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(63 Posts)
GagaJo Sun 02-Aug-20 19:04:41

So, other than travelling by plane twice to and from my overseas job (risky I know, but I need an income) I have been very careful. I don't go out where there are other people much. IF I have to, I wear a mask. I've seen my bloke once (after he was tested) in 6 months.

My daughter has a friend across the road. She and her husband are working from home. Daughter has been seeing her friend for the last couple of weeks. They're in a bubble (?!). EXCEPT it turns out, they're not. The woman's 2 children go to nursery.

Now the friend's family is ill. Just a cold. Except they tested today for C19.

I'm really worried. I have asthma. My blood pressure isn't high, but not far off it. I'm overweight. Oh, and I'm older.

I'm angry too. Selfish daughter. Bloody idiot daughter.

TerriBull Sun 02-Aug-20 19:58:29

I'm sorry for your anxiety GagaJo, I can imagine what a worry this must be for you. My son, thankfully doesn't live with us, but fairly nearby, has a similar cavalier outlook, maybe not going down the pub, but has been down to Bournemouth a number of times since lockdown as girlfriend's family live there. He also admits they have friends round to theirs, so I don't know where any of these people have been and am cautious when he is with us. If anything he should be careful because he also has asthma and has been hospitalised with that a couple of times. He comes round when the weather is good so we sit in the garden and argue about how he should take all this more seriously and sometimes he forgets and gets too close and whilst I feel awful keeping him at arm's length I'm not prepared to take chances. I let him in house to got to the loo only. I've let his children and our grand children in the house, as I believe fairly young children are less of a risk. Thankfully my other son isn't like this and incidentally he had a cold last week, was tested but thankfully, it was just a summer cold and hopefully that will be the case with your daughter's friends too, but yes I get angry with carefree son because we are doing our upmost to be careful.

MawB Sun 02-Aug-20 20:16:09

Don’t panic Gagajo

First of all you do not know if they have tested positive.
I assume you have been observing good hygiene yourself and your daughter has had no symptoms.
Yes be angry at other people’s stupidity but don’t blame your daughter for something which has not happened.
Not everybody who has asthma catches Covid and, not everybody who is overweight or everybody who is older.
Keep calm

GagaJo Sun 02-Aug-20 20:24:59

You're right Maw. They tested today. If they went to the testing centre I've been to, results take 24 hours or less.

I'm just annoyed with her taking risks while I'm around. I'll be gone, back to work, in 10 days, so she'll have a bit more freedom then.

Although, if my GRANDSON gets ill... Hell hath no fury like a worried granny.

Barmeyoldbat Sun 02-Aug-20 20:25:35

Deep breath Gagajo and relax, put you daughter in quarantine for 2 weeks and hope for the best. Try to tay positive.

quizqueen Sun 02-Aug-20 20:30:37

Your daughter is an adult and can do what she likes. You can travel over half a continent but you think that she cannot go across the road to see her mate!!

GrannySomerset Sun 02-Aug-20 20:35:08

Every sympathy, Gagajo. It’s maddening when you have been so careful that your daughter doesn’t take your risk seriously enough to think before she acts, but the younger age groups do not appreciate how serious this could be for us. As Maw wisely says, you don’t know whether they have tested positive.

We have had young relatives here for lunch in the garden and it has cheered me up enormously though I suppose there was an element of risk. We were as careful as we could be and there were no hugs.

GagaJo Sun 02-Aug-20 20:43:20


Your daughter is an adult and can do what she likes. You can travel over half a continent but you think that she cannot go across the road to see her mate!!

Do you ever have anything positive to say quizqueen?

Callistemon Sun 02-Aug-20 21:12:23

Has your DD been distancing when she sees her friend, Gagajo?
They may not have the virus and I thought it generally started with a cough, not a cold. There are still other viruses around and it could well be one of those.

Children may well display no symptoms. Can you make sure he plays outside and gets some Vit D from the sunshine? (Obviously not too much sun.)

