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I'm really Struggling

(32 Posts)
lincolnimp Sun 26-Apr-20 03:24:25

I'm sure I'm not alone, but I'm really struggling.

My OHs OCD is getting worse, and he is hardly talking. I know that it is his way of responding to the situation, but I'm beginning to feel really down.

We are self isolating due to his age, chest problems and poor mobility---and our daughter is insisting that we don't go outside of our house and garden. She is shopping for us, and doing other necessary errands.

My hay fever is really bad, so an hour pottering in the garden is as much as I can manage. I then suffer with all hay fever symptoms for the rest of the day. There is lots to do out there, and I do love gardening, just not in hay fever season.. My OH isn't a gardener, and his lack of mobility means that he he can't help even if he was interested.

He is supposed to be sorting through all his 'stuff' ready for the move---if it ever happens---and to give you an idea of what it's like, we are finding receipts for clothing he bought before we were married 47 years ago. Yes, he is a hoarder and not much is happening to get rid of anything.

Just one other little thing, literally, I am still caring for our 110th and last Foster Child. She is just 2, with Global Developmental Delay, non verbal, has ARFID, and needs to be watched every minute she is awake.

Sorry about the moan, 03.22 and can't sleep

AllatSea48 Mon 27-Apr-20 14:38:42

It does sound as if you have much to cope with. And not getting enough sleep is probably not helping you.
They say a trouble shared is a trouble halved, or something like hopefully messages here are a help to you. Sorry but I can't help with hay fever advice or how to cope with your foster child; but hoarding perhaps.
DH is so reluctant to get rid of stuff years old, (better keep it ,just in case he says). My strategy: Give him small pile to sort himself. If it doesn't get done after a few days I suggest would he like me to do it; I go through it (in case there are important legal documents) then after a couple of days suggest there's nothing really needed from pile. Stuff then gets 'filed' in the rubbish bin. He's happy, I'm happy. It works for paper, old clothes etc. Yes, I know you're having to do it in the end, but little and often isn't quite so stressful as piles of junk and old boxes.
Good luck and stay strong! flowers

Grandmama Mon 27-Apr-20 18:53:18

What a lot to cope with - I really feel for you, lincolnimp. 2 year olds are a handful at the best of times and together with your DH my heart goes out to you. flowers

Baloothefitz Mon 27-Apr-20 19:27:06

Lincolnimp you are an astounding woman.Maybe don't do such much in your garden if it leaves you feeling so wretched. Your husband being a hoarder must be very trying ,especially with a two year old.Please look after your wonderful self in these already trying times .

EmilyHarburn Tue 28-Apr-20 17:18:56

If you have Net flicks or can use your daughter's subscription on your television watch Marie Kondos 8 episodes of house tidying, with your husband. It is very interesting and gives some very emotionally positive ideas as well as a practical approach.

newnanny Wed 29-Apr-20 00:55:06

Hi Lincolnimp, I am a foster cater too snd I care for 13 year old with global developmental delay, dyslexia and many autistic traits and I know just how challenging it can be. Do you foster through an agency if so you can get lots of support. Do you have a subscription to Foster Talk counselling service. I am told they are very god. If going out into the garden makes your hayfever worse why not skip the garden on days when pollen is high and go for a walk with child instead. You could look at windows and count the rainbows you can find. If you see a person coming towards you just cross the road to avoid them. If it is too much for you to take on sorting put dh hoard leave it until lock down is over and maybe your dd would either help you or occupy child so you can fo it then. Don't worry if the grass needs cutting or other jobs in garden need doing, no one is going to see it so leave it gor now and don't put yourself under so much pressure. Just take care of yourself, dh and little one. Ring GP as they may be able to adjust your dose of hay fever medication or add another medication to it. Remember you are not alone. You can ring your dd for a chat or come on to Gransnet. I am often awake in the night as I don't sleep well either. I read a book in the night if I can't sleep. Look on the bright side, at least you are not having to home school. Try to stay positive and don't watch too much news. We just watch the 5 o'clock briefing until 6 each night.

lincolnimp Wed 29-Apr-20 22:01:16

Thanks for the suggestions that I contact our GP re my anti histamines, I agree that what I have are just not working.

Our little one is a real delight, just needs one of us with her to stop her getting into mischief---like many 18-24 month old children. I really don't need any further help from SS, we have good 2 way communication. The wonderful news is that potential Adopters have been identified, and once circumstances permit the process will really begin and she will be moving to her forever family---a wonderful outcome

We do go out into the garden everyday when the weather is fine, and little one plays on the gated decking---where we can sit and relax.

The gardening is pleasure, it relaxes me---except for the physical discomfort.

I do understand my daughters attitude. DH had a very bad chest infection last year, which resulted in tests for cancer---fortunately negative. Where we live is not the easiest area to observe social distancing, nor particularly attractive to go for a walk, the garden is peaceful and pleasant.

DH, is, well, DH>. He would never accept that he has OCD badly enough to need help. He is 79 and just is slowing down. I have helped sort many of his papers, but it goes in fits and starts.

We will get there, eventually.