Gransnet forums


not allowed to see grand daughter

(83 Posts)
nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 15:29:23

are there any people on this site that have regained access to grandchild through mediation or court ?

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 15:38:29

just looking for some advise i am trying to regain communication with my daughter but not getting anywhere, i have been advised to try mediation , has anyone got any thoughts on whether that will help me ?

gransal Mon 29-Apr-19 15:50:39

nannytracy you may have more help posting on the ESTANGEMENT thread. I am sure someone on there will be able to help you. Good Luck.

ninathenana Mon 29-Apr-19 15:51:13

I'm guessing your new tracey so welcome.
You may have to wait a couple of hours for a reply this isn't a live chat site but I'm sure someone will be along with some advice/experience.
Good luck with getting access.

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 16:01:20

thankyou yes i am new, i will try the estrangement thread thankyou

SarahGransnet (GNHQ) Mon 29-Apr-19 17:05:16

Hi there and welcome nannytracey. We can see that you also have an active thread on this subject in the 'relationships' forum, where you are receiving advice and support.
We'll shortly be deleting this one in order to avoid any confusion for other users.

nannytracey Tue 30-Apr-19 18:44:55

hi SarahGransnet yes if you could delete as i am very new i think my other thread is in the wrong place too

notanan2 Tue 30-Apr-19 19:43:05

NannyTracey 5 months may feel a long time, but isnt it a bit soon to be abandoning all hope of reconcilliation with your DD? Because that is what the court route means.

You arent automatically make a claim you have to first apply to make a claim, and if it appears to be a heat of the moment response to a relatively recent row, it will likely be declined. Similarly if your DD makes a case that your application is to get at her you may also not get to make a case.

Be realistic about what court may mean. If successful, a rigid 2 hours in a contact centre may be better than nothing. If you are SURE that there is no hope for better.

It may get to that point later, but only 5 months in, IMO hold out for better than the court route, that way you wont be putting the final nail in the coffin re your relationship with DD for now.

Starlady Wed 01-May-19 11:50:10

Hi again, Tracey! Spoke to you in your other thread. I know this one may get deleted, but while it's here.... as I recall, CAB suggested mediation, but I imagine they were just throwing out there the active solutions they know of when nothing else is working. They're not thinking about the possible negative reaction you may get if you contact dd again, right now, especially about mediation or court. They're not concerned that she might refuse or come to mediation, but just say no to all compromises suggested. You can try it, of course, but I wouldn't not just yet. Too many ways it could backfire.

nannytracey Wed 01-May-19 14:45:31

thankyou starlady after all the advise i think i should sit tight and live in hope
the last thing i want to do is make matters worse

Starlady Thu 02-May-19 08:23:25


Unhappy1 Thu 08-Aug-19 15:39:18

Hi nannytracey...I hope the information I give is of any use...I shall try make it brief.
You have no legal right to access to your grandchild.
However you can go to court and ask for a child arrangement order.
Forms are from your local family court..who may have a support unit who will help fill them in.
Before court u and patents are offered mediation. You and they can chose to go or not.
Safeguarding checks are carried out on the child.
Forms submitted to court are called
Permission to apply for the order. Both parties must attend court.

If permission is again go to court to discuss if you can have access.
This whole process took me 9 months....I was granted permission...but at the final heart my case was dismissed.
Everything is based on what is in the best interests of the child.
Because my son is very hostile towards me and wanted the case was felt my grandson would be caught in the crossfire.
I left court yesterday feeling I had wasted 9 months of my be told I could not see him...but at least I can say I tried.. parents have the right to say who sees their child.
My son and his partner sat in court and lied throughout.
I hope this doesn't put u off going forward and I hope you hear from people who have been's a hard road..bit flow your heart..good luck

Nonnie Thu 08-Aug-19 15:49:40

Oh Unhappy. What a sad story. I am so sorry. I would hope the courts would be concerned about the child's 'right to family life' but I suppose they must have felt that the antagonism from the parents might have a detrimental affect on the child.

At least you know you have done all you can and maybe one day you will be able to tell him that you did want to see him and show him the court papers so he will know the truth.

nanyt others may be right that 5 months is not long enough, I don't know but suggest you get some advice because the other position is that if it goes on too long with no contact the court may feel it is in the child's best interest not to allow you to see them.

