To be cut off before GC is born!

BradfordLass72 oh wow, did you teach out there? I have seen adverts offering lots of money to teach there and even considered it myself. But I have ties here, thankfully!

I think a big problem is that "the white man" has been for so long treated like a king in China. They are quite racist even to their own people but treat white people better as if we are better. Of course, we are no better! I hope in time that China will be less naive about the "white man" being perceived as better and richer because sadly it is often not the case!

The Chinese Mother in law is to be feared, sadly and the wife will often have to live with her in laws when she marries. Modern Chinese women want independance frm tradition and they think by marrying a white man that they will get freedom from that- and they think they are marrying into a rich family. Because often Chinese families will buy the couple a home, that seems to be expected.

I do think it unfair though that DIL1 expected to be free of tradition but to have all the benefits such as property, full time childcare and all baby stuff paid for - yet wasn't willing to lift a finger and expected to be treated like a queen for having produced a boy child. It's a shame that I was naive about what having a Chinese Dil could have meant. If I had known what she expected, I would have nipped it in the bud before she came.

As far as DIL2 goes, I was honest with her from the beginning so she was under no illusions about "wealth". She told me about her family business suffering and seems to have her feet on the ground. Being in her thirties, she's no kid and I'm sure she will be fine with the help of her family. Her Mum has offered to help her for her confinement of one month (yes that's a thing there!) and I think my Ds2 will have to deal with it.

Thanks for all the messages. i know some have suggested I'm making it up! I WISH! You could not make this stuff up!

EllanVannin yes I'd have MH issues if I lived in China too! DS1 tried his best to get me to live there....no way. He doesn't even live there now either. DS2 had MH issues before he went, so I dread to think.....

China do suppress the truth about what goes on there, too. Recently I saw that all journalists have to pass a test to be loyal to Xin Ping. So the truth will never get out now.

DS2 ( still not talking to me) has said in the past that he has sent me messages that never got here because the government reads everything and will only allow through what they agree with. He also has said that he sent messages to himself using a different account and that those were never recieved. For that reason he has been stupid with some of the stuff he has said to me. I've even said to him before "Are you trying to get deported?"

What a terrible situation Lavazza1st

Because I was an ESOL teacher for many years, I know the Chinese authorities were constantly seeking teachers - I could have made my fortune had I not had 2 little boys of my own to take care of.
So I'm aware there are thousands of non-Chinese men from NZ, Canada, Australia, UK and USA, now with Chinese wives.

Just the difference in the two cultures makes it very hard but for someone with a MH problem it must be even worse.
This, however, sounds genetic, as you feared.

In the end, worried though you are, there is little you can do.
Comfort yourself with the fact that she's in her own, familiar country (unlike your other dil when she had issues in the UK) and surrounded by her family who will, I hope, contact their authorities if your son oversteps the boundaries.

I wish you well.
Having been through it once, I am sure you're now quite philosophical about culture-mix marriages.

It seems difficult since I dont speak Chinese or know their address since my son would never tell me. I have never met DIL2's relatives due to my son keeping the wedding a secret. They had a legal marriage , a civil ceremony for two. No family was there. I would like to know she is safe but there is much I dont know...DS2 is very secretive.

Please reach out to the authorities in their community AND your DILs family. Your son’s behavior is very worrisome and pregnancy is the most dangerous time for a woman and when she is at the greatest of IPV. I would focus your attention on ensuring your DIL is safe.

Sadly I am not in touch with DS1. DIL1 and GS1 have returned to China without him.

DS2 and Dil2 are expecting their first child and that is who I wrote about here. I wish this was all a joke, but no- sadly this is our life as it actually is. It's sometimes said that the truth is stranger than a lie- I wish it wasn't but it is the truth.

Alygran, that was my other GS who is now 2. DS1 and Dil visited... But the son I am writing in this story about (DS2) has also married a Chinese girl who is on the brink of giving birth to her first child. I have not met her but she seems very nice when she has messaged me.
The situation does my head in and I can understand why you're confused. I wish both my DC had chosen Uk partners as it would maybe have been easier?

Thanks fr the kind words. Smileless2012 thats so true, yes.

Phoenix, I have 2 sons and that was my other son I posted about before. Both chose Chinese wives and got them pregnant quickly. I can understand its confusing.

Ok, I will break my word, but only to say to Hithere not confusing at all, if you click on the link provided by Alygran posted at 21.24.

This is so confusing

Sorry to say this, an d no doubt GNHQ will come down on me like a ton of bricks, but I think we are being played here.

I will not be feeding posting anymore on this thread.

We appear to have a role reversal in 7 months. Spineless, weak son who does everything for rude, controlling dil has become abusive, controlling, manipulative son and poor dil

It is not a stretch to see our Lavazza1st has perhaps a distorted view here and appears to prefer whomever suits whatever objective. Perhaps an explanation is in order.

Thanks for the link Alygran I did try a search, but function on here is bloody useless!

Sorry to say, I'm not convinced by this (apologies if it is true) but in the original post we seemed to have a DS being ordered about by his Chinese wife who had come to the UK with high expectations, we now seem to have a controlling DS living in China, with (what would seem to be) a first baby on the way, with the potential GM being cut out!

Have I understood this/got it right, or am I losing the plot?

So is this the same DS and DIL?
Different parents?
How odd that you should have such profound disagreements with both sons and DILs?
Perhaps , if that is the case, you might need to look at your own attitude and behaviour?

www.gransnet.com/forums/ask_a_gran/1257799-17-month-old-being-denied-solid-food

I'm sure you're right Phoenix

Lavazza1st please can you confirm or deny? It may well be that I have got confuddled, but something is ringing a vague bell!

TBH it sounds as though your DIL will be better off without your DS but with the support of her family. There is always a chance that you will have GC contact through your DIL. Your DS behaviour is unacceptable and you need to be clear about this if/when he contacts you.

Phoenix

No wonder OP's SN was familiar! Great catch

Blimey, talk about fed up and far from home, I think I'd have MH issues if I lived in China. Does he want to be there ? Or is his behaviour covering up the fact that he doesn't ?

Please forgive me if I'm wrong, but didn't you post before about your son and his Chinese wife and their baby son coming to live with you, and the problems that you had?

If I'm right (and I may not be) there were quite a few problems regarding your DIL's expectations and behaviour.

Your description of abusive men applies equally to abusive women Lavazza.

You have nothing to be or feel ashamed about.

What you have to know is, abusive men don't come across as as abusive. They seem like the most plausible, nice and normal people. Until you see the flip side.

Then, when you do see it, you think it's "you" and keep trying harder to get them to be how they used to be. But they won't be, because it was a pretence they used to lure you in. They isolate you and wear you down until you have nothing but them and life becomes about dancing to their tune - or else.

Yes Quizqueen, and I was a fool to get pregnant by his Father or to think that love was enough. All I can say is, I was very young and he was my first boyfriend. Dil has not got youth or inexperience but I think it's a case of her thinking the grass is greener in having an English man.

Rebellious and Coolgran65, I could send a message but I feel that I woud rather leave it to them.