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Coronavirus

Today I just want to scream.....

(58 Posts)
Anne107 Wed 20-May-20 10:22:45

Hi all, I think we all got our really low moments- some days are good and other days not so good. For the last couple of days I have felt really low. I was widowed in 2008 and live alone in a one bedroom ground floor apartment but with no garden- although if I look out of my windows I do have a bit of greenery with trees ? and enjoy hearing the birds outside and watching little squirrels having a great time running around playing. I have my buddy Shadow, my cat, to keep me company. My son and grandchildren phone often and we have a little FaceTime together. I also have heart disease and borderline diabetes which has caused me some fear in venturing out even for a little walk! And yes I keep telling myself there are hundreds worse off than myself. But some days I just feel plain low! I believe when I go on Facebook and all these people with their gardens and children playing in garden or sitting in sun with a nice glass of wine with their partners or relaxing in a jacuzzi watching their beautiful flowers blossoming just makes me feel worse. Yes, I know I sound resentful but I am sure I would be better if I just had a garden or even a balcony! I truly do not begrudge anyone who has a home with garden - I just wish I was in that position. I retired in January of this year and had plans to do voluntary work with animals (I love animals) and was also hoping to attend art classes, even looking into dog walking. That has all now been put on hold because of this damn virus. And as I have already stated above I keep telling myself over and over there are hundreds of people worse off than me - most days it works for me and I able to count my blessings but other days I just want to scream!

mimismo Thu 21-May-20 09:58:52

You need vit D to keep your mood positive. If you have a south-facing window, open it and sit facing the sun for 30 mins on days that it's possible, or east facing in the morning, or west facing in the afternoon. Don't wear sunglasses, but you can perch reading glasses on your nose so that you can sunbathe and read at the same time. I don't know if it's a placebo effect or not but when I was locked down for 6 weeks with no outdoor exercise allowed the sun definitely made me feel better. Even now I try to walk on the sunny side of the street and sit at the window when I can. Hope your mood passes soon xx

frue Thu 21-May-20 09:57:31

thanks to this website - such a comfort to know I'm not alone with negative feelings. Helps no end.

Laughterlines Thu 21-May-20 09:52:00

@Jishere

Megs36 Thu 21-May-20 09:50:21

Anne, I do sympathise,I fact just posted elsewhere in similar vein, not sure ifit helps to unload but all the best and you’re not alone ?

Coco51 Thu 21-May-20 09:50:17

Anne107 So sorry you are having a hard time of it. And don’t worry about telling us how you feel. I am very fortunate in my shielding but I think often how difficult it is to live alone. You mentioned art classes - have you thought of joining an online group? I know it is not so personal, but like being here there will be people who understand what you are going through. Having absolutely zero drawing skills I joined a colouring group lead by Johanna Basford - she does a daily live session and it's a tonic to hear her friendly voice. There may be some other facebook groups for your other interests ‘I ❤️Cats’ is one with lots of youtubes of cats doing crazy things - I don’t have a cat but would love to have one. The main thing that I hang on to is that I want to be around to hug my ACs and GCs and if it means staying away for now there is something to lok forward to - albeit a long way off ?

Jishere Thu 21-May-20 09:45:36

Have you thought about online classes? Because lots are offering these classes online and especially if you are on facebook you might see them. Although it sounds like you need a break from Facebook.
I find it silly to look at another families photos and believe what? They are all happy because they are smiling, a smile is often for the camera whilst no one is going to take photos of arguments or tears! I agree with others take a walk and sit somewhere in the sun, vit D will help.
Is there any support groups you can contact locally. I think that is the hardest thing being alone even if you are still at work, maybe we could get an WhatsApp group of lonely grans at the moment?

missdeke Thu 21-May-20 09:38:56

Anne107 I am in a similar situation to you, I live alone (am supposed to be shielding because of health concerns) with my cat Shadow, but I do have a garden and it has been my saviour. Please do try and get out for a walk. A facemask and social distancing should keep you safe enough. Sending you flowers

Dorsetcupcake61 Thu 21-May-20 09:35:55

Hi Ann,lots of good advice here. I think however much we try to plan/ entertain ourselves/ count our blessings everyone experiences the odd day when it just seems hard to be positive,to put it mildly. I experienced a day like it earlier this week when circumstances that I would normally cope with flawed me. The kindness of Gransnetters turned the day around! Hopefully tomorrows a better day. You are not alone,well yes like me you are with a cat for company,but there are millions of people experiencing the same feelings. There are lots of places to reach out for help,so please do.???

Grannygrumps1 Thu 21-May-20 09:18:32

I know exactly where you are coming from as I’m a similar situation. I had surgery in July last year and had handed in my notice to retire on the same day I told my boss about the surgery. I actually retired at the end of October but only worked a few days before I finally gave up because despite working for the nhs they didn’t want me back unless I did my full duties which I couldn’t do. May I also add I was retiring just under 3 years early.
The depression hit just after Christmas which surprised me as I had been at home really since mid July.
My kids all live local. But I hardly ever see them. My daughter was pregnant with my first grandchild.
So now the virus has stopped me doing all the things I had planned. One because I was ill, probably with the virus when baby was born. I can’t see baby and kids are all twice as busy working from home. The only silver lining is that I have outside space. I try and plan each day and make a mental list.
Who will I phone. What shopping needs to go on the list.
What cupboard needs to be cleared. I make a rule that the tv does not go on before 2:00pm unless it’s for a special reason.
I wish I could support you more and sorry I’ve gone on. I’ve come out the other side and you will to.

