Is Big really Beautiful or are we kidding ourselves?

to be honest soutra
i didn't even know i had got it right until you mentioned it.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, beauty is inside not just skin deep. Being pretty and beautiful are different things, other wise there would be no hope for crinklies like me.

thanks for sharing that pompa.
I agree with you.

Which are you then pompa?

he's the handsome one with a few wrinkles here and there jingle...; 0 )

oh to be able to eat what we like and how much we like and not worry about gaining weight!
I Feel sure most would agree with that?

Indeed - I was very active, I worked as a gardener, garden designer, did a couple of days in a tree nursery as a propagator and also had my own wholesale herb nursery. Then ten years ago we moved and not only did I live in a flat for a while as we waited to buy a house, I also acquired arthritis in my hips, then gradually elsewhere. My weight ballooned as I found it hard to realise that what I had been eating before was thousands more calories a day than what a suddenly inactive person should be eating. It has taken me years to work out how much I can eat, and how to get enough nutrients into that very small amount, and how to make myself feel full on it. It also made me realise how little I knew about diet. And that if like me you are almost incapable of moving during cold winter months, 2000 calories per day is about 500 too many.

Thanks for sharing your experiences Jane.
I'm sorry you Have Arthritis in your hips.
it must make day to day activities Difficult let alone painful?
I lost weight cause I cut down on the amount of food I had been eating and started being more active
and eventually the weight started dropping.
now I'm 11 stone and although I'm not exactly content yet
I feel much better than when I was around 16 stones.
my illness if you Like is nervous disposition.
its similar to what ozzy osbourne has.
in that basically my nerves are bad and I'm always trembling 24 seven.
ive had this illness since childhood and now have to take medication to calm my nerves.
and because this problem affects my self esteem and confidence I tend to stay home much more these days.
and I guess it does make relationships difficult because not many women would want to be with a man that is always trembling I Think?
the relationships I have had were all with women that accepted my nervous disposition.
one actually has a nervous problem similar to mine and also takes medication for it.
anyway I better go to bed as its getting late.
thanks for answering my posts and if I continue posting I hope you will contribute again.
best wishes
from Trevor.

TMI

Sou Forgive me
but I don't understand What TMI Means?

It means Too Much Information, Trevor

OK Thanks Holly.
OH Boy I better go...I know where I'm not wanted...Thanks SOU AND cO ; 0 (

I'm not sure why it's TMI. If you don't find it interesting, don't read it, surely? I like to learn about different people and how they think.

It's what stops me from being , well, insular? It keeps me openminded rather than closed.

Thanks jane ; 0 )
I Know Sou and Co Love Me Really...their Just shy to admit it ; 0 )

LOL

What am I ?

Well, definitely bigger than I'd like (and my Doc).

As I said beauty is in the eye of the beholder - you would have to ask the beholder

Perhaps it's worth pointing out that becoming overweight or even fat is not an automatic part of the process of ageing.

Trevor You sound as though you have trimmed down nicely to a really good weight so well done you,keep it up and try to mix more or at least get yourself out of the house and meet some people even if it is only walking in the park or doing your shopping be positive and smile and people will acknowledge you,can you not volunteer anywhere to meet new friends thats a good way to socialise.
Being big is not always beautiful as many health problems occur as you know,but some people just look better with a bit of weight on them don't they and as long as you are well groomed and tidy and stay away from lycra you can get get away with a few extra pounds here & there.

