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The Corona virus visa vi my other half

(77 Posts)
gagsville Fri 13-Mar-20 12:16:38

AIBU to expect my other half to have cancelled his trip to the rugby tomorrow because I have many health problems all of which make me vulnerable to this outbreak? He also has mild heart problems. We both have parents in their 90's. I have not really said much or asked him not to go, but have this underlying feeling of resentment towards him. HELP!

Baggs Fri 13-Mar-20 12:26:36

Can't help you with the resentment, gagsville, which I do not think unreasonable, so just extending some sympathy.

Chestnut Fri 13-Mar-20 12:34:12

I'm afraid many people cannot even contemplate the changes this virus is bringing to their lives. Men in particular seem to expect their sporting herd activities to continue. You can only plead with him to understand how fatal this virus is to you both and to your parents. How would he feel if his selfishness caused one or more of you to die?

Patsy70 Fri 13-Mar-20 12:39:31

I think it is difficult to judge how people should deal with this on a personal basis. Your OH may wish to carry on as normal, hopefully taking the necessary precautions. My OH, who is nearly 73, has today decided that he will stop going to his usual twice weekly gym sessions and no longer go swimming twice a week, also he won't be attending his archery club once a week. This is because he has a blood disorder and is on anticoagulants, and has read that he is high risk. He intends taking our dog for more walks and exercising at home! He's probably being very sensible.

Buttonjugs Fri 13-Mar-20 12:45:00

I am sure it will be fine. Get him to give his hands a good wash as soon as he gets home. Ask him to wipe over steering wheel, door handles etc.

Buttonjugs Fri 13-Mar-20 12:45:20

Of the car!

Nonogran Fri 13-Mar-20 12:57:48

Hello Gagsville, I'm in exactly the same boat as you with the rugby club scenario & a mum in her 90's. I cannot get my partner to take my worry on board. He's already had/has a chest infection, presumably brought back from the club which he's passed onto me in the form of a raging sore throat. Nothing I can't cope with (so far) but I've already had two chest infections this winter. I'm "self isolating" & staying away from people/supermarkets etc but he's not so like you, I'm resentful. I feel like a right old fuss pot asking him to wash his hands properly but to no avail. He's not normally selfish or stubborn so I'm taken back by his attitude.

Mhulmie Fri 13-Mar-20 12:59:31

I feel it’s up to each individual to take the necessary steps they need to take to keep themselves as safe as possible. Only they know how anxious they may feel, personally I’m more aware of the hygiene aspect of travelling on public transport etc and I’m vigilant in washing hands etc, but I’m still going out and trying to keep it in perspective, I’m sure we will all either be affected or know someone who is, hopefully we recover, stay safe folks keep smiling

SueDonim Fri 13-Mar-20 14:26:01

I think you should tell him that he’ll have to self-isolate from you if he goes to the rugby ie stay and sleep in another room and all the other things were told.

TerriBull Fri 13-Mar-20 15:26:06

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, I was with a friend this week and she told me of a friend of hers, whose husband took off a week or so ago skiing to Northern Italy, must have been among the final numbers who were still going shock up to her, but if that was me I'd ask him to go and live somewhere else for a couple of weeks on his return. Some people clearly don't seem to realise how doing exactly what they want may affect those around them.

Patsy70 Fri 13-Mar-20 16:02:35

The Scotland vs Wales game has now been cancelled, along with many other sporting events.

Chestnut Fri 13-Mar-20 16:28:03

Maybe the events being cancelled will shock these men into realising how serious it is. They will be taken aback I'm sure.

Pix5 Sat 14-Mar-20 09:06:39

My husband is the same. I think it’s a very selfish attitude and unfortunately has soured our marriage for many years. Personally I don’t think my husband can care or love me by putting me at risk.

Beanie654321 Sat 14-Mar-20 09:15:07

They have cancelled it.

Aepgirl Sat 14-Mar-20 09:20:08

Well the decision is now out of his hands, as the rugby has been cancelled!

Emelle Sat 14-Mar-20 09:21:46

We have the opposite scenario - my 91 year old Mother in Law is refusing to do stop going out shopping and meeting friends for coffee. That's her choice but OH and I are being very careful so I am not happy about him going to visit her. If she wants to take the risk that's her choice but I don't think OH should by visiting her.

