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Coronavirus Christmas - oops I may have seriously upset SiL!

(155 Posts)
Daftbag1 Mon 28-Dec-20 17:27:27

Xmas eve DH's, DS turned up with Xmas gifts (and that's another story), she's single, late sixties but still working and because we live close, we are her bubble. Anyway, she was due on 25th for lunch so I was a little surprised to see her but tum te tum, she's a bit like that.

Anyway, I made her a cuppa and we sat down for a chat, during which she informed me that before coming to us, she was going to see her neighbours on either side, then one daughter for a mince pie, before going to the other daughter's for present exchanging. I thought she was planning to doorstep them all but as she spoke, it became clearer that she was actually going in to all these places.
I expressed my surprise and concern, as we are a Tier 4 area, and in addition we are meant to be her bubble. At this she laughed saying 'im a poor vulnerable old lady and entitled to my bubble's'! I explained that she could only have one bubble, and that she needed to make a choice. I also pointed out that she would not be able to get to all these places and be back for lunch. 'Oh but you will wait for me'!
I'm afraid at that point, I decided enough was enough, and politely told her that I was withdrawing her invitation for Xmas lunch and that I wasn't prepared to risk having her round and placing us at risk. I also suggested that she might want to take a minute to read the rules.
Sadly, I suspect that she is not alone in continuing to live without any concern about who she is placing at risk. She is an intelligent woman, and yet she behaves in this way. The worst of it all, is that I'm now feeling guilty!

Smileless2012 Mon 28-Dec-20 17:31:50

There's no need for you to feel guilty Daftbag as she was potentially putting you all at risk and of course herself too.

Jaxjacky Mon 28-Dec-20 17:32:18

You were and are quite right, I’m fed up with hearing these tales, cross and embarrassed some are people I know. Multiple bubbles, just popping in for a cup of tea, crossing tiers, absolutely pig sick of it.

Patsy70 Mon 28-Dec-20 17:41:03

No need to feel in the least bit guilty, Daftbag1. You did the right thing, without a doubt. We’re hearing more tales like this all the time, where people refuse to accept the evidence of this dreadful virus, and ignore the strict rules. angry

Ilovecheese Mon 28-Dec-20 17:41:48

I think more people should do as you have done, Daftbag1 people who continue to do exactly as they please because they don't think they could possibly be responsible for spreading the virus, need to be told that they are not immune, and nor are the people they are meeting. But unless they actually feel a consequence i.e. the removal of an invitation, why should they think about changing their behaviour. You are not the one in the wrong here.

mokryna Mon 28-Dec-20 17:42:24

You did the right thing. You have to protect your family.

Lexisgranny Mon 28-Dec-20 17:46:12

Your SIL appears to value her own health lightly, but she should consider that of her brother and of you. Let us hope that by you sensibly withdrawing your invitation she will encouraged to consider her cavalier attitude. We all need to take responsibility for not only our own health, but how our actions may affect others. Well done you, for having the courage to take a stance, you have nothing to feel guilty about

ginny Mon 28-Dec-20 17:54:39

Don’t feel guilty , you are right. If she won’t consider the risk to you then it’s her loss.

silverdragon Mon 28-Dec-20 18:00:34

You did absolutely the right thing.

Who knows it may, unlikely but lets hope so, get through her thick skull that these rules/regulations are there for a reason.

Callistemon Mon 28-Dec-20 18:00:40

'im a poor vulnerable old lady and entitled to my bubble's'!

She's not old, still working, gadding about and doesn't sound in the least bit vulnerable. Just irresponsible.

I hope she had a crust of bread and a bit of mousetrap cheese for her Christmas Day lunch, though - I'm sure you wouldn't want her to go hungry, Daftbag.

PJN1952 Tue 29-Dec-20 09:40:36

You did the right thing and SIL will get over it. My partners 2nd year student GD went home to mum on Xmas Eve after working in retail for 2 weeks in a big city and then saw 12 members of the family over 2 days! She didn’t get a Covid test (no time) and assures everyone she doesn’t have it. I am so glad my 82 yr old partner saw sense in October, cancelling his trip up to DD for Xmas hols. Happy New Year everyone!

Rosina Tue 29-Dec-20 09:40:44

You were absolutely right; if she wants to become really ill, at a vulnerable age, that is her choice, but her spectacularly selfish behaviour could kill others - we all know it has happpened. The NHS is struggling badly right now we are told, due to people who seem to think like her, and you have wisely protected yourself and those in your home.