Some people just don't think it will affect them, it's not real.

Iam64 Sun 02-Aug-20 21:53:26

Gagajo, try not to worry. The test results tend to appear within 24 hours. There are definitely other viruses around and hopefully, that's all it is. I was told by a doctor that 100,000 tests a day are being done, 1000 of which are positive.

I understand your frustration but honestly, have always had real misgivings about the idea of bubbles. One of our grandchildren has three grannies and grandpa's so the idea of any safe bubble with his family seems to me to be a non starter. Any contact with have with anyone is likely to be at some level of risk. Keep safe and let us know the result

maddyone Sun 02-Aug-20 23:30:34

quizqueen That comment was unnecessary. GagaJo has to travel because it’s her work. She’s very careful, and also very worried. She doesn’t need that type of comment.

Try not to worry Gaga. My two year old grandson had an extremely high temperature last week. His parents are doctors and he has to attend nursery (we now have to look after the twins as no other care for them.) Anyway the whole family had to stay at home while grandson had the test, he didn’t like it! Good news 24 hours later, negative test, he actually had tonsillitis. The magic bottle of banana medicine aka Amoxicillin, and he was as happy as Larry 24 hours later. So your daughter’s friend may very well not have the virus at all, it could just be a cold or hayfever. And not everyone who has asthma ends up in hospital by any means even if they get the virus. Keep up your very good hygiene routines. If it puts your mind at rest, wear a mask indoors. Try to be outside as much as you can. And try not to worry flowers

Nannan2 Mon 03-Aug-20 10:39:36

I think for once quizqueen is right!- gagajo is being hypocritical here! Hows she being 'very careful' yet flies back/forth? Earning or not, shes still doing it?! And there was no mention by gov't that folk in a bubble could not go out anywhere else, like nursery, school or work?- only about who you 'distance' or 'visit with' but incidentally, id still distance anyway, to be extra safe.At least theyve all had the sense to be tested, some ignore any symptoms totally.But are you sure you arent being OTT because you know it could even be you bringing it into house by the flying to/fro? Even if you get tested everytime you go, theres still 24 hrs till test results where you can pass it on, and then your daughter pass it to friend, it doesnt mean nessessarily friends child got anything in nursery, does it? This sounds like "do as i say, not do as i do".Unless youre staying home, all the time, you cant be 'being very safe' can you.So stop berating daughter for trying to have a bit of support when your not around.

Nannan2 Mon 03-Aug-20 10:42:18

Try help yourself a bit instead, by losing some of the 'overweight' then, which will probably lower the blood pressure too.

Urmstongran Mon 03-Aug-20 10:45:27

I hope the tests are negative GagaJo. You’ll be anxious waiting for the result.

Callistemon Mon 03-Aug-20 10:50:25

It's odd, isn't it, how we imagine posters.
I imagined you to be tall and quite slim, or even thin, Gagajo, long hair up in one of those messy modern buns.

My mother used to say "Don't meet troubles halfway". Easier said than done of course.

polnan Mon 03-Aug-20 10:53:29

I think I sort of agree with Quizqueen,, but as in another thread, I think we expect too much of our grown children

"ownership" comes to mind? not sure if daughter lives with you Gagajo,

not only our grown chidren appear to be selfish, but the whole human race? I just think too much at times, and try to love everyone,, not just family and friends... aren`t we ALL in this together? I could get angry at everyone... ho hum

hope this isn`t unhelpful or hurtful to anyone but isn`t this what discussion is about? sharing our views, and sometimes listening to someone else can help me sort out my feelings and thoughts...