Boz Sat 14-Mar-20 09:22:55

Ditto Pix5
My OH came back from skiing with "flight Flu" (hopefully) and gave me his germs. I am 76 with a poor chest history. He has little concern for others, I am afraid, so this was all par to the course.
You can divide society into those who do what needs to be done and those who do what they like.
Resentment? In spades.

Struggling2do1 Sat 14-Mar-20 09:30:39

I stopped attending our gym a couple of weeks ago due to other members appalling lack of hygiene, mostly perpetrated by men. My husband continued to attend but has now accepted how much the behaviour of others was potentially also placing him at risk and he has now agreed not to attend until things improve. We are in the higher risk group but it’s taken a lot of nagging on my part to get him to see the need to change his behaviour. Not sure if it’s the macho element in males but they are definitely less able to see risk and act to protect themselves & others!

NanaAnnie Sat 14-Mar-20 09:31:08

Being outdoors is good BUT not if it means your packed liked sardines into a stadium with thousands of other people shouting encouragement at their teams to win and at the same time, spreading those germs amongst each other. And do you really think they're all going to use the loo and then afterwards sing 'happy birthday' for 20 seconds while washing their hands? Get real, people, this is a pandemic and every care must be taken to ensure each other's safety, the safety of those close to us and beyond. People aren't self-isolating for no reason, workplaces are being deep-cleaned on a daily basis, most major sporting events are being cancelled and rightly so. We all have to work together in this crisis and put our selfishness aside for now. Keep safe and well everyone. To the original poster, unless your husband is psychic, he won't know your concerns about him going to the match, which presumably has been cancelled now anyway, so open up to him and discuss.

busyb Sat 14-Mar-20 09:32:23

I'm the other way round. My husband is in poor health and over reluctantly taken the decision not to go to any of my groups/outings. I'm disappointed but in the long run it lessens the chance of passing it on. Hopefully it will all be over soon.

MarieEliza Sat 14-Mar-20 09:37:22

I thought the rugby has been cancelled

Tillybelle Sat 14-Mar-20 09:39:37

I realise the rugby game is no longer a problem, and perhaps the fact that it has been cancelled will make the severity of the problem hit home to those who were still planning to go.

For those with elderly friends and relatives who are determined not to take precautions, there is an article in the Guardian you might like to give them to read. Apologies if this has already been mentioned elsewhere. I decided to self isolate two days ago except I am in the process of buying a new (secondhand) car so may ask to have it delivered to me.

The article is:

Good luck everyone! Keep positive!

annodomini Sat 14-Mar-20 09:42:17

Yes, the Rugby was cancelled too late for the many Scots fans who'd already made their way to Cardiff. ?

Annecan Sat 14-Mar-20 09:48:40

The elderly are most at risk, so of course it’s sensible to take precautions
The panic response is scary, how on earth did people get through the war.
My view is to listen to the chief medical officer and follow his advice

hugshelp Sat 14-Mar-20 10:11:19

This is such a difficult time for everyone but it is really hard when families are coming from different positions. Our daughter is really blase about it, despite having immune problems and being disabled so reliant on carers and, in the event they let her down, us. We already shop a bit for her and go and clean a bit and DH runs her around. DH is high risk and I'm not much better so getting across the message that we want to help but it is dangerous to carry on as normal is so difficult. She's still planning train journeys to see friends etc, though as it happens isn't well enough to travel right now. And when I try and talk about some of the measures we are taking I get told, 'stop it you're stressing me out.' - a real case of carry on as normal and it will just go away. Sadly it won't.
Hubby is being pretty good. I've been trying to get across that although it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to completely avoid contact, reducing contact along with enhanced hygiene measures means we may thwart the virus at least to an extent, and viral load matters. There's been a couple of death now among high-profile medics where it has been felt the repeated exposure may have been a big factor. So I'm going with everything we can do to reduce the risk may help. But when it gets to not being able to pop out for his newspaper (which may be advised for the vulnerable by next week) he's going to be jolly unhappy.