Is Big really Beautiful or are we kidding ourselves?

Nellie, you are so right. On one of my racing forums I mentioned something one day and another poster pinpointed exactly where I live [this was a totally anonymous forum where we don't use our real names and there are no profiles and no pm system; if we want to meet up with anyone on the forum we have to do so through the forum organiser]. It wasn't a problem even though he has since moved to my village as well. One of the problems with gransnet is that we all tend to think the best of everyone and try to be kind and helpful; the last thing we want to do is tip a sad lonely person over the edge. But we're not an organisation for people that need help of that kind, and we do have to watch our backs, as it were.

...it's a good job we have Elegran to take care of us as she's a genuinely scary person who I wouldn't like to meddle with ....

You are right, Nelliemoser most posters wait until they feel they have their "feet under the table" before giving us a lot of information about themselves. Most only post quite short messages for the first wee while, too, not a whole page of meandering guff that tells us everything but the kitchen sink. You would need a psychiatrist's couch and a thick notebook for Trevor's stories (Trevor the self-styled shy, nervous introvert with no self-esteem).

The other point is that in giving support to posters who tell a sad story, it is tempting to post personal details about how "exactly the same thing happened to me" or to describe in detail your own absolutely awful experiences with relations. It is done with the best intentions, to put the poster at ease and make them feel they are not alone, but remember it is possible to be helpful without exposing your own private life.

You make yourself vulnerable by putting stuff into the public domain. Anyone at all can read the posts on these forums, without joining Gransnet, and there are some sick souls out there who search for such things. Your family and neighbours could be reading your story, and recognise you or the people you mention. Be more general in your replies.

I agree. I always ask myself if I could be breaking confidentiality if someone recognised themselves in my post. In fact my anonymity is more or less non-existent on this forum, so that keeps me on the straight and narrow.

I have pointed out before that it isn't difficult to track down the real name of a virtual person on a social website. Once you have that, you can find out all sorts of information about the person - in addition to all the personal stuff that they have inadvertently or deliberately posted about themselves, sometimes over several years.

I have done this once via a newspaper site and Facebook - just two clicks. If I can do it, anyone can.

(I am not talking about a gransnetter.)

Absent, you say you haven't done it on GN but is it possible with what you have done elsewhere?

GadaboutGran. Yes, in many cases but probably not all. However, someone with a more sophisticated understanding of technology and a lot more time available could probably make a good stab at just about any one of us. I simply extrapolated from a single piece of information but most of us provide a plethora of personal details over time.

But let's not get paranoid about this. I doubt whether anyone could track me (not that I'd be bothered!), and for those with no profile at all, it's even less likely.

The bottom line is that we are told at the top of the page that this is a public forum and so we need to be careful what details we reveal. It is so tempting to think you are in a room with friends to whom you can be open and truthful. Our "anonymity" almost encourages that but every so often something happens which should remind us that discretion is always a good thing. It is also a let down when you are being trusting to find that you may be being taken for a ride by somebody who thinks it is amusing to wind up a load of "old grannies" and reward their kindness by taking the proverbial p***.

Yes, I understand that some members do seem to find it rather disturbing and uncomfortable when a rogue wind-up merchant moves in - but really, how threatening can it be?

Either ignore them or go along with their 'game' until they get bored or go too far and get banned anyway.

If this is the case then I've been taken in. I'm too trusting at times. I will learn a lesson from this and take more care. Thank you ladies.

I'm glad to hear Trevor has left I was extremely cautious of him- juts didn't ring true.

I agree. His posts were a little too long with not much substance. They did seem to drone on a bit. Sorry to Trevor if you are a genuine person with all the problems.