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I’m at my wits end !

(129 Posts)
Beau1958 Tue 23-Jun-20 20:47:11

Now that the pubs are about to open I have had rows with my OH about him going there with his friends. We are both in our 60’s my OH is very overweight I have a lot of stomach problems and have lost a lot of weight I can’t afford to catch it. I really don’t want him mixing with lots of different people there will be no social distancing all his group of friends can’t wait again for the pubs to open. I’m helping my 40 yr old daughter with her two boys under age of two, if I get it she could too I couldn’t bear to think of the consequences. My OH says he doesn’t care about getting it. I’m just at my wits end with it all. What would you do ?

glynis1234 Wed 24-Jun-20 09:46:03

Move in with your daughter, tell him this is what you will do if he goes to the pub with his friends. Do it if he does go. This is about your life and your choices.

Buffy Wed 24-Jun-20 09:46:04

How selfish of your husband. I agree with the the very first comment you received. Move to the spare bedroom and distance yourself as much as possible during the day. I hope you have a dishwàsher and plenty of masks and plastic gloves.

Flakesdayout Wed 24-Jun-20 09:46:59

I think I would seriously consider moving in with your daughter if she has the room for you. This is going to create an awful atmosphere for you at home but you need to keep yourself, daughter and GKs safe. My partner said he was going out to test his bike with a group of friends. I told him that when he comes back he will be sleeping in his camper for 14 days and not coming into the house. He is not going.

janeayressister Wed 24-Jun-20 09:49:24

I have had it and I am a fit person much older than you. My husband who lives with me, didn’t get it. Most of us, I am assured by my children, will survive. They are Doctors working with C-19. But they have also told us not to go anywhere.
However, if you end up on a ventilator, you have a 20% chance of dying.
Separate everything out, plates knives, sleep separately ( no sex ? He won’t like that will he), wear a mask...if you leave home, you may be away for months.

Nannan2 Wed 24-Jun-20 09:49:25

Yes, i thought that, that drink & remembering to social distance dont mix well, but maybe thats why there was talk of 'maybe only being allowed 2/3 drinks?' Or only allowed so much time? Or some such? Theres been no real 'rules' allowed out yet has there, only about distancing?

sarahellenwhitney Wed 24-Jun-20 09:49:34

Most certainly move in with D.As long as it takes as H is only concerned with himself and his drinking pals..

Leah50 Wed 24-Jun-20 09:49:36

Move in with your daughter. I moved in with my son-in-law & small grandchildren when my DD was dreadfully ill in hospital with cancer, it's the younger generation who needs you....not your selfish OH!

ElaineRI55 Wed 24-Jun-20 09:50:12

That's really tough for you. Yes, he is being selfish .
Does he have any children/siblings that you could speak to about this? Would he listen to them?
It might be fairly easy to move in with your daughter if you knew how long that would be for. If you usually help to look after the grandchildren and would be doing so in the long term anyway, you may have to stay with your daughter for many months/ over a year which could obviously have consequences for your marriage. It's a very difficult decision and I think we all really feel for you.

Barmeyoldbat Wed 24-Jun-20 09:53:42

Move in with your daughter, remove all the food and leave his washing for him to do.

Sooze58 Wed 24-Jun-20 09:53:51

I agree, move in with your daughter.

Nannan2 Wed 24-Jun-20 09:55:47

Flakesdayout- I would have thought going out to test a bike would be safe enough? Bike ridings been allowed a while? So long as you're 6 feet apart from others? Wouldn't a shower & a change of clothes be enough?its not any different to going out excercising/walking.

Theoddbird Wed 24-Jun-20 09:58:41

Move in with your daughter or tell him to move in with one of his drinking buddies...simple

Coconut Wed 24-Jun-20 09:59:11

Classic selfish signs that the relationship is all about him with absolutely no regard for your feelings. Get rid of him because your feelings are equally as important as his.

NannyMags Wed 24-Jun-20 09:59:48

My vote is also move in with your daughter and grandchildren.

red1 Wed 24-Jun-20 10:01:43

are people when they have had a few too many keep to the observancies? i doubt it, move out ! or into a caravan in the garden.A tough situation for you i hope it gets sorted out.

Nannan2 Wed 24-Jun-20 10:04:38

Tell him if its so rare how come so many have had it already? And how many are dead the world over from it? And even nearly 50,000 in Britain? Theyre catching it from someone arent they? The bloody gov't are all just for the money- yes its for peoples livelihoods but what good will that be to them if they caught it from a customer anyway & died?

polnan Wed 24-Jun-20 10:08:16

I feel for you, only you can decide what you will do,, I hope it doesn`t cause you too much anguish whatever you decide.

Just know that we all care for you and yours, so please let us know what you decide..

I really don`t know what I would have done under these circumstances...

lots of prayer and cyber hugs for you.

winterwhite Wed 24-Jun-20 10:09:57

There are 10 days to wait yet aren't there?
I'd suggest dropping the subject for a bit. He won't want to lose face with his friends by staying away because you suggested it. And the friends themselves are prob facing home pressures as well.
He might be more inclined to be sensible if he decides for himself.
Or is your daughter especially vulnerable? None of us at our best with two -2s of course, but I may have missed something.

Nannan2 Wed 24-Jun-20 10:10:29

O P-Yes, make him move out instead then.i know its sad as you've been together a long time etc.but really, if he thinks so little he would risk you too then it might be the end of the road? I don't think i would think twice to be honest about putting myself first in this situation.hmm

Pythagorus Wed 24-Jun-20 10:11:53

I don’t get why men can’t have a drink at home instead of the pub. They could ask a couple of friends round and sit at a distance in their own garden. It’s the pub mentality! Never understood it! If he insists on going move in with your daughter is she will have you.

Bumboseat1 Wed 24-Jun-20 10:12:24

Your husband is most selfish! Could you ask your daughter to have a word with him. If this doesn’t work move in with your daughter and maybe he will come round

Chardy Wed 24-Jun-20 10:15:08

Perhaps if he has to prepare his own meals, do his own shopping and washing, he might see things differently.

antheacarol55 Wed 24-Jun-20 10:18:51

I would tell him to go and stay at his mates house.
Or let him sleep in a tent in the garden.
I definitely would not let him back into the house
You only have one life and you need to put yourself first

Phloembundle Wed 24-Jun-20 10:19:53

Your husband is being a selfish prick. If he cared about you at all he wouldn't risk your health.

Moggycuddler Wed 24-Jun-20 10:20:15

Ask him directly whether he doesn't care if he gets it, gives it to you and then you die. If he pooh poohs that or laughs it off, then he's just an idiot and you are better off without him. Does he know how many people have died? And if not died, been through an awful ordeal and been left with long term consequences? Specially older, overweight men.