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Starting to feel really stressed and would appreciate some advice

(37 Posts)
Semiruralgirl Sun 12-Dec-21 00:39:03

I’m in a quandary and would appreciate some advice. Briefly my DH’s son and family who live in Thailand have just arrived today in UK for Christmas. They had to test before they left and when they arrived today had to test again and isolate until they get the result possibly in a couple of days. Before they set off they seemed to think they could come directly to us after they landed and isolate with us, but I pointed out to my DH that ‘isolate’ meant isolating on their own. This was resolved by them fortunately being able to stay in an empty flat in London. When their result comes through they will then come to us for a few days. My DH will host a party at the end of next week for all of his family, their wives and children amounting to about 12 people in all. However I was taken aback today when I heard that the family from Thailand had been met at Heathrow by another member of the family (who will be attending the family party next week) who drove them from the airport into central London to the flat where they are now isolating (I thought they would have got a taxi) - thus defeating the whole object of isolating upon arrival until they received their results - no doubt they will have hugged each other when they met, as they haven’t seen each other for over 2 years. My DH seemed unconcerned by this when I pointed it out. I am concerned however and suggested that everyone who is coming to the party should take a lateral flow test, including ourselves, just to make sure. I feel my DH is reluctant to do this and I feel awkward about insisting as they are not my children and I don’t want to be interfering. It’s just that we’ve been very careful through the epidemic, and we’ve had our booster jabs, we wear masks, socially distance etc and as this new variant is apparently highly infectious, I do think we should be really careful. I am starting to feel really stressed about the whole thing.

Doodledog Sun 12-Dec-21 00:54:40

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask everyone to take a test. I was at a friend's house the other evening, and she asked everyone to do a test. There were only four of us and we have all been very careful, but all the same, it only takes a few minutes and put her mind at rest, so nobody minded at all.

crazyH Sun 12-Dec-21 00:57:40

Aren’t you being a bit paranoid? We’ve just spent a day in a Hotel , staying overnight……the lobby was packed. The tables were fully booked. Patrons were milling around. I had my covid pass but no one checked it. No one checked anything…lateral flow results, nothing. I think this Covid business is gone really far. How are we going to get an immunity, if we are going to isolate ourselves? Have a nice time with your visiting family. I have been a fatalist. I am in the here and now. Majority won’t agree with me…

MissAdventure Sun 12-Dec-21 01:02:12

Ask them to do a lateral flow test, and all being well, just relax.

Teacheranne Sun 12-Dec-21 03:56:05

Hopefully my sister is arriving here on Wednesday from the US. She is having a test on arrival at the airport to hopefully get a quick result but in the meantime she is staying with me. I will isolate with her until her result comes through, if negative, all will be well and the rest of the family can come round. If it’s positive, I’ll have to isolate with my sister for however long the rules state - ten days if the new variant but not sure otherwise.

There is no way would I expect my sister to stay in a hotel on her own for a couple of days, we intend to take frequent tests before all family gatherings and visits to mum in her care home and are not planning to go to the shops, cinema, theatre or any large gatherings so hopefully all will be fine. Luckily I don’t have any hospital appointments until mid January, I had an MRI scan yesterday and await the results before decisions about further treatment is made.

I refuse to get paranoid about Covid anymore, I’ll wear a mask, test, shop online, avoid crowded indoor places etc etc but I am still going to carry on having a life outside these four walls.

FarNorth Sun 12-Dec-21 04:00:44

Even the UK government is saying to do tests before meeting with others.
I think it would be reasonable to ask all the family members to test, even if no-one had been in contact with the Thailand relatives.

GrannyTracey Sun 12-Dec-21 06:08:19

CrazyH I agree with you. I went to Tenerife in August with my daughter , her partner & gd . We returned unscathed & chilled . My in-laws went to Blackpool for 3 days & contracted covid . Your visitors from abroad are more likely to be ok as you mentioned they had to test before travelling here. Enjoy your Christmas & stop stressing so much , you have been vaccinated & follow the rules / mask , sanitizer, etc & enjoy. My friend was diagnosed with cancel just before first lockdown , age 52 she has hardly left her home since to keep herself safe & now she has been given only a month to live . Consultant told her to go & enjoy the time she has left . Too late for her I’m afraid ?

LtEve Sun 12-Dec-21 06:30:17

By the time the party happens your DHs son will have tested negative so the other relatives would not be able to catch it from them. Presumably if they test positive then the party won’t happen as meeting them will be the whole point of it.

M0nica Sun 12-Dec-21 06:32:09

Make sure that you have had your booster jab as well. If you have had all three jabs, you are well protected and if the worst happens, you are very unlikely to have COVID very badly.

eazybee Sun 12-Dec-21 08:07:26

It is not unreasonable to ask guests to take a lateral flow test.
If this gathering is being held in your home I would insist.
Alternatively, don't attend yourself.

