Not included in DS/DIL & GS Christmas bubble

Agree with Suzie it’ll be just the two of us too, and we’ll make the most of it. ?

My jaw dropped a little bit

Re (the cold): You are very, very, very wrong - no wonder trust is gone.

Did I read it right surgery got pushed due to the cold?
You are so lucky they still talk to you.
Infants and sick people are not a good match
Infants + surgery + sick people are even a worse combination. Very irresponsible on your part.

"They say they were staying inside but I think DIL was still seeing people secretly."

What your dil was doing is none of your business.

Please do not suggest meeting in Easter. It is an overkill to book something 5 to 6 months in advance + your pushy behaviour + pandemic.

OH has made the decision that we will not have our son, his partner and my 4-year old granddaughter plus our daughter for Christmas. Our younger son will be here as he has been staying with us during the pandemic. I am not happy but must abide by his decision. So, son has been told but daughter is not answering her phone. I will still visit them, with younger son, probably on Christmas Eve with their presents, and keep my distance etc.

Grannylancs, I’m sorry but I think you are being totally unreasonable. You say that you are going shopping and having coffee with friends, to me that says you are not being that careful. Your DIL sounds as if she is being very cautious and if I were her I wouldn’t want to be seeing someone who is not being as strict as she is. As you say her family are as equally as strict.
She is also probably worried about your attitude after you visited with ‘only’ a cold and surgery had to be put off. I would have been extremely upset with you. You have proved yourself to be unreliable.
You sound like you are sulking that you have only had garden visits. We are all in the same boat aren’t we? I had a new grandchild born in April but I’ve only seen him once and they only live 20 minutes away. We HAVE to do what is safe and best for them and ourselves.
You have wound everyone up so that your husband had a row with your son. Not a good thing to do.
You are fortunate that you still have your husband, enjoy a good Christmas with him and just wish your son and family well. If you turn it further into a huge problem/competition for attention you will lose out. No one wants to be with a cross mum or grandma. Smile and be generous in spirit and you might get a nice visit sometime.

Oh dear I dint wAnt to be mean but last year you had only seen new baby 4 times.....4 times ??? Do you stop to think about those of us with far away families ? And you had a cold !
As for pushing to be invited for Christmas I’d rather stick
Pins in my eyes. I wait until I’m invited, end of story.
Embarrassing to seem so needy.
Its one day fior heavens sake.
Sorry grannylancs but that’s how I feel.

Don’t. Not dint

I can totally understand your feelings, but just try to push them into the back of your mind, and focus on this year, and the chance to see your mum. Remember....all of us are in the same position. It may look like others have a ‘ better’ time, but for them, it may be very difficult. We have four children, seven grandchildren. We’ve got to halve it. It may be covid isn’t responsible for some of your family problems, but one step at a time. Let’s get this thing sorted and hopefully gone....and then other issues can be perhaps put right, but please leave it now....for the greater good. Have a lovely, peaceful time?

Since my children have grown up I have just gone along with what they want to do, they are adults with their own lives. Sometimes this has led to lonely Christ masses, but I would rather that than falling out. I am already estranged from one daughter. I realised early on that my lovely DIL needed to see her mum at Christmas and my son would fall in with her. My older DD does not really do Christmas and anyway with a young baby is desperately worried about the virus.

You can have other days with your son and grandson if you let this go, but if you keep on at them you may end up estranged and that is a permanently lonely place to be.

Why did you think you would be in their bubble, when you must know that your daughter in law hasn’t seen her brothers since March, of course she will want to be with her family.

My sympathies are with your son in this scenario, he can’t win whatever happens. I think you’ve behaved badly, and however hard it is for you (not as hard as it is for others who are alone), you must remember that his first loyalties are to his wife - if I were you I would get off his case and wait for him to offer for you to meet them again.

i have only spent 2 christmas days away from my own house, never had family over as when my son was small i always thought it was unfair to give him all these presents then take him out, my partner of 17 years have an extended household so we will be together, my son and his family will face time me and will probaly go to my daughter in laws dad or sisters, it is only one day and not worth falling out over, if they do or had changed there mind it would make for an uncomfortable day if they felt they had been forced into it, enjoy your husband, eat what you want and have a nice day

Don’t make Christmas a war zone for your son. I loathed Christmas when all the parents were alive, there was always a row at some point. Your son has a family and together they need to make their own traditions.

grannylancs your further explanation about the cold, last year, shows you to be very selfish, also small-minded with your comment about DiL.

You need to see things from your DS and DiL's perspective, not only from your own.
You can do that if you try.

Exactly what Lucca said.
To the OP I would ask: aren't you embarrassed that you pushed again Appearing needy is not an attractive trait.

You went to your son's last Christmas with a cold knowing your Grandson was having surgery. I do think that was a selfish action on your part.
Your son now does not trust you and you have to earn that trust back.
My partner and I are on our own Christmas I am looking forward to it.

Surely this isn't for real! If this were mumsnet this post would be reported as a troll!

Because I was upset DH rang to have 'a word' with DS and they ended up arguing and it came out that they don't trust us to be honest about when we were ill because last year we visited with the start of the cold and DIL got ill and it caused trouble for GS planned surgery (he is all well now, the surgery solved his issues)

As a result of the above there were problems with GSons surgery. Whether they caught the cold from you or from someone else is not actually relevant., What is relevant is that you went over there with a cold, when you knew GS was due to have surgery! That was an inappropriate thing to do

Making a fuss, pushing and arguing is not going to change anything, if anything it is likely to cause longer term bigger problems sadly. You may not like their decisions but it is their decision.

