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Not included in DS/DIL & GS Christmas bubble

(264 Posts)
grannylancs Thu 26-Nov-20 17:23:20

Hello,

Following the latest announcement I contacted my DIL's mum to ask if this meant we were seeing them at xmas, to which she replied saying probably not as she has 2 other adult children to consider as well as DIL/DD (other adult children have no kids).

So I contacted DS asking what the plans were for over xmas and he didn't reply for a day then said they weren't sure as they will be going to DIL family for xmas. We have no other children so we were quite upset and explained this, when DIL family have other company.
They said that it was DIL family turn last year but they couldnt go as GS had a surgery so they had to isolate, so they are going this year. Also they haven't seen DIL brothers at all since March and GS is only just 1 so this is a big chunk of his life.

I pushed again that this meant we would be alone and they pointed out we should see my DM as they wouldn't be able to. Because I was upset DH rang to have 'a word' with DS and they ended up arguing and it came out that they don't trust us to be honest about when we were ill because last year we visited with the start of the cold and DIL got ill and it caused trouble for GS planned surgery (he is all well now, the surgery solved his issues). Also I got told off for messaging DIL's mum (who we are friendly with but only see for family party etc) as they said i was trying to guilt trip her.
Should we be punished for having a cold last year?! As I feel this is what it comes down to. I'm very upset and feel this is all DIL doing to see her own family.

Is anyone else being excluded like this? Please advise as we don't want to spend christmas alone.

ReadyMeals Sat 28-Nov-20 14:32:43

Who knows. I suspect quite a few of the threads on GN are "seeds" planted by journalists to get a controversy to write about, but that doesn't make it invalid. We might as well use it as an opportunity to share the wide range of opinions we all hold.

BazingaGranny Sat 28-Nov-20 15:00:08

Dear PestyOne, you sound kind and thoughtful, and I’m so sorry about your son, and also sorry that you have lost your parents.

Your decisions sound very sensible, but do please think about spending Christmas with you friends - I’ve been on both ends of the spending time with friends, and now that I’m part of a couple, as I was VERY late in marrying, we often have friends over, and we love it.

Speak soon, Carol ??

Hithere Sat 28-Nov-20 15:19:43

Ourkid1,

If we follow past patterns, they could have caught covid from anywhere but the OP and she didnt on purpose,all she wanted to see her gd and son for xmas.

Son and dil are smart on their decision

CatterySlave1 Sat 28-Nov-20 15:40:59

Well I certainly hope this isn’t a genuine post because it’s very entitled. We have our children for a short time until they are adults and then, the clues in the name, they make their own way into the world. We don’t have rights to them or their children. Any access is gifted at their discretion. Christmas is one day and frankly it’s only natural for women to be generally closer to their own mums and families than their other halves. Unfortunately that’s just reality. Express warmth, delight and interest in any interactions and invitations with them and grandchildren and they’ll know you’re supportive and interested in them.
Lastly it’s about recognising that they, like you, have the rights to make their own choices on how they live their lives and frankly you haven’t been very supportive of that fact. You’ve jepordised the health (possibly even life) of your grandson by visiting not once but twice with a cold thus delaying vital surgery and frankly I’d be furious at your selfishness for doing so if I was the parents! Whilst you’re entitled to go shopping every weekend, your increased potential exposure to Covid is obviously against their own wishes and choices for their family, which I can understand having had their child ill enough to require surgery, and it’s saddening that you can’t understand this too. Unfortunately your inability to empathise their situation and selfish attitude for believing that only your wishes are paramount will ultimately lead to you being less and less involved with them and leave you wondering what you’ve possibly done. Think on!

Madgran77 Sat 28-Nov-20 20:53:43

that’s why I said in my experience. I realise many are lucky to have not seen this.

Summerlove, that is also why I said in my experience too. Im not sure that it is that I have been lucky. More that in my case I have observed such behaviours in people from a range of generations that are made up of individuals with different personalities and character traits. I have not observed particular traits common to only one generation!

LauraNorder Sat 28-Nov-20 20:57:06

Family fun

PestyOne Sat 28-Nov-20 21:35:58

Thank you for your kind words ?

PestyOne Sat 28-Nov-20 21:38:54

Thank you for your kind words. XxX

Madgran77 Sat 28-Nov-20 22:06:35

Laura gringringrin

Dinahmo Sat 28-Nov-20 22:29:26

BazingaGranny

I am very sorry that you are upset about Christmas, but I think that you behaved very ill-advisedly last year, when you visited your family twice with a cold, within a short period of tine, despite knowing that surgery was planned.

I developed adult onset asthma after a serious dose of double pneumonia 5 years ago, and the respiratory consultant, a professor, advised me to try to keep away in future from anyone with a cold or a chest infection. If you had come to my house with a cold, I would have gone out, or at the very least gone upstairs until you had left, and so couldn’t cough or sneeze over me!

Before asthma, I would have thought this was a huge over reaction, but the ghastliness of not being able to breathe at times has made me very cautious. The professor said when I told her that my grandchildren have endless colds that it was because school and nursery staff didn’t put enough emphasis on washing hands, and she was right! And yes I do see them frequently but no, not in their very infectious stages.

You said you went twice with the same cold, and are surprised that they now don’t trust you not to take another infection into their house. I think you have a lot of making up to do, with less blaming others for your actions, and (if you are a real poster, and others have suggested that you may not be) I think you could perhaps take a long look at yourself and your quite self centred point of view.

I do very much hope you will have a good Christmas, with many joyful and lovely times with your family in the future but I think you need to be more realistic in your view of what is happening and why. Sorry, this sounds VERY tough, but colds and other URTIs can be so problematic to so many people. ? ? ?

"Asthma" drew my attention. I've been an asthmatic for about 50 years.I was also prone to colds - caught everything that was going .During the autumn/winter of 2018, no sooner had I recovered from one cold than I caught another. I live in a rural area and don't go into crowded places so I blame the French and their kissy kissy habits.I try to avoid this particular habit.

But I digress. In January 2019 an old friend recommended Vitamin D which I started to take regularly and I haven't had a cold since. Also my asthma is a bit better - I'm not using my Ventolin quite so much. ( I am someone whose asthma is severe and have a nebulizer at home)

I've also read that Vitamin D is being recommended as a protection against covid.

jocork Sun 29-Nov-20 13:08:47

Our doctor regularly posts updates on the local village facebook group and he recommends supplementing with vitamin D especially in the winter when we don't get the sun on our skin to make it. I supplement all year round as I suffer from the heat so try to stay out of the sun in hot weather. Vitamin D levels have been found to be low in many people who have been hospitalised with covid so definitely worth taking a daily supplement!

yogagran Mon 30-Nov-20 16:39:16

I haven't read all through these posts because, personally, I don't see what all the fuss is about for just one day. Why can't people be sensible and celebrate together another time. I'm looking forward to Easter as our Christmas is cancelled

Daddima Tue 01-Dec-20 15:32:53

LauraNorder

Family fun

I like it!