Coronavirus Christmas - oops I may have seriously upset SiL!

I'm sick of hearing people complaining that their mental health will suffer if they don't keep socialising irrespective of the fact that they are potentially spreading the virus. They don't know the meaning of the word mental health! I'm a retired mental health nurse and have nursed seriously ill patients who truly are mentally ill and their suffering is awful, often keeping them hospitalised for months or even years, through no fault of their own. Mental health has become a popular topic over recent years, and its a good thing there is more awareness. However the majority of the population have much milder forms and they have the means to overcome it. We have social networks via the Internet, Skype, phones, etc etc. We can walk safely outdoors and say hello to our friends and neighbours. Yes we all miss our family, especially grandchildren but we know its not going to be forever. These people who say they have to carry on breaking the rules to protect their 'mental health' should stop being so selfish and think of what spreading the virus is doing to other peoples health ....including killing them.

You absolutely did the right thing Daftbag1.

My daughter and I have been caring for our elderly neighbour. She also has a home help twice a day for half an hour. She’s been housebound since 2019 and we do everything we can for her. We’ve explained every step of the way about covid and what is expected of us all.

We bubbled with her and no-one else to keep her safe as she has an illness which causes low immunity, so she’s very vulnerable. My daughter also has severe asthma so also vulnerable.

All going smoothly until the beginning of December when she called to say her friend she hadn’t seen for a couple of years had popped round and they’d had a lovely chat for a couple of hours!

I think I had steam pouring from my earholes at the end of the conversation. Told her that we wouldn’t be able to see her for two weeks as she may have picked up Covid from her friend. She wasn’t happy at all and we had tears and tantrums, and even attempts at blackmail. She’s 81.

But I wasn’t going to put my daughter at risk of picking it up because of her stupid actions of allowing her friend (who happened to be passing so it wasn’t even a planned visit!) to go in.

Stand proud, you’re following the processes.

Stay safe

You did the right thing.

Sad and angry - has she not heard of the terrifying way the numbers infected are increasing - yesterday 40 thousand plus NEW cases in one day. I only wish she was very unusual, but from what I hear and see very many people are making the bubbling up to please themselves.

She is a selfish idiot. I am so sick of ignorant folk thinking the rules don't apply to them. My neighbour had families from Tier 4 and Tier 3 staying with them before Christmas. (We're Tier 3). They then went to relatives for 3 days over Christmas. The arrived home on Boxing day and had several visitors. Yesterday their daughters and children arrived again from Tiers 3 and 4 and are staying for New Year! Apparently people who wipe down their shopping etc are paranoid. I've lived next door to them for 40 years and always regarded them as sensible law abiding people. How wrong can you be.

I am torn by these various opinions - the rules changed very suddenly and dramatically. We were given loads of presents by other members of the family to distribute to children and grandchildren. We distributed them - staying outside- Neither of us has been out much apart from usual shopping , doctors , chemists and golf when allowed. We have also had Covid in March/April. Took me a while to recover but I did. It was caught on a routine visit to a hospital in late February when the virus was rampant round here but no one was aware of it. Therefore we and several other members of the family are not part of any statistics - there were no tests - therefore I am very sceptical about the hype and the graphs that are repeatedly shown us. It was clearly very much worse in March/April than is represented. Don’t ask me why but I now feel safer. I use a mask and take all the required precautions. We are both described as CEV by Matt! We receive countless messages telling us we are vulnerable- I am slightly fed up with this- it is honestly just words and does nothing to help. I have to agree with the lone voice on this conversation That the handling of the situation has not been terribly efficient and judging by those letters we receive - patronising and lacking in wisdom and action. It isn’t really fair I suppose to criticise because it is an extraordinary problem- who could have done better? But I do think most of the cabinet could do with a spell in the army and also consider consulting with some of those much older and wiser people who have seen so much more in their lives and who they describe continually and with as much exaggeration as possible - vulnerable. Or in our case - clinically extremely vulnerable. Yes - hype it up - why wouldn’t you - ground breaking - world class - sorry but I am sick of it.

Well done for speaking up! Harder to do with in laws than our own relatives somehow.

I hope her neighbours are aware of how many others she is visiting. It’s been an eye opener to see how irresponsible and selfish some people can be.

I wonder how many friendships/relationships will be permanently damaged as it may be difficult to ignore the sheer ignorance of people we once trusted.

I would love to go and see my boyfriend - I've seen him once since March. He lives alone, I'm with my elderly parents (92 & 89). His bubble is with his brother & family who live nearer.

Someone said to me, why don't you go? No one will know.

I wouldn't do that because that's how the virus spreads. The more contacts you have the more likely you are to pick up & spread. Yes, people need to go to work, but 'social' gatherings without care & precautions are what's keeping this thing going.