Unhappy1 Thu 08-Aug-19 19:07:38

Thank you nonnie for your kind comments. I only joined gransnet today....and surprised so many people are going thru the's good to have support..

debohunXL5 Sat 10-Aug-19 13:29:00

Hi nannytracey,

I too have not had any contact with my two GC since their mother (my DD) died in April 2017. SIL took them to live 3 hours away from us and we have not seen them since Sept 17. We have had no contact since then. We don't know even where they live anymore. When we thought about trying for mediation we had so many people say to us don't even bother you will be wasting your money even going to Court GP have no rights. 2 years on and I wish I had tried mediation. I know I will never forgive my SIL but I miss my GCs so very much. Now I have advice to say that because I have left it so long I will have no chance in seeing them. At least you have tried, take heart that you have done everything possible to keep in contact. I am told one day our GC will seek us out themselves but they are so young and we are getting on a bit (husband quite poorly). I fear he will never see them again. Perhaps your GC will do the same. Good luck.

debohunXL5 Sat 10-Aug-19 13:32:17

Sorry the above message should have been addressed to Unhappyl

Smileless2012 Sat 10-Aug-19 13:34:42

debohunflowershow can someone be so cruel, I'm so very sorry.

Lyndyloo1 Sun 01-Sep-19 12:50:50

NannyTracey. We hardly ever see our GC despite the fact they live close by. The GP who live five minutes away from us see them regularly. My GC are aged 11 and 9 yrs in all that time they have stayed with us three times for a few hours. If we are lucky we might get to see them 5 or 6 times a year. My D has no interest in us. It's taken a long time for me to realise that sadly if I dot contact her she never bothers to contact us. It's heartbreaking when you do not know what you have done wrong, and every offer of help you give is met with a negative response. Last weekend I broke some toes, she knows, but not once has she rung to see how I am. For a long time I've felt like the only one who is treated this way, all my friends and neighbours have loving close relationsps.
I am in tears whilst I write this, but feel at the end of my tether and unable to cope anymore. It's so sad.

Starlady Wed 04-Sep-19 04:19:19

Unhappy, once again, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. But I'm a little confused. If you were granted permission to see the children, how did that get reversed?

Debohoun, my deepest condolences on the loss of your DD. And how painful to "lose" your GC in another way on top of it all. My heart goes out to you! I understand your wishing you had tried for mediation, but I doubt SIL would have cooperated. I hope that, after a while, he relents and lets the kids see you, if only occasionally. xx

Starlady Wed 04-Sep-19 04:21:59

My heart goes out to you, too, Lindy. If it's any kind of comfort, you can see you're not alone. I can only hope your D's heart softens in time. Or that, as they get older, your GC will decide they would like to spend more time w/ you and seek you out on their own. xx

Sandmb Sat 14-Mar-20 22:52:44

I have been to court and mediation for access to my 5 grandchildren and won so it can be done and I would always recommend not walking away but fighting for the children to have you in their lives. Iā€™m here if you need to talk or help

elana909 Mon 30-Mar-20 11:13:37

Hi Sandmb, good for you going through the process of meditation and court. When a grandparent misses their grandchild so badly they will go to the ends of the earth to try to see them. For all those saying dont bother, waste of time and money, well clearly you have proved these comments wrong. Like yourself I have recently attended mediation but due to the government lockdown at present things have been put on hold. When I'm allowed to move forward I will be filing paperwork with the courts. If I lose then at least when my grandchildren grow up I can show them how hard I tried to see them. I wouldn't care if it was in a contact centre for an hour as long as I could have some kind of relationship with them. I just hope all those grandparents out there dont become discouraged reading comments of not to bother or how they didnt find success in the court room. You have to keep trying and fighting for your right to see your grandchildren...

OutsideDave Mon 30-Mar-20 16:07:43

Elana your husband has been accused of being a sex abuser. Why not lead with that before telling other grandparents what they should do?

Smileless2012 Mon 30-Mar-20 16:56:12

elana's husband has been accused, investigated and there was no evidence so support the allegation.

OutsideDave Mon 30-Mar-20 21:28:45

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