Can I help and yet follow the guidelines, and is it even wise.

GrannyLaine and all those who expressed concern for my family’s horrible situation “thank you”

Oh morethan, I am so very sad to read of the progression of your DDiL's illness. I think you should do what you feel is right - if you want to be with them, then go. They need you now more than ever before. Don't tear yourself apart worrying, just go.

LizH13 I so understand how you must be feeling, but your DD does have her husband with her. He should put his family first now and care for them without putting you - and them - at risk. I know it's hard for you, but you should be following the govt. guidelines and keeping your distance from them. They will be fine. People do manage.

Even a 3 year old can be helpful and may enjoy being involved with helping mummy with the new baby.

I agree your dd or dil having a baby is not an exception to the rule of stay at home.

Having a baby is not really one of those times, how did we cope without help and before paternity leave? And I had 2 other little ones and a leg in plaster too.

Morethan I am so sorry to hear that things have got so much worse. The family needs your help at this terrible time and you want and need to be there for them
Take all care and precautions yourself too, best of luck

LizH much as you would love to be there to help your DD, and she will need some help if she has had a Caesarean, your SIL must be the one to look after his own family. Is his business essential, and can he do some work from home?

Morethan

"Terminally ill people with less than six months to live do not have to self-isolate if they don't want to, the NHS has said.

They have been told to spend their final days and weeks with their loved ones instead of locking themselves away.

In new guidance from the NHS, it states: "We also suggest that anybody with a terminal diagnosis who is thought to be in their last 6 months of life should be excluded from this group (unless they wish to be included), to allow them to maintain contact with their loved ones during the last phase of their illness."

I'm so sorry for your situation but the above allows you to do what you need to do, but keep yourself safe otherwise.

We'll have to agree to disagree Hetty. I would go.

GagaJo, I disagree. The guidelines are simple enough. Does the vulnerable person need care? Yes or no? Obviously, caring for a family where the mother is dying qualifies. Her husband can't be expected to care for her and the kids at the same time.

Having a baby isn't an illness, though. People manage to have a c-section and cope with another child just fine - I did! She has a husband who can assist her, so Mum should stay away!

Oh morethan what a terrible time for you and your family, my heart goes out to you. Of course you must be with them to support and care for the children especially.

Morethan. you should go and stay there. I have you in my thoughts and I can’t even imagine how difficult this situation is for your whole family. Whatever happens your family needs you and nobody could find fault in your actions. Take care of each other and stay as strong as you can in the horrible situation you find yourself.

I think that although the lockdown is serious, there ARE times when you have to make an exception.

Having a baby is one of those times. Caring for grandchildren when their parent is dying is another.

Thanks for sharing that you sent someone a message ??

Morethan I’ve followed your dil’s story for sometime and I’m so very sorry that things have progressed this far. It’s an utter tragedy.

I think you and your family are in exceptional circumstances and I can understand wanting to be there to support your son and GC while he attends to his wife, so I’d move in, too, if I could.

morethan my heart goes out to you. Do what you feel is the right thing. The long term health of your son and his family is paramount, they are all vulnerable.
These are the early days of times we have never known before, everyone is just feeling their way, hopefully we will come through this knowing we did the right thing.

Liz I think that the fact that you are asking means that you know that you shouldn’t do it, it isn’t a life or death situation so you should stay away, what if you are carrying the virus? You will go back into their home and take it with you.

Morethan you are in an awful situation, I think you have to follow your gut on this one, maybe I’ve in with them for the duration, I’m sure for exceptional circumstances you would be ok, but are you absolutely fit and well yourself?
I saw yesterday that anyone having end of life care can have one close relative with them ( in our hospital anyway) not sure if this applies to Covid 19 patients as they are sedated anyway.
I hope you come to a decision and that it all goes as well as it can for you.

Quite simply, your son-in-law should be looking after his little boy and your daughter.

It is because of heartbreaking circumstances like yours morethan that the Caring for the Vunerable exception has been made.

To move in would be best but if that is not possible then you can go to help.
If you are isolating and they are isolating, now schools are closed, then the risk is minimal.

This is truly an exceptional circumstance where support for all the family is essential.

I’m so sorry you have this to bear ?

I think I would move in with the family for the foreseeable future, morethan.

My friend was reluctant to leave the hospice but they needed the beds. This was in 2000. Do you have a partner who figures in the situation?

When my friend reached this stage she kept asking what time it was every few minutes. We got a click from the Blind society shop that told her the time whenever she wanted to know. Having some control meant she became less obsessed with it. Time must take on a new meaning when it is running out.

Is there room for you to stay with the family morethan? I am sure allowances will be made under the circumstances. Incredibly hard for you. So sorry this is happening to you and your family especially at such a horrendous time.

morethan2 I'm very sad to read of your DIL's condition.

Assuming you are in reasonable health yourself, IMO you are well within the rules to help your family - if they don't count as 'vulnerable' I don't know who does.

If you're up to it, mentally & physically I would go to your son and his family in their time of critical need.

So what advice can anyone give me.
My DiL is at the end of her terminal illness, she is newly completely blind and is totally helpless. Needs help with personal care can do nothing, absolutely nothing for herself. My son is home with her and three children, shopping can be dropped off. But the children are distressed and that’s occasionally manifesting itself as very difficult behaviour. I’m worried sick about his mental and emotional health and ability to cope. If the worst happens and it may and she ends up being blue lighted to hospital who will stay with my grandchildren. If we all stay away will the children and my DiL feel abandoned at a time they need us the most. At every turn I just fear a disaster. I’m upset and very scared now.

Petalou It is hard I know but you should stop