BlueSky Mon 03-Aug-20 11:03:11

Yes Calli I imagine GagaJo tall thin with a salt & pepper pixie haircut!
I agree Polnan we don't like it if other posters don't agree with what we say!

icanhandthemback Mon 03-Aug-20 11:07:37

I sort of agree with QuizQueen to but can also see that it might be very worrying for GagaJo. Presumably when you are away GagaJo, your daughter would be completely on her own if she didn't have her friend over the road. I can appreciate you are nervous but unless she quarantines from her friend for a fortnight before your return it is unlikely you will be 100% safe. Then, as you have been sat on a plane with other potential infected people you are equally risky.
I think you have to take reasonable precautions at home with your daughter but accept that you are both in a very difficult situation which isn't easy to overcome without both of you causing great upheaval in your lives.
I hope you are venting on here and not venting at your daughter calling her "selfish". It might seem that way to you but I expect she feels that you are being unreasonable too. It might be more helpful to have a gentle conversation about how you can both avoid having to worry about this in the future; you can't change what has past.

GoldenAge Mon 03-Aug-20 11:18:41

GagaJo - Personally, I think you are being unreasonable and expecting too much of your daughter. Before retiring I too flew regularly with my job but I wouldn't do it now, and I don't think there's any employer in the UK who would expect that. You can be as careful as you want but you have no control over the fact that the air conditioning in an aeroplane is a danger as it's not fresh air that's circulated. Only 50% of the air circulated is clean, and the rest is dirty so honestly, if there's one asymptomatic person on a flight o 250 people you have every chance of being infected. That's a risk that you are taking. Your daughter is still in a small bubble meeting a tiny fraction of the people you've met on four aeroplane journeys. If you are so worried about her social behaviour then you can of course, socially-isolate yourself from her, but she has every right to say the same about you.

Jillybird Mon 03-Aug-20 11:21:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Natasha76 Mon 03-Aug-20 11:21:42

When I chat to friends on the telephone I listen to how careful they have been and how they are following the rules..... As a result of these conversations I have discovered that everybody has their own interpretation of the rules to suit themselves and their own circumstances.
Its sort of down to personal responsibility. You know how bad your own asthma and blood pressure is and if its that bad you wouldn't be flying anywhere so you have decided to take a calculated risk. The weight issue is again something that only you can decide to have a go at tackling. It seems a little unfair to heap these responsibilities onto your daughter when you are the one in charge of them. I assume she has none of these issues, so you are asking her to take the medicine you need to take because you don't want to.
I don't want to be unkind but maybe you could try to start tackling blood pressure and weight and this would help you feel more in control and less of a victim. It would be a little more constructive than being angry.
Good Luck and Take Care

TATT Mon 03-Aug-20 11:26:14

Hello GagaJo
Sorry to go off at a tangent with regard to your post, but I’m wondering whether I’ve been interpreting support bubbles incorrectly. I live alone and am in one with DC and grandchildren. They were attending school, in fact I collected them once. Have I misunderstood?

TheFrugalPiggy Mon 03-Aug-20 11:41:06

QuizQueen has a valid point. We all have a responsibility to eradicate the effects of this virus and that responsibility can come in many forms. If you are overweight go on a diet, take more exercise to improve your lung capacity, cut down on alcohol consumption, give up smoking etc. Social distancing and good hygiene is only one part of the puzzle. I don't see the point of moaning about the behaviour of others if you're not doing as much as you can to make yourself stronger and healthy.

Nannapat1 Mon 03-Aug-20 11:42:16

I agree with quizqueen and Natasha76. I am interested to know what job obliges the OP to fly abroad during a pandemic.

BibiSarah Mon 03-Aug-20 11:44:27

Jo, where I live we have a lady who is constantly on social media telling people to stay home, don't go out etc etc etc yet she can see no wrong in the fact she drives her little girl round the block every night to get her to sleep.

People now refer to her as 'don't do as Emily does do as Emily says' and whilst I'm aware of her reasons for doing what she does she's kind of set herself up for the ridicule and accusations of hypocrisy from others.

It can't be much fun getting on a plane just now and I know some of my lot who are flight deck crew have their own thoughts on the matter but life really does have to go on because Covid isn't going away anytime soon.