Gransnet forums


Selfish I know

(79 Posts)
overthehill Fri 27-Mar-20 16:59:16

One more pleasant aspect for me of the lock down, is I get to chat to my daughter in a more relaxed way and more frequently. Normally calls from her are made whilst rushing from one place to another as she is very busy with work and the kids.

As I say very selfish of me as she, like everyone else in her position, having to work from home and look after children.

Grandma70s Fri 27-Mar-20 17:02:44

So, basically, she still has work and the kids. Less commuting, perhaps?

overthehill Fri 27-Mar-20 17:24:57

Yes Grandma70s as you say less commuting and she says they are spending less

Ladychaplin19 Fri 27-Mar-20 17:40:55

I am just having to accept the fact that I’m unlikely to see my 2nd grandchild when they decide to make its entry to the world in these crazy and scary times. Whilst this is not the worst that people are experiencing at the moment, most of you will know how I’m feeling.
Friends and family are there for me, but not sharing those special moments as the newborn joins our clan , is something I couldn’t have imagined.
Many of you may be experiencing difficult times too, and actually knowing I won’t be the first or last to face difficult times, somehow is unifying. Regardless of culture status, money, or religion humans fundamentally share many of the same emotions. We find resources from ourselves and those around us if we reach out, I hope for all out there, that the days offer you glimmers of light. Kindest of thoughts to all in these challenging days.

BradfordLass73 Fri 27-Mar-20 21:11:47

What's selfish about liking more communication with your beloved daughter? Isn't that what we all value?

Enjoy it while it lasts smile flowers

Volunteer77 Sat 28-Mar-20 09:09:49

I too probably wont see my third grandchild when they arrive in June as they are two and a half hours away and I might still be self isolating. Will really miss those newborn cuddles

krazykat Sat 28-Mar-20 09:17:15

My twin grandsons were born Tuesday and all Ive had is photos of the 2 gorgeous bundles, thank goodness for the internet

Grannygrumps1 Sat 28-Mar-20 09:19:28

My first grandchild, a little girl was born on the 8th March. I’ve seen her for 10minutes. Who knows when and if I will ever see her again other than in a photo or video. I feel totally cheated. My daughter and her husband don’t want or need help but I’m sure they require support. The phone calls are getting less by the day as she says she’s too busy or her phone is flat. I’m beyond depressed and really fed up with it all. I also live on my own.

Narnia Sat 28-Mar-20 09:20:59

Ladychaplin19, I have a 6 week old Grandson I've not seen now for a week. Previously I've seen him and my Daughter virtually everyday since he was born.
Very rough start for them both and he's had a week in hospital also, so a scary time. (not corona related)
I miss them everyday, cried everyday. We facetine etc but that doesn't replace holding him or smelling his baby smell.
I work in a school, so still caring for other children which makes it worse ?

polnan Sat 28-Mar-20 09:24:03


I too live on my own, a new experience for me as dh died last Nov. never lived on my own EVER!

my gks are all growing up,, and I miss them,, dil sends me photos, and that makes me cry.. can`t work out if I am crying cos still grieving or crying cos I miss my gks

or Crying,, yes, I am keeping to the thread, just plumping it out...

crying cos I am selfish.... and only thinking of me! me! me!

but then aren`t humanbeings made this way,, selfish? not always a bad thing...we are wired this way...

HappyGrandmother Sat 28-Mar-20 09:27:52

Families who live on different continents might never get to see their grandchildren but there is technology to be used. Our daughter lives in San Francisco and we didn't meet our new Grandchild until she was 1 Yr old but we saw her via Facetime. We talk with them at least twice a week and our Granddaughter recognises us.

Harris27 Sat 28-Mar-20 09:33:21

People deal with things In different ways. Don’t beat yourself up ladies all different situations and dealt with in different ways . We just need to keep each other going and help each other in these really crazy times.

MarciaB Sat 28-Mar-20 09:42:54

I have heard more from my three children this week than
ever. Pictures of grandchildren, including the youngest who I have only seen twice. Sometimes you wonder what your children think of you, but this week they have told me they love and miss me, and to make sure I stay safe. The only think preventing this before was obviously the fact that they are like hamsters on treadmills most of the time with their work and other commitments. Bless them.

Hetty58 Sat 28-Mar-20 09:50:00

Isolation is really tough for most of us - especially when grieving.

I lost a loved one on the 11th and would never have imagined that there would be no funeral, no get together of relatives or sharing of grief.

House clearance and sale are on pause, we still wait for the coroner's report and it's like the world stands still. Next summer, perhaps, a memorial.