Hi Glam,
Thanks for your Warm Welcome.
I Appreciate your advice about getting out more , etc.
I Just Socializing real time Difficult for two reasons.
1. I'm very shy and I worry Too much about how people will react when I do come out of my shell?
but also my childhood experiences of being singled out for being too quiet has made me tend to either try to hard to be accepted (only to end up failing)
or not make any effort only to find that I get noticed for that
and made to feel like I'm from another planet or something.
People used to call me the living dead because I was so quiet and reserved.
and I still remember how Embarrassed I felt when I heard my sister telling our mum what was being said about me.
and then my sister would tease me because I had a deep voice as a child
and she would refer to it as a monster voice.
and because by that time i started to believe that i was too different and didn't fit in
I became afraid of speaking in fear of being teased by others about my voice.
believe it or not i still feel self conscious about my voice
after all these years.
I also decided that I would imitate my dad and put on a serious looking face...much of that was Just another vain attempt to hide my shyness and prevent people from teasing me.
I remember my mum saying to me one day to stop Trying to be mr tough guy because she already knew me inside out by then and knew I was really shy.
Then as I got older I got into using drugs and alcohol.
cause by that time I had become 90% agoraphobic and used to get intense panic attacks when I went out.
so I started using alcohol because I found that I felt nervous when I was intoxicated.
It's a miracle I didn't become an alcoholic glam, because drinking became like a walking stick for me and I convinced myself I couldn't do anything without it being in my system.
Then I started using cannabis cause I found that like alcohol it calmed my nerves and made me feel less shy and therefore able to get out and face people.
that coupled with the fact I still can't write properly and i'm not good with maths either
all plays a part in me being prone to depression and being very sensitive.
so although I know you are right about getting out more etc
its not easy for me because of my deep shyness and nervous disposition.
it also affects my self esteem and so I find it difficult to like myself.
and i think that is also why I thought it was better to try to be someone I'm not
since I was always being rejected for being shy and quiet when I was a boy.
but I know now that trying to be like my dad and looking serious all the time would more likely scare people away rather than draw them to me!
and the truth is I was always scared anyway.
when you consider the above you can perhaps understand why I Didn't make a good impression on my first day joining this site.
I'm very unhappy glam and lonely Too and all I wanted was to try to make some new friends in here
since doing that real time is difficult for me.
and so when I was knocked and teased and criticized It brought back childhood memories of what I went through.
Sadly i'm expecting to be ignored or kept at arms length even more after opening up like this.
hopefully i'll be wrong.
anyway thanks for your reply and I hope my long response and poor writing skills doesn't put you off.
Bye Glam.

Trevor47 Thank you for your very honest and open post about yourself. You seem a very lovely man, sensitive and caring. Please do not worry what people post about your writing style. As long as you get your point across in your own way, then praise yourself for sharing yourself with others. Your posts are literate and easy to understand, however you type them up. You are taking time out of your day to interact with us and that can only be good.

Please try to put what your sister said about you where it belongs, in the past. As I child my nickname was terrible. I am called Jackie and words rhyming with Jackie, now considered racist were thrown at me all the time. Children, whether friends or relatives will do this with other children but hopefully nothing bad was meant by it. I don't take it to heart now anyway and neither should you. I know it is hard to put these things behind you and it soon comes back if someone criticizes you now, but they don't know what you went through then so they really are not saying it to hurt you.

I too have confidence issues, feeling like when I talk to someone that I am making a fool of myself at times, but what would the alternative be? Sitting in my living room all the time on my own? I'm not willing to shut myself away like that. The worst that could happen is that when I get home I think that I feel a little stupid for showing myself up or saying the wrong thing to someone. Maybe I won't see that person ever again, so it really doesn't matter. Or if I do, I could try to explain that I felt nervous on our initial meeting and that subsequent meetings go better. Besides, if you try to keep making a go at conversations, it does become easier. I talk to anyone and everyone and if someone doesn't talk back, then I politely excuse myself and move onto someone else. I have to do this as I go places on my own and if I didn't chat to people I would return back home not having spoke to a soul. And that is not good for the soul.

Lastly, on your original post, is big beautiful? Maybe not, maybe so. I think it depends on personality too. I think I suffer from reverse body dysmorphia. I think, even though I'm a size 20, that I look like a size 12 when I get dressed to go out anywhere. I have had two open heart operations since birth, I've just turned 50 and yes, I could do with losing weight. But I'm here, I've survived a bad condition and I am not going to start ripping myself apart because there are a few inches which have added on over the years. Take me as I am or not take me at all, that's my motto now. If and when I decide to lose some weight I will do. Too much time, energy and money is spent on people trying to make themselves look slimmer, youthful, happier, trendier etc. Botox, gyms, diets, all making other people rich. If we all just left alone then we would all be the same, like they were in my grandma's generation. She was beautiful in my eyes, small, round, white hair and twinkling eyes. She said she could eat me on a toasted butty. Now that was my beautiful grandma.

Hi Trevor. Reading through this thread it sounds to me that if you can overcome all you have and still come out the other side 5(?) stone lighter you may be shy but you've developed a whole heap of will power.
Do have a look at all the volunteering options that are available. There's a lot out there and a lot of behind the scenes stuff where you can hide away and just pop your head out when you have the confidence.