I do understand how this might be hard to accept but accept it you must I think. Try to focus on enjoying a Christmas together or with your Mum.

I think you need to tread carefully going forward or you will be seeing a lot less of your son and his family. He gave you good reasons for not visiting at Christmas and, when pushed, let you know that you are losing their trust.

It is not a small thing to visit someone with a cold and have that result in surgery being pushed back. I would be annoyed at that. As for saying you think DIL was seeing people secretly, that reveals a lot about your feelings for DIL and what kind of person you think she is.

Now your husband has argued with your son about Christmas and their reasonable decisions. I would think your overall relationship is on slippery ground and you are at risk of estrangement if you don't back off a bit.

Your son is now grown, has his own family, and can't be in two places at once. We don't always need to like the decisions they make but we have to accept that they are theirs to make, not ours. Enjoy Christmas with your Mum. Due to circumstances my parents will be alone on Christmas and I think they will just be enjoying a quiet day together with a phone call from us.

Hi there everyone.
I'm new here, but decided to join up after reading this post about 'alone at Christmas'.
I was a single mum and had many many Christmases alone with my son as my parents chose to go on holiday every Christmas.
I always went overboard with presents for him to compensate for not having a dad (no contact) or grandparents around like other families. My Son 'went off the rails' a few years ago and I cut contact with him for my own sanity and safety.
I went on holiday at Christmas with my parents a couple of years (me aged 45 / 46 at the time) and completely ignored the fact that it was Christmas.
My Mum died in 2012 when I was 46 and this brought my son 'back into the fold' for a short while; with him, dad and myself having an exotic Christmas in Sri Lanka.
My Dad chose to go travelling the world for a few years, so I never saw him at Christmas for 5 more years!
My son and I had Christmas alone in 2013, but he slipped back to old ways shortly into the new year.
During this period, my son 'went off the rails again' with police, court officers, debt collectors, etc coming to my home to try to find him on several occasions!
I managed to track him down early December 2014, obviously to make sure he was alive and OK, only to be told "I'm living my life the way I choose, so leave me alone. You've had your life and I want my life to be mine".
As you can imagine I was relieved to know he was safe, alive and well, but devastated that he didn't want me around (for absolutely no known reason).
My dad was still travelling, I was pretty much suicidal and how I got through Christmas Day completely alone; I don't know!
I was too embarrassed, ashamed and proud to tell friends what had happened.
I spent 2 more Christmases alone, but filled the emptiness by volunteering at homeless charities.
For Christmas 2017 and 2018; I went on holiday with Dad - we had great times.
Dad died in January 2019 - after a week a searching a tracked my son down to let him know that his Grandad had died; only to be told "thanks for letting me know, but don't expect me to at the funeral - go away and leave me alone"!
2019 was a very tough year and Christmas day was spent alone; eating chocolates and watching TV.
I have lovely friends who know the truth and have invited me to theirs for Christmas many times, but I prefer not to be 'pitied' or feel self conscious around 'normal families'.
I inherited the house I was born in after Dad died and finally moved here after selling my own home (75 miles away) in July.
I've managed to find a new job, avoid the virus and stay relatively sane.
I've always been close to cousins in Scotland (more like friends really), but lockdown, travel restrictions, etc has only allowed me to visit them once and them come to me once this year.
Visiting Scotland for Christmas is not possible as my closest cousin is nurse and working on Christmas day.
The other cousins have families of their own to 'share' Christmas organising with, so I'm completely alone again.

I'm extremely isolated, with no friends here yet, no contact with my son and no living / close by immediate family.

I've resigned myself to yet another Christmas Day alone, but can't even look forward to volunteering this year, so I've decided to treat it like any other weekend and have a lazy Sunday and ignore, block out and not think about what day it is.

I worry about and miss my boy, but I can't go through what he put me through previous years, so won't go looking for him ever again.

I don't want pity or sympathy; just wanted to give some perspective on other 'Gran's' upset about Christmas day being just them and their other half - you are so fortunate to have someone in your life - treasure the time with them and enjoy each others life, health and company.

i would be avoiding you too, as you seem to take unnecessary risks, including with other people's health.
your son and his family and in-laws are appropriately careful. they are all on the same page.
why should they disrupt that by indulging you, when you have already shown a cavalier attitude to even a small infant's health and well-being.
they were trying to be tactful as to why they wanted to swerve you this year, but you got your husband to have a row about it, and then your son was pushed to reveal all the ill feeling from last xmas.
and still you don't apologise.

LovelyCuppa - I'm with you, struggle to accept this is a genuine situation. If it is, then I suggest you back off OP. It isn't all about you.

You won't be alone, you have a husband you live with and a mother you could visit if you chose to. She is the one facing Christmas alone.

You deliberately went to see a newborn when you were ill; you choose to ignore reasonable requests to stay away, and in doing so endangered a vulnerable infant by infecting it's mother, caused necessary surgery to be postponed and ruined last Christmas for your son and his family. I don't see that you have anything to be surprised or indignant about.

Exactly seakay.

PESTYONE. ?

Thanks you for posting that PestyOne.

PestyOne Reading your post made me feel quite sad but you seem to be improving your life (apart from your son) I hope that you don't blame yourself for the way he's turned out.

Don't turn down invitations from friends because you think they feel sorry for you. If they are good friends I'm sure that would not have been the case.

It is funny how many people don't like to invite singles for dinner when they have other guests. As far as I'm concerned it isn't necessary to have an even number of people.

Best wishes for Christmas.