GD terrified of 11+

I'm sure the family split is affecting her but heaven forbid that any child (or adult) would have to do something challenging in life! This is why we have such a snowflake generation where so many are offended about everything and can't cope with what life throws at them.

My granddaughter's school calls tests quizzes and, as she knows I go regularly to pub quizzes, she was delighted to tell me she was a quizzer too. I have always told her how much I loved school and that she should always just do her best and that she can't be good at everything. It's attitude that counts.

Perhaps if she saw mum or dad sitting down and doing the paper as well or doing a crossword or similar she might come to see it as an enjoyable experience

I can't say how strongly I feel about the 11+. I 'failed' & consequently was split up from my cousin & best friend. Teacher said I should have passed but was too nervous sitting an exam. Course work was a life saver for me. I felt shame too because I was the only child in the family not to go to Grammar school.

It's so wrong for many reasons to have our children feel like failures at such an early age. It still haunts me to this day.

Why does kent seem to have a different schooling system to rest of country??i simply dont understand this.when i was 6 we moved to berkshire and i learned at younger age (religious infant school.then comprehensive school)what they were just starting to learn when i moved back to yorkshire at age 10)id already done it all!But when i was told by my mum thered be an 11+ it turned out there wasnt one,(in the late 70's,so i assumed it must be abolished.yes they do similar in grammar schools.and other schools do S.A.T.tests.(copied from america i think)-so yes the O.P's partners GD will still have tests/exams no matter what,so best to try prepare her regardless,the grammar school test is very complicated&difficult though but if her teachers believe shes bright enough then she can only try.maybe her friends are not as bright so havent been put forward for this?or their parents dont wish them to,for whatever reasons?she cant go through life holding her friends hands though,so sadly its a lesson she must learn now.when friends get to high school theyre not always in same sets/groups/forms anyway so it probably wouldnt make a difference.im sure she'l quickly make new friends.it might be worth mentioning to her parents how anxious she is though,as they may have theyre 'split' problems at front of priorities at moment,and not think of anything else right now.

My parents really wanted me to pass the 11+, (1950) for prestige I suspect. I passed, but my parents then complained about the expensive Grammar school uniform, and all the extras needed. Our family wasn’t well-off, and I always felt like a poor relation at school. No money to spend in the tuck-shop. Second-hand clothes. I found it difficult to make friends, and was painfully shy. Although I did well in my GCEs my parents couldn’t afford to let me stay on to the Sixth form to take A-levels. They also didn’t see the point of girls being educated.
In retrospect, I would have been much better off in the secondary school, under much less pressure. I think that a lot of parents think that there is a ‘snob value’ to their children going to Grammar school. They should put their child’s needs first, especially if it is affecting them badly as this little girl obviously is being affected.

My youngest son (15)doesnt revise hardly as he says he does better when he doesnt,as hes a bit nervous of exams too.but i dont advise not to revise,but if thats how it works for him i guess its right for him!hes a bright kid who seems to go over things once and it sticks,were not all the same though so what works for 1 isnt same for all.maybe your GD is similar and as shes been over it already doesnt want to keep on going over&over it?maybe thats whats stressing her out,if her parents are maybe insisting she 'eats,breathes,sleeps' the test papers maybe??maybe be best to back off a bit&just suggest she does a bit here&there to remember it all.or looks it over nearer the time?Let us know how she does.☺

SATS tests are not so hard/complicated as a grammar school entrance exam,and my youngest sons have never brought home practice papers for these,so it may be grammar or private education the O.P. is on about?there were practice papers sent to us for grammar exam for my daughter&son years ago.

Sorry,clicked wrong smiley symbol i think.

Its not just Kent - Buckinghamshire, Lincolnshire and one or two others have retained the Grammar School/11+ system. Historically when 11+was largely abolished in the early 70s the education authorities of each county could decide whether to go comprehansive or retain the old grammar/sec mod system. Now the Ed Authorities have very little power and grammar schools are being re-introduced elsewhere by our lovely (?) Conservative government. This has the effect of creaming off the brightest children from the local comprehensives so of course their results go down and they are compared unfavourably. It's ridiculous!.
People who favour tge grammar school system almost always are middle class parents who have bright children they want to be pushed. They dont consider that theif children might fail the 11+!

Can silversurf confirm this is 11 plus, I do wonder because the schools don't usually give out trial papers, in fact they don't help at all. If you want your child to go to a Grammar school you have to do all the work yourself. This includes apparently months of extra paid for tuition which makes the whole thing even more unfair as you need cash, a certain kind of brain and an ability to perform on one particular day in your life.

Is it the actual sitting of the exam that makes the poor girl so terrified or the thought of"failure"?
She will have to take exams at the age of 16 whichever school she attends.

I taught in a Secondary modern school.
I am still in touch with three of the girls I taught .
Two went to University.They all have excellent jobs.
They said that they were pleased that they had not "passed" the 11+ because at the Secondary Modern School they were in the "A " form but in a Grammar School they would have probably been in the bottom stream.
She should take the exam.
If she doesn't ,it may be something she will regret in the future
What if.........?

