", Food for thought.

Esmerelda Sat 14-Mar-20 14:01:32

No rugby, no football ... karma for your selfish OH, gagsville

DeeDum Sat 14-Mar-20 14:04:42

Mine won't and can't be bothered to even wash his hands, and both myself and my son have health problems
So I'm in no position to comment.
He even wet his finger picking up his crumbs to eat of a table
While we were in a cafe the other day ...
When did my husband turn into this uncaring slob?? Yet to his mates and the rest of the world his so lovely and caring ? Mmm
Good luck OP x

grannyactivist Sat 14-Mar-20 14:34:50

To those of you who are living with thoughtless and uncaring people I send my sympathy. I though, am living with the opposite situation. All of my family - including my elderly parents-in-law who are taking sensible precautions, but carrying on as normal - are insistent that I should basically lock myself away.

My children and grandchildren are FaceTiming and WhatsApping every day, but there will be no more visits until the current situation has eased - basically when they are sure that there will definitely be a hospital bed for me if I catch the illness.

One of my daughters is an ICU/ECMO nurse who keeps up to date with my health issues and she has insisted that I should isolate myself immediately. My husband is, in his own words, 'terrified', that he will pick up the virus and pass it on to me, so he has already started to work from home as much as possible and is limiting his meetings insofar as he can. He is also scrupulously washing his hands, the milk and post deliveries, any shopping he buys.........hmm

Fortunately, my family like to have a laugh and there has been a lot of dark humour and many light moments to offset their very real concerns. smile

NanaAnnie Sat 14-Mar-20 15:40:16

Bluecat - I am in complete agreement with you. We don't know what course this virus is going to take. My only question is, how long do we put ourselves into isolation? I have work and grandchildren childcare to consider, both of which are going to be difficult for me to accomplish.

NanaAnnie Sat 14-Mar-20 15:43:31

DeeDum - then you must make him wash his hands. Such thoughtless acts at this time is what will allow the virus to continue and spread.

Timsmum Sat 14-Mar-20 16:17:59

My mum is 98 and still works 3 days a week at a charity shop. She has no intention of missing it and says she would rather die of the virus than end in a home. I have health issues which means I really should avoid visiting her,but I feel guilty.It could last for ages and someone has to get her food in . Wish she would just stay at home.

Chestnut Sat 14-Mar-20 16:32:57

Timsmum - this is a case of people deciding for themselves. She has made her choice and you must decide what is best for your own health. If it were me I'd order her groceries to be delivered and stay away. She cannot be that frail if she still works at a charity shop, so I'm sure she can unpack her own groceries. You need to make it clear that you are not going to risk your life because of her decisions, and as your mother I'm sure she wouldn't want you to.

Flakesdayout Sat 14-Mar-20 17:26:50

I popped out today to drop some plants to a friend and then to see my son and daughter in law - a quick visit. I got told off. I am on immuno-suppressants and my DIL told me off as I wanted to pop into the supermarket. I didnt and have decided to stay at home. My partner on the other hand has still gone out to the family party. Grrr

hugshelp Sat 14-Mar-20 17:38:09

He is also scrupulously washing his hands, the milk and post deliveries, any shopping he buys.........hmm
I discard all packaging from post immedietly. Put all new items that are not required immedietly into quarantine in the spare room.
Everything else is cleaned before being used or put away.
The virus can live up to a few days on some surfaces. For paper and card this seems to be about 24 hours so postal packaging could indeed spread the virus, but letters and cards inside should be ok by the time you get them.

We may have started doing this on the early side but dH and I both think the sooner we start the easier it will be to make it a habit and do it right.

newnanny Sat 14-Mar-20 21:40:39

I think most sports events are now cancelled: Golf, Rugby, Cricket and Football and most likely Wimbledon and Olympics. I like to go to see sport too, but really when people are dying we all have to think of priorities. I have prepared a spare bedroom and if anyone in our house gets ill they will be quarantined in there and not allowed out except for bathroom opposite. We can all use ensuite or shower room.

ReadyMeals Sun 15-Mar-20 09:39:46

Timsmum, your mother is very noble and brave but it's not an attitude we can all realistically aspire to. I hope she stays well!

Tooting29 Sun 15-Mar-20 21:09:31

My OH had a massive row this afternoon after I asked him to wash his hands when he got home from being out at the pub. He is over 70 and potentially in the vunerable group I have impaired immune system from cancer treatment. I wash my hands when I get home from work and out and am following advice as well as taking sensible precautions to keep him and myself safe. Sadly it's not reciprocal and I'm fuming

Chestnut Sun 15-Mar-20 23:33:15

Keep rowing Tooting29 as he needs to be told in no uncertain terms. You have the moral high ground so stay there. Print a few notices (BBC website) and stick them round the house, visible from the front door especially. This has got to be second nature for the next few months.

ReadyMeals Mon 16-Mar-20 09:08:29

It's a bit of a thin line, but if he were to develop symptoms and still refused to protect your health, then I believe it becomes a criminal matter similar to when someone infected with HIV continues to sleep with partners unprotected without them knowing. So in the end, anyone who seriously feels their partner is likely to infect them with corona, and are in a vulnerable group, could quite possibly get a court injunction for the person to stay away as well as prosecuting them.

gagsville Mon 16-Mar-20 09:16:38

Thank you so much to everyone for their comments. As you say it was cancelled anyway but he still would have gone! We had a good chat at the weekend and I feel a bit better for having vented my spleen!! It's a really difficult one to call and my thoughts and love go out to all of you struggling to cope.

Misha14 Mon 16-Mar-20 09:46:57

Like busyb my husband though not unwell has a number of underlying health conditions which added to to his age, and mine, and his gender make him high risk. So we're self isolating, apart from medical appointments, from today. There was a certain amount of reluctance and moaning from him when I and daughter suggested it but he's come round now. All I can say is that the next few weeks are going to be very interesting.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 16-Mar-20 10:05:46

Your husband is being selfish and very stupid.

That match ought to be cancelled.

Boz Mon 16-Mar-20 15:41:13

Just had a domestic victory. OH is 80 and very fit but informed me he was going to the golf club to have a chat with friends in the bar! I am not well at the moment with a sore throat and TOLD him not to go and had to explain it could endanger my health. He agreed but with poor grace.

Tooting29 Mon 16-Mar-20 16:42:47

PS very subdued and compliant husband so the row worked as did the message in red on a poster on the door

gagsville Fri 20-Mar-20 13:15:06

Tooting29. I understand your feelings completely and you Boz. Why are some men so reluctant to get on board with the seriousness of this? Despite my health issues, when the milk and tissues didn't arrive on my online order today I asked him if he could pop out early for me and try and get some. He said he was too busy in the office and would go later. I put gloves on and a scarf around my face and went myself. there was 1 pint of skimmed milk left by 8.30. I feel like leaving him at the moment I am so angry. I also have to tell him to wash his hands. He raises his eyes to the ceiling..

Namsnanny Fri 20-Mar-20 14:45:19

I think the stress and tension of the situation brings out our different ways of dealing with the crisis doesn't it gagsville (Tooting29 and Boz).

You are of course correct in the way to handle coronavirus.

I feel frustrated and angry at times with his lack of focus whilst my mind is roaring at 20 to the dozen trying to get some organisation in our home, so that should the worst hit we can a least have a back up plan.

But he is still happily denying any risks and buying saucepans (bought a steamer shelf thingy that goes into a saucepan a few days ago - WHY??? Who is going to save themselves by steaming veg?)

His priorities are on food, mine are focused on keeping us safe first!