Hi Ya
Thanks for your reply it's very inspiring and comforting
Thank you Ruby.
I Know This Of Topic Now But I'm Still feeling The Effects of Being Told By elegran To Grow Up and I was Just Being oversensitive and Melodramatic by responding as I did earlier To what was written by other people in response to my posts.
I want to believe she meant well But me being me I Can't Help Feeling...I can't even think of the right words but I hope you'll understand what I'm trying to say ruby?
for example I still can't write properly in the sense of the proper use of capital letters etc etc.
I went to school of course but somehow what was Taught Didn't stick in my memory ; 0 ( I suppose bunking school alot later on to play space invaders machines didn't Help!
and so a Few people on here picked up on my lack of writing skills and decided to make a big thing of it.
I responded today by saying that if I was able to write properly I would Have.
Likewise If I wasn't as sensitive as I am I wouldn't feel Like I did after reading elegran's response to my post this morning.
and just like people would tease me and call me the living dead when I was a boy and it hurt
likewise when I'm told to grow up and be a man(my words) somehow rather making me feel better I feel worse.
if that's wrong...I can't yet help it ruby.
I'm tired of driving myself almost crazy trying to be accepted by people.
this is why I started imitating my dad and going around looking all tough or trying to be
simply cause I "wrongly" Thought That That wouldn't just make people accept me
but would also scare prevent people picking on me.
but I know now that I was wrong and there was nothing wrong in just being myself even if that meant being shy and quiet.
I just can't help being me Ruby.
you can see by the fact that I am pouring out my heart to you shows that I'm being sincere and want people to Try and understand why I am the way I am and hopefully they will accept me and like me and above all treat me well.
I wont deny that I appreciate a pat on the shoulder in the form of a reply that doesn't condemn me.
but I don't want to feel like I'm just someone that loves to be the center of attention.
I suppose elegran is right in a sense that I should grow up but what she doesn't realize is that it isn't that easy when a person has grown up feeling they ain't good enough etc.
anyway I'll stop now ruby
thanks again for answering.
kind regards
Trevor

Thanks Nfk.
You are right and despite appearances I know even if it is deep down inside myself that I can make more of myself and my life than I am at present.
ok I suffer from bad nerves but so does ozzy osbourne for example and look at the success he has had!
I read something he said about his bad nerves online the other day in which he described himself as the most nervous man in the world.
and that he hyperventilates from just opening a box of chocs!
I can relate to that I wish I couldn't of course But I certainly know what he meant.
but the fact that despite that he can stand up on stages all over the world and sing in front of loads of people that obviously like what he does
Then that shows that bad nerves don't have to become a mental wall preventing people from progressing in their lives.
I actually did some volunteering for oxfam back in the mid 90s and really enjoyed it.
and I made progress despite my bad nerves and shy nature.
and I was trusted enough to be given the responsibility of opening and closing the shop and serving customers at the till.
of course that wasn't easy because of my bad nerves and shy nature but I would take my medication and just get on with it even if at times my nerves seemed to be getting the better of me and there were many times like that unfortunately.
a friend of mine wants me to play drums for him and so I decided to invite him and his bass playing friend round to my flat where we can jam together
and hopefully next year be able to record an album which would be a real thrill for me
as Ive never done that before except doing drum covers of my favourite music on youtube.
and so who knows I could one day end up making a living from playing drums in a band?
either way Nfk I know deep down I have potential
I just need to keep reminding myself and trying to overcome my sensitive nature.

Hi Trevor, thank you for your lovely reply. I am glad that you found some comfort in what I said to you. I know exactly where you are coming from. When my daughter moved to university 8 years ago, I came crashing down with a deep depression. On one particular night when I was really bad, I had text my sister for some help. I got a text back saying "pull yourself together". I was distraught at what she had put and had it not been for my son, I don't think I would be here now. But I came through that night, and slowly things got better. In the last few months though I have re-thought my life and decided to eradicate the relationship in which people do not put as much into the relationship I have with them as I do, over time of course, not just taken on a short time. This has meant that a couple of close family, and some friends have had to go, I'm sad to say. My mental health has suffered over the last few years due to having these relationships and feeling that I was pouring myself into them only to have not much back. Over time this can't go on as my self worth was being destroyed. I have tried to talk to these people about the problems but nothing would change. In dropping these relationships, I am now being able to pick myself up, brush myself off and learn to form new friendships which will be beneficial to both people concerned. I have started to come on GN and express views and ask opinions on subjects and hopefully find new friends on here too. It takes time and courage to keep bouncing back but I will do because I am no quitter. I hope you find some strength too, ignore the ones who put you down, and concentrate on building up the friendships you deserve. You are a good man, sensitivity is a sign of being strong. Keep on with your drumming, enjoy your friends and hopefully things will turn a corner for you. What do you go under on youtube? I will look out for you and watch the videos posted. Believe in yourself Trevor. You have to do it for yourself because no-one else will at times. Although I am always here if you want a chat. Take care.