Am I missing something but I can't see any mention of the 11+ in the original post.
Yes, you are rool!
It's in the heading: GD terrified of 11+

I enjoyed the 11+ (strange child)
I was more terrified about the exams after the 1st year at High School and even more terrified of our form teacher.

I survived.

I would suggest they forget putting her in for the wretched examination. If she did pass and go to Grammar school she will be under constant pressure and this quite obviously doesn’t suit her. Comprehensive school can be an excellent option. She is undergoing a lot of major life changes and needs to feel secure at the moment.

Surely mock papers are for GCSE level not primary?

The young lady in question has very good school reports.
If she is very bright may she not regret it later if she does not take the exam?
I hated taking exams when I went to Grammar School .
I doubt many pupils enjoy taking them.
We just had to get on with it.

We did loads of mock papers before the 11+, starting at age 9 because some of us took the 11+ at 9. In those days they did them at school but now I think you can go to a centre to do 'practice papers'.

Hi Pollyperkins. I live in Kent and although most towns have grammar schools we certainly have comprehensive. My son went to one. My daughter did go to grammer. But l assure you we have comprehensive!!!

OP my family live in an 11+ area where the other schools are secondary moderns. GD1 at the end of primary education, was a sensitive and nervous child who did not take the 11+from choice. She is at the local academy seconday school where she has done brilliantly, is now at the top of the top set and predicted very high GCSE grades. GD2 is a very bright child who passed the 11+ with a high mark, but turned down a grammar school place (she thought it was stuffy and snobbish) to go to the academy with her sister. Both girls benefit from the school's able and talented programme, the ethos of the school and the dedicated staff. We are all delighted with the progress they have made.
To get in to the grammar schools in the town the majority of pupils have years of coaching and many go to independent primary schools to make sure they pass.
It really isn't like it was 50 years ago.

We don't have any comprehensive schools in Buckinghamshire - you can decide not to take the 11+ and apply for comprehensive in Hertfordshire, a few do that. I am a huge believer in grammar schools - I went to one but ended up as a single mum at 18 by making some wrong choices after my parents divorced. My daughter passed her 12+ as it was then and is now a corporate lawyer and was a partner before she had DGS and went in-house. That's social mobility in action imo. The 11+ is just a set of 3 IQ tests - it's obvious by the age of 5 who will pass it. You can get books of practice tests but being 'trained' to pass them is a waste of time as you would never keep up in grammar school. We were not even told that particular test was the 11+ in my day, I have no idea why they make such a fuss over it nowadays.

I think that with family support etc the child should be encouraged to sit the exam. I understand the family split has come at a bad time but the adults should put their own feelings aside and help the child.
I don't agree that children should opt out of exams etc, life is competitive and we can't ignore things which don't suit us if we want to be self sufficient and independent.

I think the point is that whatever you call a school, it is not a 'comprehensive' in principle if there is a grammar school operating alongside.
I lived for awhile in a county that bordered one that had the 11+. A number of families moved, so that their children could take the 11+. Strangely, some of them then applied for their children to be educated back in their original town as they had come to believe so strongly in a true comprehensive system. I wonder what happened to change their minds?!

OP, I hope that in your home, the little girl can find a haven and some respite. Personally, I don't think that life does have to be competitive, and we can achieve a lot through co-operation and valuing what we all have to offer. That is not a wishy-washy pie-in-the-sky attitude either, it's one our family believes in deeply and has worked towards all of our lives.
I don't wish to take issue with anyone who believes differently - we all want the best for our families and have our own ways of achieving this.

Marie I am pleased that both your granddaughters are doing well at the local Academy but am amazed that your younger grand daughter was allowed to turn down a place on the grounds that the Grammar School was"stuffy and snobbish"
How would a child of that age know that?
The parents of a clever friend of mine did not allow her to sit for the 11+ exam because the school was full of "Grammar School snobs" but in those days most pupils were unable to take GCE exams at Secondary Modern Schools .
I wonder if she regrets not being able to try to get a place at the Grammar School.

I agree with nannarose. Life does not have to be competitive. I have never been so and do not regret it. Even when a competitive situation arose such as with school sports, I couldn't care less what position I came. I don't think that children should be put under too much stress.

Well said*Beau*totally agree with your post.

The 11+ is just a set of 3 IQ tests - it's obvious by the age of 5 who will pass it. You can get books of practice tests but being 'trained' to pass them is a waste of time as you would never keep up in grammar school.
I don't think you can be trained to pass them but certainly taking a few practice papers would give a pupil an idea of what will be expected of them.

The other thing about the 11+ - and this has been the case for very many years, even when I was a child, is the there is no 'pass rate' as such. The level is determined by the number of places available at the Grammar or High School. Where I grew up there were more places for boys at the Grammar School than there were for girls at the High School, so that the 'pass rate', as some call it, was set at a higher level for the girls.