Moggycuddler Tue 29-Dec-20 09:43:39

She was behaving like a total irresponsible idiot. It's her who should be feeling very bad and guilty now, not you. Whenever you start to feel a bit guilty, think about how you would have felt if you had allowed het to do what she had planned and then your husband or another family member had got the virus from that day and died. You were protecting yourself and your family. She was showing that she didn't care enough about you/them.

Taliya Tue 29-Dec-20 09:45:25

I think that's quite cruel of ypou. People living alone have really suffered during this Pandemic and being sociable and having social contact is more important in my book but that's just my opinion because I disagree with a lot of what this government has done .

grannygranby Tue 29-Dec-20 09:45:35

I agree she is not alone. My daughter's in-laws; in mid-eighties just don't think it applies to them. eg he was telling me how someone they hardly knew from bridge club had knocked on their door with house warming present he was confused because she wasn't a friend...I said that's OK just a neighbourly didn't let her in though. Of course we did he said as if I didn't know my manners.

vintageclassics Tue 29-Dec-20 09:46:23

You are 100% in the right and have no need to feel guilty - I think I'd have let her know she is one of the reasons that you are in tier 4 - what a selfish stupid woman your sister-in-law is!

Hetty58 Tue 29-Dec-20 09:46:36

Daftbag1, you did absolutely the right thing.

It's quite amazing that so many intelligent people seem to be in complete denial.

It's not that they don't understand the rules. Somehow, they think that they're above them - or some 'special exemption' - for the silliest of reasons.

We are trying to save lives, our own and others. Nothing is more important than that!

Rumpunch Tue 29-Dec-20 09:48:29

All the health bit aside. In a normal year when popping around would have been acceptable, the fact that she would be late for dinner and expect you to wait for her is very rude.
That by itself is unacceptable and unreasonable behaviour. If I invite people for lunch I don't expect to guess what time I can serve because of a selfish inconsiderate guest.

Harris27 Tue 29-Dec-20 09:48:50

I have one sister on her own and she’s been strict of the rules and she lives alone. I invited her for Christmas Day and she came as we are her bubble had a lovely day but she even refused to play board games as Boris advised against this! So we watched a film.?

Callistemon Tue 29-Dec-20 09:49:52


I think that's quite cruel of ypou. People living alone have really suffered during this Pandemic and being sociable and having social contact is more important in my book but that's just my opinion because I disagree with a lot of what this government has done .

No wonder it is increasing.
We'll never get on top of this if people keep socialising.

You did the right thing, Daftbag.

Hetty58 Tue 29-Dec-20 09:53:26

My own sister and my best friend have (only just recently) stopped laughing at my 'paranoid overreaction' and 'hermit-like existence' due to the virus threat.

They have taken the mickey and put me down since March. I've been quite upset about it.

They have 'adjusted/translated' the rules to suit themselves, of course.

Graygirl Tue 29-Dec-20 09:54:19

Well done, DD lives 500 yards away only saw them for 60 mins on the day . GS was 14 on 26th video call . They maybe our care bubble a roll 18 year old GD takes on ,coffee every Wednesday at 2PM all other time and of phone

NanmaFreeman Tue 29-Dec-20 09:56:27

Turn it round in your mind.She is at fault not you.She should've feeling guilty as she was considering putting you at risk. You've done what is right. I know two ladies over 70 who have decided not to visit their daughters and families although it made them lonely and sad for the day. Please don't be made to feel that You did anything wrong.

jocork Tue 29-Dec-20 09:59:00

My DD has suffered with fragile mental health as a result of worrying that she will make someone else ill by catching the virus and being asymptomatic. She has been so careful throughout, mostly working from home but having to go to work occasionally.

One of her close friends from schooldays was behaving a bit like your SIL which really upset her so she was relieved that a few days before Christmas she was pinged by the covid app and was forced to isolate! We both agreed that it was for the best as she would otherwise have risked her parents both of whom have serious medical conditions.

My DD bubbled with responsible friends in Glasgow where she lives and had a nice day. I spent the day alone as I'm 400 miles away and most of my friends have their own bubbles. Neither of us would have seen her school friend but we were concerned for the people who would have, and angry that she was prepared to bend or break the rules in that way.

You did the right thing, but it must have been hard for you to do. If more people were prepared to speak out about irresponsible behaviour we wouldn't be in the situation we're in at present with the NHS at imminent risk of being overwhelmed!

Spec1alk Tue 29-Dec-20 09:59:40

We saw non of our family over Christmas and when my son and dil came yesterday to deliver a chair we stood in the garden to talk to them. You did the right thing. Keep yourself safe, it’s all you can do!