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Can I help and yet follow the guidelines, and is it even wise.

(43 Posts)
LizH13 Mon 23-Mar-20 23:35:01

My DD is due to have an elective caesarean on Wednesday, the plan was our DGS (3) was to stay with us until she was safely delivered, and then return with him to help out when she is home. SiL has his own business that always seems to take priority so I know there's little chance of him stepping up. Following tonight's announcement they have asked if I can stay with them until she is home and in a routine to help her and DGS.. DH would stay home. I know this is against the guidelines. I'm 66 and in reasonably good health. Any advice to help my dilemma would be welcome I am so fearful for my little family.

SalsaQueen Tue 24-Mar-20 13:46:31

Quite simply, your son-in-law should be looking after his little boy and your daughter.

Oopsadaisy3 Tue 24-Mar-20 13:48:01

Liz I think that the fact that you are asking means that you know that you shouldn’t do it, it isn’t a life or death situation so you should stay away, what if you are carrying the virus? You will go back into their home and take it with you.

Morethan you are in an awful situation, I think you have to follow your gut on this one, maybe I’ve in with them for the duration, I’m sure for exceptional circumstances you would be ok, but are you absolutely fit and well yourself?
I saw yesterday that anyone having end of life care can have one close relative with them ( in our hospital anyway) not sure if this applies to Covid 19 patients as they are sedated anyway.
I hope you come to a decision and that it all goes as well as it can for you.

LizH13 Tue 24-Mar-20 14:10:52

morethan my heart goes out to you. Do what you feel is the right thing. The long term health of your son and his family is paramount, they are all vulnerable.
These are the early days of times we have never known before, everyone is just feeling their way, hopefully we will come through this knowing we did the right thing.

SueDonim Tue 24-Mar-20 14:39:07

Morethan I’ve followed your dil’s story for sometime and I’m so very sorry that things have progressed this far. It’s an utter tragedy. sad

I think you and your family are in exceptional circumstances and I can understand wanting to be there to support your son and GC while he attends to his wife, so I’d move in, too, if I could. flowers

grannylyn65 Tue 24-Mar-20 14:41:47

Thanks for sharing that you sent someone a message ??

GagaJo Tue 24-Mar-20 14:56:39

I think that although the lockdown is serious, there ARE times when you have to make an exception.

Having a baby is one of those times. Caring for grandchildren when their parent is dying is another.

Laughterlines Tue 31-Mar-20 22:04:13

Morethan. you should go and stay there. I have you in my thoughts and I can’t even imagine how difficult this situation is for your whole family. Whatever happens your family needs you and nobody could find fault in your actions. Take care of each other and stay as strong as you can in the horrible situation you find yourself.

sodapop Tue 31-Mar-20 22:17:51

Oh morethan what a terrible time for you and your family, my heart goes out to you. Of course you must be with them to support and care for the children especially. thanks

Hetty58 Tue 31-Mar-20 22:25:10

GagaJo, I disagree. The guidelines are simple enough. Does the vulnerable person need care? Yes or no? Obviously, caring for a family where the mother is dying qualifies. Her husband can't be expected to care for her and the kids at the same time.

Having a baby isn't an illness, though. People manage to have a c-section and cope with another child just fine - I did! She has a husband who can assist her, so Mum should stay away!

GagaJo Tue 31-Mar-20 23:00:52

We'll have to agree to disagree Hetty. I would go.

GrannyLaine Tue 31-Mar-20 23:26:48


"Terminally ill people with less than six months to live do not have to self-isolate if they don't want to, the NHS has said.

They have been told to spend their final days and weeks with their loved ones instead of locking themselves away.

In new guidance from the NHS, it states: "We also suggest that anybody with a terminal diagnosis who is thought to be in their last 6 months of life should be excluded from this group (unless they wish to be included), to allow them to maintain contact with their loved ones during the last phase of their illness."

I'm so sorry for your situation but the above allows you to do what you need to do, but keep yourself safe otherwise. flowers

Callistemon Wed 01-Apr-20 00:19:58

Morethan I am so sorry to hear that things have got so much worse. The family needs your help at this terrible time and you want and need to be there for them
Take all care and precautions yourself too, best of luck flowers

LizH much as you would love to be there to help your DD, and she will need some help if she has had a Caesarean, your SIL must be the one to look after his own family. Is his business essential, and can he do some work from home?

Callistemon Wed 01-Apr-20 00:23:19

Having a baby is not really one of those times, how did we cope without help and before paternity leave? And I had 2 other little ones and a leg in plaster too.

Hithere Wed 01-Apr-20 00:37:00

I agree your dd or dil having a baby is not an exception to the rule of stay at home.

Callistemon Wed 01-Apr-20 00:39:37

Even a 3 year old can be helpful and may enjoy being involved with helping mummy with the new baby.

Bathsheba Wed 01-Apr-20 15:59:59

Oh morethan, I am so very sad to read of the progression of your DDiL's illness. I think you should do what you feel is right - if you want to be with them, then go. They need you now more than ever before. Don't tear yourself apart worrying, just go.

LizH13 I so understand how you must be feeling, but your DD does have her husband with her. He should put his family first now and care for them without putting you - and them - at risk. I know it's hard for you, but you should be following the govt. guidelines and keeping your distance from them. They will be fine. People do manage.

morethan2 Thu 02-Apr-20 20:18:51

GrannyLaine and all those who expressed concern for my family’s horrible situation “thank you”thanks