It's my birthday next week. For 30 years I've always spent it with Peter, or at least a week with him in January. This time I won't. So many of us are making small/major sacrifices, but it's all in vain as long as some of us are blindly selfish.

Well done you Daftbag1 xx

She's wrong, not you, you say she is an intelligent woman, before she's acting like that, she's not that intelligent.

Some people may not agree with government rules, that is their right. Its not my job to police this but agree or not you have to follow rules for everyone's benefit. Don't let other people infect you if you can help it. At least those of us who live alone can form 1 bubble, but we must take the consequences if we break the rules.

Taliya

I think that's quite cruel of ypou. People living alone have really suffered during this Pandemic and being sociable and having social contact is more important in my book but that's just my opinion because I disagree with a lot of what this government has done .

Having social contact which could kill or cause long-term health effects is no justification.

The SIL is tweaking the rules to suit her. No wonder we're not clearing the virus out of society. The figures at the end of the first lockdown were so positive, and I really thought people had taken note. But no, parties, gatherings, holidays, going into more than household's house, etc, etc.

I don't agree with what a lot of the government's done BUT there's no reason that some of the public acting like idiots.

Daftbag1 - you can see from the majority of responses that many feel you did exactly the right thing. Perhaps others will feel confident to do similar if the situation arises.

Eh? What? Surely thread should be How my sil upset me?!!? Scandalous!

You were absolutely in the right Daft. I hope you SIL will get a bit of lunch at one of t he other places she is going to, to stop you feeling guilty.

Regardless of what you, Taliya, think of the way the government is handling the situation (personally think it is appalling but..) I do wish people would stop trying to bend the rules to suit their own wants (not even needs) and listen to the scientists. Go to the WHO website for impartial REAL information and follow the sensible guidelines. Stay at home, don't spread the virus. It's not difficult in all but the most serious cases of mental illness or elderly people not able to care for themselves perhaps. Yes it is miserable, yes it's boring but unless people stop thinking they can 'get away with it' the virus will be here for years. You did the right thing, you offered, you withdrew, totally understandable and within your rights to take care of yourself, your husband and the rest of us. A warm and heartfelt Thank You to everyone who has had to make these sacrifices

You were brave and correct in your decision. Others invokved in all your SiLs "bubbles" should do the same. Totally irresponsible. Is she aware she could be fined?

You did the right thing. Don’t be embarrassed or feel guilty. It’s very inconsiderate, not to say foolish, of your SIL to behave like this. Sadly, I see all my neighbours with various visitors coming and going and I’m in Tier 3 probably about to move into Tier 4.

Please dont feel guilty. I hope she reflects on what you said. We all must assume we have a virus that can be caught from us despite our social circumstances and protect those around us. Wash hands, wear our masks correctly,Yes indoors if needs be and,Keep our distance, . Yes its really hard not having the same relationships we did, no house visits and only socialising outdoors. But we are here..many have lost their life or are suffering long term effects. If we respect anything in this world respect that the virus can survive unless we stop giving it a chance to do so and then we can all have a better time of things in the future.xxx

Honestly, some people just don’t get it! Thavirus doesn’t take a day off just because it’s Xmas or new year, just take a look at the news! I swear some people just don’t watch the news because they say it’s depressing! Sure it is but we have to keep ourselves informed and up to date with reality. To be furnished with information gives us the facts so that we can make sensible decisions. I think the government should show more suffering on the COVID wards to the public ! THAT WOULD RAM IT HOME!

Don't feel guilty. You did the right thing.

I have a silly friend who is wandering about all over the place. She doesn't follow the news and is completely ignorant of what's going on.

She left a Tier 2 area to go to London, Tier 4, to get her daughter home for Christmas. She won't wear a mask. She's a blithering idiot.

She's not coming to my house any time soon.

Silly old goose of a woman. She was lucky you didn't tell her to get stuffed....

Well done, hard though it is you did the right thing, no need to feel guilty. We saw none of our family over Christmas as they are all key workers and they didn’t want to risk us catching it from them. They take risks at every shift and I worry for them so much and it’s people like your SIL who ultimately make their lives so much more difficult and increase the risks to everyone.

Say safe.

Daftbag1 you did the right thing. You withdrew your invitation. You should stop feeling guilty and be glad you were brave enough to speak up. It just needs the first person in the chain, at her first visit place, to advise in a day or two that they are coronavirus positive and everyone in the chain will be affected and possibly one or two will die.

I am so heartened to read all these replies to Daftbag1. I thought I was in the minority being paranoid and sticking to the rules. I too have been laughed at for refusing invitations and visits from friends, they persist in messaging re coffees or lunches. I now just reply with ‘roll on the vaccines’.

You were totally right. I had to say no thankyou to one invite and explain no playdates to another family.
But this lady was majorly taking the p