The attitude of your husband and his family give an insight into why covid is spreading so rapidly.

Having covid 'not very badly' is not a welcome prospect and you would have to isolate for ten days yourself.

Sago Sun 12-Dec-21 08:44:01

CrazyH I agree with you too.
We have to start living a normal life, to totally avoid COVID we will live half a life at best.
Last Christmas we had our daughter, SIL and grandchildren to stay ( against the rules) we all did a test beforehand.
I am so glad we did.

multicolourswapshop Sun 12-Dec-21 08:52:47

I believe It would be best if everyone takes a LFT before attending a party that would help me to feel more safe in a group situation and wearing PPE. Keep those windows open too.

Caleo Sun 12-Dec-21 09:17:50

They should get themselves tested, and you are right to ask them to do so.

Caleo Sun 12-Dec-21 09:20:17

If you try to live a normal life at present you increase your chances of dying a normal death, and extending the infection to others.

Witzend Sun 12-Dec-21 09:22:48

Lateral flow tests are quick and easy to do. We all did them a few days ago, before a family meet up. I’d be happy with that, TBH.

Grannybags Sun 12-Dec-21 09:32:27

We've just had GDs for a sleepover and they did Lateral flow tests before they came. They are aged 9 and 5 and it's something they are very used to doing

I would be happy to have a family gathering if everyone had tested first

luluaugust Sun 12-Dec-21 09:36:50

Not sure how old you are but could you phone round and ask them to do a LFT to keep their father/grandad safe? Doesn't seem much to ask really. The incident with the collection and delivery to a hotel by family members shows the general confusion that goes on in people's minds and the different levels of risk people are prepared to take, it seems to vary hugely.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 12-Dec-21 09:39:06

I’m disappointed to hear what you did Sago. We followed the rules and didn’t see family last Christmas. I hope I don’t see you on the threads about parties at No 10.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 12-Dec-21 09:41:27

To OP: yes I would ask them all to do tests. It’s not unreasonable especially given how quickly the latest variant spreads, and probably not everyone at the party will be fully vaccinated.

EllanVannin Sun 12-Dec-21 09:49:17

I have to agree with crazyH too. I was talking to my next door neighbour this morning who is full of a cold and coughing for England. She's had umpteen tests----all negative but has been so ill. I've actually heard her coughing at night too and she's is having to go to hospital next week for a procedure ( longstanding problem )

The poor woman has had all her vacs. including booster and a 'flu jab. The thing is that she hadn't been anywhere to catch this ?
With that, I came indoors and had another cup of tea and a cig grin

aggie Sun 12-Dec-21 09:49:55

I don’t see it as draconian rules , but as how to keep safe , I don’t think anyone who is trying not to be in the company of travellers is paranoid , they are keeping safe .
We shouldn’t think how to bend the rules , how to be “ clever “ or carry on regardless , the only way to beat this virus is to break the chain of infection
Do the LFT keep a distance , ventilate and keep up the hand washing
I go essential shopping, wear my mask, sanitise and wash my hands
I have been for a meal in a well spaced venue , but didn’t linger

MayBeMaw Sun 12-Dec-21 09:52:07


CrazyH I agree with you too.
We have to start living a normal life, to totally avoid COVID we will live half a life at best.
Last Christmas we had our daughter, SIL and grandchildren to stay ( against the rules) we all did a test beforehand.
I am so glad we did.

While I feel a “normal life” is desirable, your posts depresses me.
Unlike you, I stuck to the rules and did not go to London to spend Christmas Day with either of my younger daughters and their families. I had been “bubbled” with eldest D but there was no question of going to them when eldest GS tested positive just before Christmas.
Christmas alone when you are fairly recently widowed has few redeeming features, it was miserable despite trying to pin on a smile on FaceTimes and Zoom. Thinking that the rest of the country were sticking to the rules was as close to consolation as I could get - so I’d rather not have known at the time that they all behaved like you.

Sago Sun 12-Dec-21 09:52:41

GSM I will post whatever I wish on whatever thread I wish. I believe we still have freedom of speech.

nadateturbe Sun 12-Dec-21 09:58:42

To those who broke rules or took risks, you were lucky. It could have been a very different story.
My DD and GC are coming for Christmas. I have booked them into a hotel 5 minutes from us. Everyone prefers that. And we will all do LFTs. It's all about minimising risk and still having a life. And of course helping our overburdened NHS.

Germanshepherdsmum Sun 12-Dec-21 10:01:04

Post what you like Sago but be prepared for people who stuck to the rules and spent Christmas alone to be angry with you and if I see you criticising whatever happened at No 10 I will publicly call you out as a hypocrite.