4allweknow Thu 21-May-20 09:18:05

As already mentioned, art classes on line. I have a friend who is similar in circumstances to you and she joined up and loves it. Also go outdoors and you can do this several tines a day now. Doesn't have to be for long each time but if you schedule a couple a day you will gave something to look forward to. It is safe outdoors if you keep your distance. Go see where the squirrels are having fun!

wendyann23 Thu 21-May-20 09:08:28

I go for a walk every day and that keeps me sane. Like you I am a widow, live alone with family and grandchildren many miles away. Luckily, I have a small garden to sit and read in.
I feel life will continue to be just existing rather than living until social distancing ends and I can see no end in sight.
But please do try and just get out every day and I am sure you will feel better. It is nice just to be able to say good morning to someone!

Nanna58 Thu 21-May-20 08:58:15

Please go for a walk Anne, it would be good for your heart disease as well as your emotional health. Could you order some herbs or plants online to grow in pots? Follow Grayson Perry’s art class online? But, and this is a big but, do you think you may be suffering from a bout of depression? Because, if you are, and believe me I know as I have been many times, even making little improvements seems monumental. If you think this may be the case a chat with your GP could help.

Luckygirl Wed 20-May-20 22:34:11

I absolutely agree that you need to go out and walk - if you feel safer with a mask or a silk scarf round nose and mouth, then do that. You also need the sunshine for a bit of vitamin D.

My DD lives in a top 2 bed flat with 3 children and would have gone bonkers by now if she had not been out walking every day.

Do take the plunge and pop out - just for a very short walk to start with. I am so glad you can see squirrels - I wish I could!

farview Wed 20-May-20 20:53:42

BlueBelle..
Yes being stuck with someone like you describe is horrendous....cant run away,stay with a friend....teeth gritted...painted smile....plus side...lots of time to make plans..

vampirequeen Wed 20-May-20 18:57:04

Please go out for a walk. As long as you social distance you'll be fine. Are you a morning person? DH and I are usually out by 7am -7.30am. There are fewer people out at that time of day around here. I don't know if you're in town or country but pick a time when less people are on the move.

MayBee70 Wed 20-May-20 18:36:40

Anne; are you on any cat lovers facebook pages? I'm on a lot of dog and horse pages and seeing puppies and all the foals that are being born really cheers me up.

MayBee70 Wed 20-May-20 18:34:29

Nannee; I've only once got to the end of a programme without falling asleep [and they're only 30 minutes long]. I do think that by season two [now running on BBC4] he might have hit the wacky backy because his colours are getting quite psychedelic and his language is getting quite groovy. Joking aside, though, I really do think it helps ones frame of mind; in fact it was proven to be the case. Anne107; I do understand what you mean about venturing outside. I do go into the garden but haven't been for a walk in weeks and I question if I'll ever be able to get on a bus or a train or go to the cinema again. If people just adhered to the 6 ft rule and wore masks I'd feel much happier. Although I do feel that we now know more about the virus and how we can avoid catching it I'm still not confident enough to venture forth.

Dottydots Wed 20-May-20 16:17:43

I know how you feel Anne. I have to force myself to go for a walk each morning to the local park but I do feel better for it.
However, today I thought I would walk to the local shops as I hadn't been there for a good eight weeks. As I drew near the shops and saw people, I had to fight back a few tears of panic. I know it sounds silly but it's after being so long with no company.

LadyBella Wed 20-May-20 16:05:40

Sending you good wishes, Anne. I am lucky in having a husband for company and a pretty garden. But I have to go out for walks every day otherwise I'd go mad. I miss my children and grandson so much and often feel like crying. I am becoming lethargic, bored and can't summon up the will to do much at all. As someone else said, you are fairly safe outside so try to form a routine of going out every day. Wear a mask if you feel more secure. Please PM me if you want a chat at any time.

AGAA4 Wed 20-May-20 15:57:54

I too live in a flat and no garden. It can be frustrating in this nice weather.
I go out every day for a walk. It really does help, Anne

Nannee49 Wed 20-May-20 15:30:41

I too am a Bob Ross fansmilehis voice is sooo relaxing. As other's have said Anne 107 please try to get out possibly wearing a mask as BlueBelle suggested. I'm a widow living alone in a ground floor flat too with DD & DGD about 40 mins away.

It IS hard to not feel a pang at the thought of my garden where I used to live or seeing my friends' posts on WhatsApp about being with their husbands and children/grandchildren dropping by so please try to not beat yourself up or feel bad about the negative emotions swirling round you on the bad days...it's not unreasonable. Hopefully, they do pass and if you can get out for exercise, even for just 10 mins, it helps to get the endorphins going and lifts your mood. thanks

MayBee70 Wed 20-May-20 15:01:36

Another Bob Ross fan here. Not because I want to paint but because I find his programmes so relaxing. On BBC 4 very late but also on catchup and u tube. If anyone is feeling a bit low I’d recommend watching him. I’d go as far as to say I’m slightly addicted to the programmes.

annep1 Wed 20-May-20 13:21:04

I think being on your own, like we are, makes it so much worse unless of course you are stuck in with someone who is cruel, indifferent, moody or angry and then we are way better off

Very true Bluebelle.

Daisymae Wed 20-May-20 13:18:38

Definitely check out YouTube for art lessons. Lots of good ideas. Try to get out to exercise as much as possible. Most people here are excellent at social distancing. Maybe trying growing herbs, rocket etc on a window sill? It's ok to feel down, no matter what your circumstances at the moment, but it's important to try to do something to improve your lot. Hope you feel better soon

farview Wed 20-May-20 13:13:00

Anne107..is there any possibility of you having a couple of large plant pots near your door..something for you to tend..and add some colour outside...maybe bee friendly plants in them...just ,also,always let off steam on here whenever you need to ??