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Daughter at her wits end!

(164 Posts)
Sophiasnana Sun 24-May-20 09:45:56

Is anyone else reaching the end of their lockdown tether? My daughter, isolating with her husband and two children aged 4 and 9, was great at the start of all this. Now, 12 weeks later, I am so worried about her. She started with yoga for the kids and her every morning, set learning times, long daily walks etc. Now, the kids squabble constantly.the eldest refuses to do school work, get fresh air, or do ANYTHING at all. My SIL works very hard from home, locked up in his bedroom/office from 8 to 6 everyday, so my daughter is virtually doing everything alone. I just think the cost to our mental health has been awful.
And before anyone starts going on about what they suffered during the war, I dont think you can compare things. We are living in different times, with different stresses and worries!

maddyone Tue 26-May-20 23:37:29

Thank you Bluecat for your very lovely words. I don’t think my daughter and husband think they’re brave, I think they just think they’re doing their jobs. I was desperately worried about them at first, especially when they didn’t have sufficient PPE and they were doing intimate examinations, but they do have PPE now, and I’ve got used to it and don’t worry as much.

Hawera1 Wed 27-May-20 03:17:44

I couldn't cope with not seeing my grandson so we arranged a meet up in a park area that wasn't blocked off. I had to.hug him for me. I figured while I was at risk with my immunity we had all been in isolation for a long time. This is in.New Zealand. We are now at level two and not far off level one. I was determined we would not catch it so.followed all the other rules carefully. Everyone is going through this all over the world. I think a visit is what you all.need.

janieuk Wed 27-May-20 09:46:57

Wow Sophiasnana, I bet you wish you’d never started this! Whatever happened to ‘be kind’?! People obviously have very strong feelings about this but my advice to you is do what you feel is right and sensible for you and your family. The majority of the population have followed the guidelines and are continuing to do so, but all situations are different and individuals need to do what is necessary to keep their families safe and also support their mental wellbeing. As you so rightly say, no one knows anyone else’s personal circumstances. I’m sure there are many people who will be put off posting on here for fear of being shot down in flames!

Truddles Wed 27-May-20 11:44:53

Do what you think is best for your family. When Bojo grows a pair and says we can all go out now, the virus will still be around. We will be just as vulnerable as we have been at the start, so what’s the difference?

NanaandGrampy Wed 27-May-20 13:03:58

But aren’t we all reaching the end of our lockdown tether? And if we all decided just to up and go out, visit grandkids and hug them etc the past 11 weeks may well have been for nothing ?

Everyone has to do what they can live with , I shall be staying home and waiting however impatiently for the rules to be relaxed .

I’d rather we all survived that. Gave in to a short term fix.

Just my opinion of course.

Sophiasnana Wed 27-May-20 13:38:44

Janieuk, thankyou for your kind words. As you say, nobody on here knows your own circumstances. A lot of people have said very nasty and personal things. We are all entitled to our opinions, but lets remember to be nice to each other!
And YES. I wish I had never started this post. It was meant to be a general ‘my daughter is struggling, how is everyone else coping’ kind of post. Turned into a political rant for some people.

MawB Wed 27-May-20 14:01:24

There were also positive and encouraging things said recognising how hard it is to be home schooling and working from home.
However some of those have been ignored.

PamelaJ1 Wed 27-May-20 14:08:01

Sophiasnana, I don’t think that it helps that the media keep telling us how dreadful it is for the children and how much they are going to be harmed and scarred for life by this disruption to their lives.

Parents must feel that if they aren’t super parents then their offspring will never amount to much and will be bedevilled by mental problems forever. What a burden to shoulder.
No doubt some will have extra problems but most won’t.

Jishere Wed 27-May-20 14:38:37

Hi Sophiasnana
I haven't read all the posts, I can only hope my advice was helpful and you have come to a solution or have already seen or going to see your daughter.

There is a trick I learnt whilst on here, not to read all posts because it turns into a battle of words and often negative commentors like to get the last word in and they don't often bring value to the original post as the thread goes off in a tangent.

Take Care and have a nice day.

TATT Wed 27-May-20 14:41:18

Apologies paddyanne, if someone has already made this point regarding your comment along the lines of if parents can’t look after their children, why have them. I haven’t read through all of the posts yet. You seem to be in the fortunate position of not knowing anyone who has become ill or sustained life-changing injuries after they’ve had children. I wish I could say the same.

paddyanne Wed 27-May-20 15:03:15

tatt then you are very very wrong .My daughter is confined to bed most of the time ,she has three children and a husband who normally works away 12 out of 14 days.They're all doing fine ,sticking by the rules and getting on with schoolwork and home learning .Thankfully Dad is home ,he normally works away 12 out of 14 days

.Even though he's home he has a stack of things to deal with ,contracts to cancel and new ones to arrange .This is the first time in years I can go to bed knowing my daughter has support on hand and I wont get a call at 2am to take her or her son who has bad athsma to hospital ,that entails a trip of almost 40 miles to pick them up and a trip of 60 miles to get them to the nearest A and E .
I know very well that life is difficult...what the OP was talking about was a normal family who cant cope with looking after children or setting boundaries for them for 12 WEEKS not several years like my daughter does .The children normally do a lot of the caring when we're not there.

Norah Wed 27-May-20 16:20:56

No, I'm not at the end of my lockdown tether. But, I can see how some may want to return to normal. Certainly everyone is allowed to their own opinions.

grabba Wed 27-May-20 20:59:44

I am delighted that people are being sensible and showing their care for others by sticking to the rules.

Few people need to work 8am straight through to 6pm, as someone else mentioned, are they doing their fair share in parenting.
No one is expected to be a teacher loads of people won't have completed the school work but all the other things being enjoyed count too.

This isn't for ever and this isn't any old flu. I too have children and grandchildren I would love to see. One will have turned from baby to toddler while the rules are in place. I wouldn't be encouraging anyone to be giving lots of hugs.

My OH is a key worker and we will be being very careful as there is the possibility that he could be in contact with someone infected and I would hate to pass this to one of my family.