Carolanne557 Sat 28-Mar-20 09:51:35

I too am going to miss my first grandchild coming into the world. I was going to be her birthing partner. She has been told she has to go it alone. I know in the whole scheme of things it is minor but it is very sad for me. Unfortunately I think there is going to be a lot of people with psychological problems. I don’t think it’s selfish the fact you have more enjoyable conversations with your daughter. I think you have to grab any ‘plus’ points to this dreadful situation you can.

Txquiltz Sat 28-Mar-20 09:53:24

Grannygrumps, you don't sound selfish at all. You are adjusting to a major change in your life just as corona arrived to really muddle things, Be kind to yourself...exercise, eat well , and get your rest. I am pulling for you as are the rest of the ladies here.

Bookr Sat 28-Mar-20 09:53:59

I’m on my own in this lockdown. I can’t visit my disabled son in his residential care as obviously they can’t have visitors at the moment. I’m also profoundly deaf so can’t use telephone to speak to him.
I have no friends, I’ve tried so hard before Covid 19 happened so my acute loneliness occurred before this.
I’m unemployed due to my disability.
I don’t technically belong on Gransnet as I have no grandchildren but find it a gentler forum than Mumsnet (just personal preference).
Anyone reading this might think that being profoundly deaf puts me in an advantage because I should be used to social isolation but it really has exacerbated it. I can’t call Samaritans for example and wasn’t taught to sign or brought up in deaf community ie went through mainstream education, struggled and failed educationally.
I’m really so lonely. I do appreciate that lots of us are experiencing the same thing but I feel there’s no point to my life.
Has anyone got advice?
Please be gentle with me, feeling very fragile

maggiemay2 Sat 28-Mar-20 09:59:13

No, not selfish at all. MyDDis now at home and chatting to me more on facetime. Sadly my little GD is now 3 weeks old and I have only spent one day with her. But my daughter sends me little videos and photos on line. She has always been so busy with her work and hard to get hold of. Today she sent me a picture of some home baking, lol. I must admit I am liking the extra messages and updates.

Grannygrumps1 Sat 28-Mar-20 10:00:34

Thank you all. I’ve also recently retired. My kids are distant at the best of times and are both very high up in their chosen professions. This should be a time for joy but I just haven’t found the silver lining yet. This site helps. I don’t feel quite so alone.

Rosina Sat 28-Mar-20 10:02:24

overthehill I don't see your attitude as selfish at all. These are not the best of times for anyone, for so many reasons, and that is acknowledged. You are finding something good, a ray of light, to be pleased about. I call that resourceful and optimistic, and your daughter must be pleased to talk to you. You know this won't last forever and life will be as it was, so enjoy what you are enjoying - good for you!

Laurensnan Sat 28-Mar-20 10:03:03

I suppose it depends on how much you see your grandchildren in the first place. Some of us have had this distance put on us suddenly which is hard to accept. I have seen my two grandchildren ( age 9 and 6) practically every day so this is breaking my heart. My 6 month old grandson I saw weekly and I don't know when I'll see him again, he's changing daily. My mum died on Tuesday and as she's been in lockdown in her care home for 10 days I hadn't seen her for all that time ( I saw her 3 times a week). So I need to see my grandchildren for a hug more than ever. We are allowed to be upset and feel sorry for ourselves. That's part of being human. My heart literally aches to hug my grandchildren. I lost my son to cancer so I understand how in the scheme of things it's ok, I will see them again. It doesn't stop it feeling so painful at the moment though.

Maccyt1955 Sat 28-Mar-20 10:06:35

So sorry to hear this Bookr
Yes loneliness is a terrible thing.
I am thinking of you. flowers

Sleepygran Sat 28-Mar-20 10:08:15

My dd is the same!
I talk to her every day now! I was lucky to get a chat once a week.So I'm with you,this is definitely the upside to this virus!

Rosina Sat 28-Mar-20 10:08:46

Bookr I have just posted but then read your input. You must indeed be feeling isolated right now with all the added frustrations that this situation is making. Do you have, could you get, a mobile phone so that you can text people? I hope you have a TV with subtitles, and some books. Hang on to Gransnet - I'm sure not everyone on here has grandchildren, but it's good to communicate with 'ladies of your own age', and GNetters are kind and friendly; you are not so alone and can have a virtual chat whenever you feel the need. Very best wishes to you.xx

humptydumpty Sat 28-Mar-20 10:09:55

Bookr very best wishes to you; you don't have to be a grandparent for this forum (I hope - I'm not one!)